Things That Spell Our Doom: Google Analytics

Google Analytics has opened my eyes to a lot of things. 1) That I apparently have a growing following in Barueri, Brazil, 2) that my review of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is by far my most popular page to date, and 3) my picture from Deussen park in Humble was used in an article on Viral Eruption about ridiculous exit signs. If they think the sign’s ridiculous, they should see the buffalo.

However, the best part of Google Analytics, by far, is the ability to see what search terms led people to the welcoming embrace of The Plaid Pladd. Naturally the top searches this month were “patricia ladd” and “plaid pladd” but some other great ones include:

human leash (8)
dmventures (5)
“listen to showdown throwdown by miley cyrus” (3)
“oh no bella don’t you go” (3)
“it’s my fault for loving you too much” (1)
“scent-confusing” (1)
anna baron humble texas (1)
can we kill the people that don’t like twilight? (1)
cynthia bova blog (1)
edward undress bella (1)
is cookie crisp healthy (1)
plaid pants “murderer” (1)
sharks natural enemies (1)
timeline of plaid (1)
vampire egg love me twilight meyers (1)
waffle killed (1)

It’s almost like poetry.

This information is going to help me a lot. Clearly this is what people want out of me, so I should include more articles about vampire egg love me twilight meyers, twilight porn, and stalking Anna Baron. Don’t worry, gang, I have heard your silent call. Through google. And the software it gave me to spy on you.

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