Goddess Girls: Aphrodite the Diva

Summary of Amazingness
By Patricia
Aphrodite needs some extra credit in Hero-ology ASAP after accidentally starting that unfortunate Trojan War. So she decides to use her powers to help lonely mortals find love! Due to a mail delivery mix-up (thanks, rhyming magical winds), she and Isis, the Egyptian goddess of love, both end up trying to help the same mortal, Pygmalion. So they get into a crush-finding contest made more difficult by the fact that Pygmalion is a self-centered jerk! In the end, he confesses to being totally in love with this statue he’s made, and the two goddesses work together to bring her to life… in reward for his… jerkiness? Also, Metis the Fly Mom left Zeus for another fly, so Aphrodite helps him get together with Hera! She also finds love for Medusa (Dionysus), Pandora (Poseidon), Mr. Cyclops (Cleo, three-eyed makeup store owner), and herself (Ares!). She and Isis decide to be love goddess BFFs. The end!

You thought Egyptian goddess faces would look less insectoid? Fool!

Faithfulness to Original Mythos
By Steven
Basically the only thing any part of this had in common with an actual mythical storyline was that Aphrodite was responsible for Pygmalion’s statue, Galatea, coming to life and being his wife (and even then, the name ‘Galatea’ is only a later historical assignment to said statue). Oh, there are other minor characters and events that mirror mythological tradition, like Medusa’s crush on Poseidon (see how she got to be Medusa in the first place according to later myth…) or Pygmalion’s residence on Cyprus. But mostly, 2 thumbs down for accuracy. The Egyptian connection has no basis in myth, Cairo wasn’t founded until the 10th century A.D., Aphrodite’s Egyptian counterpart would have been Hathor, not Isis, and Hera was Zeus’s sister-wife, not some shopkeeper with a crush. Oh well.

Steven's just mad about Cairo because it was my guess for what "C" stood for and he hates losing

Tween Girl Life Lessons
By Patricia
1) If you love a fake thing hard enough and annoy those around you with it, eventually it will become REAL! I assume this is what Twihards are aiming for.
2) You can be friends with someone despite disagreeing on things like the afterlife or whether dogs are better than cats.
3) Ignore all jerkiness from the past. If a cute guy starts sending you badly-rhymed secret admirer notes, you are required to fall in love with him again.
4) There’s someone for everyone. Even if their hair is made of snakes.

Patricia’s Favorites!!!
Character: Artemis. She can declare a friendship finished because DOGS ARE SO BETTER THAN CATS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Part: Ares’ romantic love song. It includes genius lyrics like “I was on your side in the Trojan War, when I think of you I think “amour”.”
Thing I Learned: Hera totally got a bad rap in Greek mythology, you guys! Turns out, she’s not the ur-bitch! She’s just tough but fair.

Tried to find a picture for you of Hera being a bitch that I could caption sarcastically, but the first page of google images had nothing, so here's her chillin with Prometheus

Steven’s Favorites
Character: Dionysus. Because you can be a sleaze and still get the girls as long as you’re not picky.
Part: The immortal matchmaker quizzes! Apparently knowing your favorite animal is the first step to finding your true love!
Thing I Learned: Ra gives underwater (underground?) sunboat rides if you’re there in time to catch him.

I think Steven is being sarcastic, but I have ANCIENT EGYPTIAN PROOF so there

Next Time: Athena the Brain!!
Previously: Artemis the Brave

Or read them in order: Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6

4 responses to “Goddess Girls: Aphrodite the Diva”

  1. […] Time: Aphrodite the Diva!! Previously: Aphrodite the […]

  2. Clearly a missed opportunity to have Charon and Ra have a boat fight

  3. […] Aphrodite the Diva Next:: Persephone the […]

  4. […] Or read them in order: Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, Book 4, Book 5, Book 6 […]

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