Goddess Girls: Medusa the Mean

June 15th, 2012 by pladd

It’s Steven’s favorite time!! Finishing a Goddess Girls book!! Meaning I won’t be forcing him to read one till at least the end of July (when Goddess Girls Super Special: The Girl Games comes out!). This one was about Medusa and was definitely my favorite so far!

Antiheroes are the bomb

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Medusa is super unpopular at Mount Olympus Academy because she has green skin, snake hair, and a penchant for telling it like it is! Girl’s got sass, but it doesn’t help her make friends or win any ground with Poseidon, her “supercrush”. Hera and Zeus are getting married and Ancient Greek God custom(?) dictates that the seven groomsmen get to choose their own bridesmaids through ridiculous contests! Of course Medusa wants to get chosen by Poseidon, but to do that she’ll have to win his swimming contest. No big deal, considering her parents are inattentive, tragic-back-story sea monsters, but she orders a magical Pegasus necklace that’s supposed to give her immortal powers anyway, just to be on the safe side. It looks like she’s going to win too, when she decides to Do The Right Thing and rescue her kindergarten buddy Andromeda from bullies instead. Poseidon finally notices her anyway, but says she’s got to wear a hat to cover up her snake hair if they’re going to hang. She realizes he’s bad news and dramatically gives up her crush! It’s cool, Dionysus doesn’t mind her snakes, and loves her sassy sense of humor. You go, girl!! Also, a stray Zeus lightning bolt combines with kindergarten Perseus’ toy Medusa shield and the remains of her probably-fake(?) Pegasus charm to create an actual real life Pegasus!! Best wedding present ever??

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Short answer: what mythos? Seriously, they didn’t really try with this one. But, using the open-ended approach does let them pretty much make it up as they go along without being restricted by the myth, so I’ll award bonus points instead for honorable mentions. Points go for the mention of Medusa’s parents, Ceto and Phorcys, and (as usual) the inclusion of her sisters, Euryale and Stheno. There are a fair number of other minor mentions throughout, notably the appearance of Perseus and Andromeda roughly halfway through. Loss of points for Perseus being basically useless and contributing nothing to the plot apart from his Medusoid shield. At the same time, double points for their clever re-imagining of Medusa’s decapitation/Pegasus’ birth. Which, admittedly, required Perseus’ shield. So I’ll give them a pass and let’s call it even.

Being more faithful to myth would have made the ending kind of a downer

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Don’t get so caught up in a guy’s dreamy turquoise skin that you don’t realize what a loser he is on the inside.
2) Guidance counselors are never as helpful as BFFs.
3) Ancient Greek God gift registries are attended by creepy puppets.

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Dionysus. He gets all the ladies.
Part: “…Career-ology Week. (Or Job-ology Week, as the students called it.)”
Thing I Learned: Go for the drunken ones. They’re more fun.

She just wants friends, you guys

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Medusa!!! I love that she paints her nails in class so people will think she’s super blase about school, and then studies really hard secretly when no one’s looking
Part: At Zeus and Hera’s wedding when asked if anyone objects, a fly buzzes into the arena! Oh no, is it Athena’s inexplicable fly-mom coming to throw her tiny weight around?? Nah, just a normal fly, we cool. Loved this Ancient Greek insect fake out.
Thing I Learned: Medusa’s snakes apparently are named: Viper, Flicka, Pretzel, Snapper, Twister, Slinky, Lasso, Slither, Scaly, Emerald, Sweetpea, and Wiggle. Why don’t Ancient Greek legends record this? Apparently we never asked.

Next Time: Super Special: The Girl Games!
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6, Book 7

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VIQVI: Responding to Spam, May 2012

June 12th, 2012 by pladd

It’s been a little more than a month since Vitally Important Questions of Vital Importance responded to my ever-increasing spam folder. Sorry to keep you waiting, spambots!

These are all comments on my Sam Neill Update: Creepster Edition:

Spirit Animal writes:

Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Don’t worry, Spirit Animal! There’s no rule that says you have to stay on topic in the comments, particularly when you have a great electronics-destroying story to tell. I think my favorite part of your comment is that you include that your sister now has “83 views”. That’s less than my cousin’s homemade youtube news program about NASCAR, so I don’t think she can qualify as a “youtube sensation” yet. Maybe, like my cousin, she should try to involve an animal in her act.

Free Viagra writes:

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I know my posts about Sam Neill really pull at the heartstrings, Free Viagra. I don’t know what “pursuits” they’re helping you attain, but I assume you mean pretending you’ve seen many Sam Neill movies to explain why you were caught trespassing on his vineyard. Glad to help you and your mates!

Stefan Santarpia writes:

I just now wanted to thank you once more for your amazing website you have created here. It is full of ideas for those who are seriously interested in that subject, especially this very post. Your all so sweet plus thoughtful of others and reading your site posts is an excellent delight to me. And thats a generous surprise! Ben and I will certainly have pleasure making use of your tips in what we need to do in the near future. Our collection of ideas is a distance long and simply put tips is going to be put to very good use.

Again, SteFan Santarpia, I haven’t previously thought of my Sam Neill posts as “useful” or full of “tips”, so I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s a secret cadre of Sam Neill-obsessed stalkers who I am somehow aiding and abetting with my far more passive obsession with him. Either that, or you’re really into funny hats.

cancer scammer writes:

i don’t like your blog, it gave me cancer

Well, I’m glad it’s not all vague and seemingly unrelated praise! Although I’m sorry to hear about your condition, Cancer Scammer! I was previously unaware that sarcastic posts about Sam Neill in hats could cause cancer, but I guess that shows what I know! The cadre of Sam Neill-stalkers and I are rooting for you!

For more constructive criticism, does he love me writes about another Sam Neill update:

of course like your web site but you have to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very troublesome to tell the truth nevertheless I will definitely come back again.

I’m sorry to hear that, does he love me. I completely understand how poor spelling and grammar can be really distracting! I guess I will try harder in the future to get my posts up to Spam Standards of English.

My most recent Sam Neill post also garnered some spam attention (spamtention?):

True Religion Jeans writes:

Impressive site. Plenty of helpful information here. I’m sending it for some friends ans in addition sharing throughout delicious. And positively, thank you in your sweat!

You’re welcome, True Religion Jeans, although I don’t sweat much while watching and writing up Sam Neill movies! I know, I make it look like such hard work, but once you’ve watched 106 hours of them like I have, you can generally sit through at least one without having to stop for a sports drink to replenish electrolytes.

Leigh Pickman writes:

I will pray. Gladly. Good to know there is a fellow NRA type gal who also loves Christ and good handbags.

Thanks for your prayers, Leigh! However, just because I have now watched A Hunt for Red October does not make me an “NRA type gal”. I can see why the confusion! After all, normally those two go together like Christ and good handbags! Sorry for the mixup.

Finally, I had SO MUCH spam correspondence about my first post responding to spam! It’s obvious that those spambots really appreciated that someone was finally taking the time to address their concerns:

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Spambots: the most misunderstood of all Internet goblins! See, you guys? If we just take the time to understand them and respond to their needs, they’ll show their gratitude in the only way they know how: vague and grammatically problematic blog comments. You’re welcome, guys!

Crystal Ball writes:

why are my comments not showing?

I’m sorry, Crystal! My blog settings are so prejudiced against spam! Don’t worry, we’ll always have VIQVI!

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Ten Years of Journals

June 7th, 2012 by pladd

I’ve kept a journal semi-regularly since 1998. Well, except for most of 2001, whose absence I can’t really explain:

Of course I have a spreadsheet about this, why would you even ask?

They’re kind of a weird resource, because they’re definitely biased towards the bad parts of life. It’s way more cathartic to vent about why you’re mad or sad than record in loving detail funny conversations with your friends, so I really think anyone reading them through would probably think I was manic depressive and really unpleasant to be around. Which is totally not the case, right?

I started the project of transcribing them into searchable word documents December 27, 2004. I know the exact date because, duh, I wrote this in my journal:

12/27/04: I’ve begun typing in my journals starting with sixth grade and have decided that I was pretty much an idiot.

Harsh, High School Patricia. I mean, look at this:

5/26/99: . Lisa is a BUTT! She stole my new birthday pen and wrote on the wall with it. Then she tried to put it in her trapper and messed up the feathers. I found it in math. It didn’t work because part of the paint got stuck in it or something.

Trapper keepers, feathered pens, AND calling someone a butt in all caps? Sometimes I just can’t take how awesome I have always been.

Anyway, now that I’ve completed transcribing about 10 years and 12 journals worth, I decided to make some exciting charts! Simply counting the number of times a word appears isn’t really accurate since some journals are a lot longer than others, so all these figures are based on the average number of instances of the word per page per journal. Steven’s overall total was 0.6 mentions per page, which is pretty good since I only met him in Journal 7.

Apparently I briefly knew another Steven in middle school

Looks like I was in the worst mood in 2004. I wonder how many of those are just “I hate college applications” over and over. Journal 8 was during the first year of college, so I’m sure that’s all “I love college! None of my professors take attendance!” or “OMG diary, I love the servery so much, I’m sure I will never get sick of amazing recycled cereal dessert it is THE BEST!”

Like any period of change and excitement, first year of college also marks a dramatic increase in uncertainty and stress:

“I will maybe probably have no friends 🙁 I’m really worried about it”

The sharp climb in worry at Journal 12 represents the 2 months I spent at home before going to Scotland for study abroad. It’s also the time period I was most prolific, since I didn’t have much to do but write pages every day about how freaked out I was to be going, how being gone for a semester would probably mean I would lose all my friends, and how–I kid you not–I was probably going to freeze to death.

1/24/08: I don’t know who Rachel and I will live with next year! How am I supposed to figure this out an ocean away? Whatever, I guess it won’t matter when I freeze to death walking to Scottish class. And then there’ll just be all these guys in kilts laughing at me while I can’t move because I’m encased in a solid block of ice, at the mercy of the harsh highland yeti bears.

Yeah, Scotland totally did not live up to these expectations. Unfortunately. Because I would love to get a picture with a Highland Yeti Bear.

In the midst of tracking instances of worry and stress, I also recorded what category of thing I was freaking out about to make this colorful pie chart:

High school Patricia really threw off this curve where “school” is concerned

Three journals from now “the future” will be dwarfing the other pie slices, just wait.

And, since this is the kind of thing I do, here is a wordle made from the transcripts of all 12 journals:

It’s weird to me that “French” is almost as big as “English”

Although now that I think about it, most high school drama I recorded probably went down in French class, so that makes sense. Individual journal wordles after the cut: Read the rest of this entry »

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Sam Neill Update: Prime Minister, Soviet Sub Captain, Master Criminal

May 25th, 2012 by pladd

Sorry I couldn’t think of an overarching theme for this week. It was going to be “Sam Neill: Action Guy”, but I couldn’t really make this first one fit with that. And then I thought maybe “Sam Neill: Forgettable Minor Character” but he’s the main villain–well “villain”–in the last one, so that didn’t work either. Deal with it. Current status of this project: 86% complete, 105 hours.

Molokai: The Story of Father Damien (1999)

Sam Neill's head has no business being the second biggest on this cover

The Movie: This film is based on the true story of Father Damien, a priest who selflessly worked for 16 years in the leper colony on the Hawaiian island of Molokai, petitioning the government and church for funds, helping to build houses and plant crops, and eventually dying of leprosy himself.

Sorry I didn't get any pictures of leprosy for you

The colony is a pretty terrible place to be, especially when Damien first gets there. People are forcibly sent there, taken away from their families, and it’s underfunded and lawless, with the few strong less-sick people stealing all the rations. With Damien’s help, global awareness grows, and the government is eventually forced to send them things like beds and a doctor. I was surprised to read that people were being moved there as late as 1969, and some of them are still there. Also, in 2009 Father Damien was made a saint!

The Character: Sam Neill plays the prime minister Walter M. Gibson whose wikipedia page pretty much reads like a ridiculous adventure novel (gunrunning? excommunication? buying a newspaper to tell everyone how great he is? a Pacific empire?). Unfortunately, the version of him Sam Neill plays is much less exciting, mostly limiting himself to weaseling out of giving Father Damien anything, and insisting that leprosy is just a form of syphilis, so clearly those people deserve it for being skanks.

But, hey, sideburns

What I Learned: All about leprosy! Which we are now calling Hansen’s disease. Apparently sufferers stop being contagious after 2 weeks of treatment and about 95% of people are naturally immune.

You should watch this if: you aren’t planning on eating breakfast while watching, unlike me

The Hunt for Red October (1990)

You’ve probably already seen this one, right?

I bet this was a lot more exciting in 1990

The Movie: I know it’s weird that I’ve never seen this, but you know I’m not a huge fan of war movies. I also managed to somehow live 22 years without knowing the basic plot, so I was pretty curious at the outset if Sean Connery was going to be a bad guy or not and how one-dimensional evil the Soviets would be, since this was made during the Cold War. If, like me, you somehow don’t know this plot, let me fill you in. Sean Connery is a USSR submarine captain who, along with his officers, has decided to defect to the US with their super cool awesome new submarine, the Red October.

According to imdb, that hair piece cost $20,000

In the process, he has to keep the US from just firing on him, keep the Russians from sinking the ship so it doesn’t fall into US hands, and save the rest of his crew who don’t know anything about this secret plan. Luckily, the CIA has Alex Baldwin, who can basically read his mind.

Also, Tim Curry is his doctor?

I don’t really understand all of what happened (I admit to completely spacing out during the “dramatic” submarine maneuvers at the end), but after getting the rest of the crew to evacuate because of a fake radiation leak, Sean Connery tricks the pursuing USSR submarine into blowing itself up. Somehow? I don’t know, the point is, he totally makes it to America and the government doesn’t want you to know about it.

Sean Connery/Sam Neill??? I ship it

The Character: Sam Neill plays Captain Vasili Borodin, and he seems to be Sean Connery’s second in command. At one point, he asks Sean Connery if the Americans will “let him live in Montana”, and that his plan is to marry a “round American woman” and raise rabbits and winter in Arizona with a pick up truck and just drive around from state to state, because they let you do that. And I was like “Russian Accent Sam, I will be your round American woman any day.” I would maybe even learn to cook rabbits.

Oh, but you've got to give me that hat. Important part of this deal

Unfortunately, our dreams could never be, since he’s killed by a cook/saboteur right before the submarine version of a Western shoot out. He dies saying how sad he is to never get to see Montana.

What I Learned: Apparently the sonar guy in the US submarine can hear the men singing inside the Red October at one point?? I had no idea sonar was so precise.

You should watch this if you like: war movies; not knowing what’s going on

Framed (2002 TV movie)

Rob Lowe with a New York accent was the main character of this movie, which was super distracting

This cover pretty much says it all

The Movie: Rob Lowe is vacationing with his family in the Bahamas when he happens to run into Sam Neill, famed money launderer. So he catches him! Yay! Then Sam Neill turns state’s evidence, or whatever, to help them get some Russian mob boss, but is convinced that the New York state attorney is crooked and out to get him. Rob Lowe is tricked into helping him escape? Or maybe it was their plan all along? Something like that.

I'm mainly used to Rob Lowe from Parks and Rec, so it was shocking to see him eat a candy bar

A lot of the plot hinges on Rob Lowe’s attempts to get Sam Neill to give him a “secret zip disk” with lots of incriminating data on it. lulz 2002

The Character: Sam Neill is like amoral James Bond, basically.

Just chillin on my boat with my wife and girlfriend. What?

He teaches Rob Lowe’s character about cloth napkins and fancy cooking, and, to make sure he’s not wearing a wire/being tracked, forces him to change clothes into this fancy schmancy suit he bought him.

"Are you giving me fashion tips at gun point?" "Someone has to"

Eventually Sam Neill gets away to live on his boat in the Caribbean with the two beautiful ladies that are right for him, and Rob Lowe gets his precious zip disk. After turning down a handful of diamonds for some reason. Sometimes being the good cop sucks.

What I Learned: In Brooklyn, using cloth napkins is grounds for your wife cheating on you.

You should watch this if: you want to see Sam Neill being ridiculously nonchalant about how fancy he is.

Previously: Dad Edition
Next: Losing My Mind Edition

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Happy Birthday Animated GIFs and Me!

May 22nd, 2012 by pladd

Yesterday animated GIFs and I both turned 25!!!

May 21, 1987. A truly magical day in history.

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Sam Neill Update: Dad Edition

May 18th, 2012 by pladd

According to my spreadsheet, I’m about 82% done with this project! So far I have spent roughly 99 hours watching Sam Neill movies and TV. Which is insane. But I’ve been at this for more than 8 months now.

This week I watched three movies where Sam Neill is a father figure!! Dads might be tied with crazy people and mean businessmen for Sam Neill’s Most Acted Roles. And one of today’s characters might just be all three!

Daybreakers (2009)

Like the Matrix with vampires instead of machines

The Movie: Vampires are now the dominant species on the planet! Houses and cars have UV protection shields, everyone drinks blood in their coffee, and humans are captured and rounded up for use in blood farms. Except they’re running out of blood and as starvation sets in they begin to turn into creepy bat-monsters with none of the suave coolness we expect from our modern vampires. But don’t worry! Sam Neill’s company is on the case! His scientists are totally trying to find a blood substitute that doesn’t make the drinker… explode violently. Except then his most brilliant scientist/secret human sympathizer gets kidnapped by humans!

Doesn't matter how attractive you are; you'll always look stupid in fake vampire teeth

Also, his name’s Edward, but this was oddly never played for irony. At Secret Human Refugee Camp, Edward meets an ex-vampire hillbilly named Elvis, who somehow got turned human one day during a car accident that exposed him to the sun and then plunged him into a lake to stop the burning. Because that… makes sense…? Whatever, they pull the same stunt on Edward and he’s cured! Unfortunately, his vampire brother tracks him down and bites Elvis… and then he’s cured too? Apparently biting an ex-vampire is also a… because… WHATEVER TIME TO TAKE DOWN THE BIG BOSS. Ed basically tricks Sam Neill into biting him, thus curing him of his vampirism, and then leaves him tied up so that his sweet human blood will distract the guards, who then take part in a disturbing feeding/becoming human/getting eaten cycle of gore. The final shot is Elvis driving our heroes into the sunrise, setting off to cure the rest of vampire society.

And yet, the plot still makes more sense than any other movie about a vampire named Edward I can think of

Regardless of the questionable idea of a “vampire cure”, I still liked this movie. It was interesting to see a conception of what a vampire society would be like, and also a slightly different take on vampire mythology than I’ve seen before i.e. that they only become monster-like when deprived of human blood.

The Character: Sam Neill plays Charles Bromley, the vampire CEO of a company that supplies the vampire world with blood. Unlike other randomly ruthless businessmen he’s played, Charles actually has a sympathetic back story, in that he was about to die of cancer before becoming a vampire. Yay, more time to spend with his daughter! Except she thinks vampires are monsters and goes into hiding.

Whatever, Sam Neill is the CLASSIEST vampire

Sam Neill hires Edward’s brother to track her down and make her one of them, but then she goes crazy and willingly turns herself into a starved bat monster, and Sam Neill has no choice but to order her execution along with the others. So probably not getting anything great for Father’s Day this year.

What I Learned: Vampires are easy to spot because they have glow-in-the-dark yellow eyes.

You should watch this if you like: actually scary vampires; “science”

Bicentennial Man (1999)

171 excruciating minutes of Robin Williams

The Movie: Unlike a lot of the movies I’ve watched for this project, it’s possible you’ve seen this one. It’s based on an Asimov story and I remember it being kind of a big deal when it came out. Or at least, I remember people talking about it, which is more than I can say for most movies from this project. I don’t remember why I didn’t see it at the time, but my guess would be because it’s over two hours long but feels like five. Robin Williams is an android named Andrew acquired by Sam Neill for his family. His wife and older daughter are creeped out by it, but his younger daughter forms a nauseating attachment to it. Unlike other robots, Andrew can build and create because of some kind of mechanical anomaly. The robot eventually gains its freedom, travels the world to search for others of its kind, and comes back with a body upgrade to make it look like Robin Williams, because of course that’s what you would choose. Then it falls in love with Sam Neill’s great-granddaughter and petitions the world court for human rights, eventually installing its own mortality so that it and its marriage to a human woman can be considered real.

Yeah, Sam Neill died in the first third of this movie but I kept on watching. For you.

The Character: Sam Neill plays Richard Martin, the dad who originally purchases Andrew for his family. He’s the one most excited about the technology, and stands up for Andrew’s rights when the company tries to recall him and reprogram him to be a “normal” robot. He also decides to teach Andrew about life, but crankily refuses to let him buy his freedom, eventually banishing him from the house because of it, only to repent on his death bed. Still unclear on if he would sanction his descendant’s sketchy robot union.

Also he and his wife drink wine and play chess in the evening. Because they are enlightened future people.

I guess I just found it hard to suspend my disbelief. Like, if you are going to marry an aging robot, why one that looks like Robin Williams?

What I Learned: Robots are just as boring as people.

You should watch this if you like: long, drawn out stories about feelings

The Zookeeper (2001)

It's tough being a father figure to a kid with an AK-47 and a nicotine addiction

The Movie: Ludovic stays behind after everyone else evacuates the Eastern European city where he works as a zookeeper because someone has to look out for these animals! The soldiers are threatening and scary, and it’s possible that he and the animals both will starve to death or be killed in fiery explosions. Eventually a badass old-before-his-time street child and his mother seek refuge in the zoo, and Ludovic is gruff and annoyed, but tries to hide them from the soldiers. After a final night of heavy bombing during which most of the animals die, Ludovic finally agrees to leave the zoo and escape with the mother and son. Of course the mother is dramatically shot just when you think everyone is safe, but Ludovic, the boy, and a cute wolf puppy all make it to a UN camp.

Also, this happens, and suddenly EVERYTHING IS WORTH IT I LOVE YOU SAM

The Character: Sam Neill is Ludovic, who seems to have a lot of demons in his past. He really just wants to hide from the outside world inside the zoo, keeping to his quiet routine without being bothered. But the sad little boy with his chilling willingness to shoot a man for cigarettes eventually wins his pity, and he tries to help him realize that some things Aren’t His Fault, and it’s okay to cry or feel sad. Sam Neill’s Eastern European accent was a little weird, but I think that’s just because I’m so used to his regular one.

Also, at one point he bribes the mean soldier captain to go away with a baby lion

What I Learned: Sam Neill explains to his doomed veterinarian friend that even if a bottle seems empty, there’s always 13 drops left. Truly, hope springs eternal.

You should watch this if you like: grim war movies; children with PTSD, animals!!

Previously: Creepster Edition
Next: Prime Minister, Soviet Sub Captain, Master Criminal

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Calculus and Cocktails

May 16th, 2012 by pladd

Steven and I are brushing up on our calculus. For a variety of reasons, including my childhood association of math with family and fun. And something about Steven’s work? I don’t know, the point is calculus and cocktails are alliterative, which gives me permission to do this:

Oh yeah

The Calculus

My mom lent me the annotated teacher’s edition of this text book, Calculus: Graphical, Numerical, Algebraic. AP* Edition. Plus a solution’s manual! Combined with my vague memories of junior year, we should be all set!

The answers are in blue, but we usually hide them with a card

We’ve actually been doing this for a little while (before we thought of the cocktails part, see below) so this was section 2.2 Limits Involving Infinity. It involved a lot more looking at graphs to decide things than either of us remember doing in highschool, but maybe that’s because I’ve blocked out everything before chapter 3.3 (I peeked ahead) and Steven went to highschool back when calculators probably filled entire rooms.

I mean, he is turning 27 this weekend; so old right now!

The Cocktails

Of course, Steven has always been into making fancy drinks (and food, for that matter), but things really took off two weeks ago, on Carrboro Day(!), when he bought an in-depth book about cocktails from the Carrboro branch library book sale.

A dollar well spent.

It not only has lots of recipes (and good pictures!) but information on how various liquors and liqueurs are made, how to make fancy garnishes, and the history of liquor and specific cocktails. Exciting!

These were the two he made yesterday:

For me, a Jamaica Sunday

So maybe I drank half of it before remembering to take a picture

Ingredients: 2 measures dark rum, 1/4 measure honey, 1/2 measure lime juice, 2 measures sparkling lemonade

You combine the honey and rum first, then add the lime juice, and finally the lemonade.

This drink was great, especially since I really like lime. It wasn’t too sweet or sticky like some cocktails, and the honey+rum combination made both of them taste better. Steven thought it was too strong-tasting, but he never had his taste buds sanded off by Taaka, so there it is.

For himself, Steven unashamedly made the Pink Pussycat.

Totally confident in his gender identity

Ingredients: 2 measures gin, 3 measures pineapple juice, 2 measures grapefruit juice, 1/2 measure grenadine

Just shake em all up together.

Steven really liked this drink and recommends it to anyone who doesn’t like tasting alcohol, but likes grapefruit. I didn’t, because all I could taste was the pineapple juice, a flavor I like, but not on its own.

In conclusion, this is the best combination of things ever!!! Thank you, alliteration.

Next time: Chapter 2.3, Continuity and probably something involving sweet tea vodka

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Goddess Girls: Artemis the Loyal

May 15th, 2012 by pladd

It’s Goddess Girls time again!!! Now that we’re caught up, we can read them in order! This is Book 7, Artemis the Loyal.

Totally misleading cover; nothing this exciting ever happens

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
The Olypmics are coming up, when all the boys at Mount Olympus Academy compete against boys from other schools in exciting athletic events! Artemis is angry that, even though she’s a great athlete, she can’t participate, so decides to petition Zeus to start a girls-only Olypmics for fairness. Meanwhile, her brother Apollo is mad at her for always trying to help him and making him look weak, so he decides to participate in the scariest Olympic event of all: matching wits with the Parnassus Python! Plus, Actaeon is totally crushing on her, and maybe one of the rival giant athletes is too?? Eventually, Zeus agrees to the girl games after his new fiance Hera wheedles it out of him and Apollo steps up to show that boys support it too.

In the book this confrontation involves a lot less fighting and a lot more lame riddles

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Let’s be clear about this one: this was a story completely written for its own sake with very little effort (or apparently desire) to reinterpret any given myth in a new context. Thus trying to rate the faithfulness to any original mythos would be an apples-to-oranges comparison. Having said that, there are a few original mythical themes that raise their heads in this book, most notably the interaction between Artemis, the hunter Actaeon, and his transformation into a stag. Artemis takes offense at an action of Actaeon’s, transforms him into a stag, and he is subsequently pursued by hounds. I know that’s an extremely high-level summary of the original myth, but that’s about as close to it as the book’s version comes. In the original, Actaeon accidentally stumbles upon the virginal goddess being bathed by her nymph attendants and his (unintentional) sacrilege in viewing her uncoveredm—perhaps he lingered a little too long to watch?—is the catalyst for Artemis’ vengeful transformation. In that version, his own hounds do as they were trained and take up the pursuit of their erstwhile master in stag form, eventually taking him down and tearing him to pieces. The book’s version is much tamer; Actaeon makes fun of the already sensitive goddess-girl and is temporarily transformed out of pique, being chased by a visiting giant as well as her own hounds until she hurriedly rescinds the transformation to save him.
Other than that, the whimsical tale of pre-teen romance between Artemis and her two suitors, Actaeon and Otus (an actual admirer/suitor of Artemis after a stalker-y fashion in the original myth), is pretty much spun out of whole cloth. The only other major reference worth mentioning is the creation of the Heraean Games, an actual female-only athletic competition which may have functioned as Greek women’s foil to the all-male Olympics. Of course, in the actual Greek Olympics, unlike the book, there would have been no female spectators at the games on pain of a long walk over a short cliff. Still, bonus points for trying, right?

Steven is continually disappointed that this series doesn't contain the nudity and bloodshed he's accustomed to in Greek mythology

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) Want to convince someone in authority of something, ladies? You either need to use your wiles or get male backing. Who cares if 60 girls signed Artemis’ petition? It’s the page of BOY signatures Apollo was able to get that really count
2) When twins are identical, one of them is always evil
3) Just because you’re ten minutes older, doesn’t mean you get to mother your brother to death.

Steven’s Favorites!
Character: Otus the giant. He really lives up to the bringer-of-civilization reputation he had in Greek myth, even if they don’t make mention of it.
Part: Artemis’ first encounter with the Python. I couldn’t help but root for the snake!
Thing I Learned: ‘Saying uncle’ in ancient Greece was enough to get you released by the terrible mythological monster of your choice. Why didn’t all the heroes try that instead of all the fighting? Seems a lot less tiring.

Patricia’s Favorites!!
Character: Actaeon! Way to take it in stride when you’re turned into a stag and hunted by giants, guy.
Part: When Artemis completely failed to disguise herself as a boy to enter the games and SHOW THEM ALL WHAT GIRLS CAN DO. Why did this not even occur to her?? She already has an identical twin it is completely perfect.
Thing I Learned: Giants practice bride kidnapping and it’s okay because that’s their culture

Next: Medusa the Mean
Previously:
Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6

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