Things I’ve Made: Fruity Oaty Bars

Today I was so inspired by a letter from Roque, that I decided to actually honor my pledge of blog updates WITHOUT FAIL every Tuesday and Friday (other weeks I’m more inspired to maintain my reputation as a pathological liar). In this letter, Roque commented that “as far as I can tell, all of the food you eat in NC is normal meals morphed into cupcake form”. While this is mostly true, last week I tried and failed to construct the famous octopii-endorsed, shit-flipping-causing, Fruity Oaty Bar for our Serenity movie night.

After much debate, I decided to use this recipe, although I was especially bad about having the correct ingredients. I never seem to have the right size pan, and am horrible at remembering to double everything on the fly. Also, I randomly decided to pour snack mix on top. So here is my revised recipe (with notes about mistakes I made):

2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups flour
2 cups oats
However much jam you have
1 package of Fruit & Nut mix with dried fruit and different kinds of nuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 and line whatever size pan you have with wax paper.
This part was fine.
2. Cream butter with sugar and salt. Add flour. Stir in oats.
This is the part where I realized my pan was too big, so I’ve doubled this recipe to match.
3. Press about 3/4 of the mixture into the pan.
4. Place jam in small saucepan and cook over lowest heat until it becomes liquidy, pourable, and looks vaguely like congealed brain or Halloween-style blood. Pour jam over pan.
I also underestimated how much jam I would need so it was more like a light dusting.
5. Sprinkle remaining dough and Fruit&Nut mix over jam.
6. Bake for 35 minutes. Cool in pan for 30 minutes.

Also, they cause fires.

One response to “Things I’ve Made: Fruity Oaty Bars”

  1. If the commercial is any indication, you also forgot to include the most important ingredient: LSD.

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