Posts Tagged ‘Steven’

The Ultimate Kitchen Challenge: French Macarons

After hearing that delicious French macarons are “the ultimate kitchen challenge,” you’d better believe I was ready to pick up that gauntlet and use it to punch baking in the face. My opponent was Steven, because everyone else I texted about it has lives. FOOLS.

Here’s a picture of what French macarons are supposed to look like:

If you do it right, and are fancy enough to have this many flavors

If you do it right, and are fancy enough to have this many flavors

They’re a delicious mixture of crispy outside, cakey inside, with different kinds of ganache/coulis/whatever fancy filling in between. They’re also, hands down, the hardest cookie to make. Even this youtube tutorial, which is a “foolproof” method trying to convince you that YES YOU CAN, admits that. And that one little mistake can make all your work for naught. These cookies are finicky as hell. The batter has to be mixed to just the right consistency–my recipe even specified the approximate number of spatula turns in an attempt to guide me that still didn’t work–and then it’s piped out onto a cookie sheet and baked at just the right temperature. After reading a few online tutorials, all of which began with something along the lines of “Okay, I’ve tried this five times, and here’s what I’ve got so far…” I started to think that maybe I had started trashtalking a little too early. Regardless, I powered through.

My macaron game face

My macaron game face

The first step (in my recipe at least) was to sift together the almond flour and the powdered sugar. I had a long argument with our food processor, but finally, after covering most of the kitchen in sugar, ended up with this:

So far so good, except for the mess

So far so good, except for the mess

Apparently it has to be as powdery and fine a consistency as possible, or else. Next step, beat the egg whites into stiff peaks. I think this step was my eventual downfall:

Next time (lol) I will turn the mixer up higher

Next time (lol) I will turn the mixer up higher

My biggest mistake, looking back, was that my egg whites weren’t stiff enough. So when I reached the crucial step of combining the ingredients–but only just enough OH GOD IS IT OVERMIXED OR UNDERMIXED WHAT IS HAPPENING–the batter was too runny. So when I piped it out (or tried to–another battle with a kitchen apparatus ending in stalemate) I got blobby puddles:

Ehhhhh it's probably fine

Ehhhhh it’s probably fine

At this point, I was pretty sure all was lost, but I was going to put them in the oven anyway, because whatever. Though the recipe was supposed to be for 24 macarons (therefore 48 cookies), I ended up baking about 18 after said battle with pastry piper. Probably because they were thinner than called for, they ended up a little more golden than they should:

Crispy

Crispy

Plus, the tops of many of them had separated from the still-gooey bottoms, which were stuck to the parchment paper like glue:

Nice try

Nice try

Undaunted, I whipped up the lemon mascarpone filling:

So lemony

So lemony

And assembled what macarons I could from the cookies I could salvage:

The grand total

The grand total

Then I put them in the fridge since one of the tutorials I read said they needed 24 hours to mature. I was pretty sure I had lost, but wouldn’t know until Steven tried his recipe later.

He’d done way more research than me (I spent more time assembling my power playlist), and he started so strong. His egg whites were definitely whipped to perfect peaks.

His were chocolate, but he dyed them pink

His were chocolate, but he dyed them pink

His piped beautifully too:

I knew I was doomed

I knew I was doomed

And, though they’d changed color after coming out of the oven, they still looked great:

Ugh

Ugh

Some chocolate ganache filling and they seemed to be the perfect macarons:

I was pretty mad, not going to lie

I was pretty mad, not going to lie

BUT THEN, after maturing in the fridge, his were still hard as rocks and crunchy, not at all the consistency a true macaron should be. While mine were few in number and a little weird-looking and thin, at least they had the crunchy outside and soft insides that make macarons so delicious. Plus, mine were super lemony, his favorite flavor (not cheating–he could have picked any flavor too). So, with complete astonishment, we agreed that I was the true winner of THE ULTIMATE KITCHEN CHALLENGE!

clapping

Although we were both far from perfect. And while I’m content to never try that again (too much work for too little pay off), Steven is all set for more experimentation. As you probably could have guessed.

Reasons Steven is Amazing!!!

I realized recently that I’ve told you all about why my mom and Bova are amazing, but I’ve never written anything similar about Steven. Which is weird, because he is definitely amazing!! Usually I would debut such a list around his birthday, but that tends to get swallowed up in mine, which is the day after and vastly more important (let’s be real). So in the middle of June it will have to be!!

1. Steven is an amazing cook!

Homemade pasta day!

Homemade pasta day!

Steven is a great cook, especially if you want something more complicated and fancy than other people would attempt at home. Sure, you might be eating dinner 3 hours later than expected, but it will be delicious and quality-controlled on the minutest scale.

Everything that can be done by hand is

Everything that can be done by hand is

This attention to detail is also the reason why:

2. Steven is amazing at painting nails!

Well, he is

Well, he is

I am terrible at painting nails. At least I will be until painting your entire finger blue by accident comes into fashion. Steven takes painstakingly tiny strokes, and seems to have infinite patience. It means the process may have multiple lengthy steps, but the results look great!

This is like five different coats, what!

This is like five different coats, what!

3. Actually, Steven is just amazing at defying gender roles in general

Picture unrelated

Picture unrelated

Natch I would never be with someone who was all “I only want to bro out and watch sports and you better change your name to mine so everyone knows I own you now etc”. But that’s an insultingly low bar so we’re not going to talk about that. Steven is amazing because he is actively interested in things and enthusiastic about things he enjoys no matter what anyone else thinks. “Do you want to learn to knit? “Sounds fun!” “Painting my nails is so hard.” “I can paint your nails–I have some cool ideas to try.” “Crap, I don’t know how to iron this bridesmaid dress without ruining it.” “I got it.”

Also there's that whole My Little Pony/rainbow hair thing

Also there’s that whole My Little Pony/rainbow hair thing

4. Steven is not so great at crosswords, but he still tries which is amazing!!!

On Sundays (and Wednesdays, randomly) the News and Observer has TWO crosswords, so Steven and I always go to Panera, eat bagels, and do one each. Then we switch.

Mountain dew is the breakfast of champions

Mountain dew is the breakfast of champions

Even working together, we rarely finish either of them, but it’s being a regular at Panera that counts.

5. Steven is amazing at being stupid

And it's amazing

And it’s amazing

Christmas 2013!!

Christmas 2013 was pretty rad. Here are some of the best things that happened to me:

My mom freaking out over the quilt I made

My mom freaking out over the quilt I made

There was a lot to freak out about

Baking cookies!

Baking cookies!

Peanut butter blossoms are my favorite Christmas cookie! Unfortunately, I dropped a whole pan of them while taking them out of the oven. The soft smooshing noises they made on the tile were both beautiful and tragic. These are the ones that survived. Until they were eaten, I guess.

My dad breakfasting like Christmas is Beer Bike

My dad breakfasting like Christmas is Beer Bike

Except with higher quality liquor, of course. What an ugly hat someone made for him!

Mr. Biffle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Biffle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delicious food!

Delicious food!

Family

Family

A hotel room on the beach!!!

A hotel room on the beach!!!

Waking up to this every morning is no bad thing

Perfect view of the sunset too!

Perfect view of the sunset too!

Steven, being surprisingly chill about confronting his ancient enemy (natural light)

Steven, being surprisingly chill about confronting his ancient enemy (natural light)

Playing Take Off!!!!!!!!!!

Playing Take Off!!!!!!!!!!

Take Off is my family’s (well, my brother and my) favorite game, which is ridiculous since it was made to teach geography in like 1991. You have to guide your planes across the globe by rolling multi-colored dice and heartlessly sabotaging each other. Seriously, it may have been made for 8-year-olds, but it is the world’s best game. My only regret is that we only have one of it, which will inevitably lead to a decades-long Ladd family feud between my brother and I if it isn’t specifically addressed in my parents’ will. Maybe we will have to PLAY FOR IT ohhhhhhhh.

I won this year, by the way.

BERN'S STEAKHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BERN’S STEAKHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m thinking about doing a whole post on Bern’s because it’s ridiculous. It’s like what I would have described as a child if asked to imagine how rich people live (“…And then you have a separate room JUST FOR DESSERT…”).

Also, presents!!!!!

Signet Ring!

Signet Ring!

What a cool gift!

Hobbit Pez!!!

Hobbit Pez!!!

Look how the dwarves are tinier! It’s the best!!

Girl+conman+attack goose is the best combination

Girl+conman+attack goose is the best combination

I’m so glad to finally own my favorite Frances Hardinge books

Honey!

Honey!

One of my mom’s students keeps bees, which is the coolest thing ever! Even cooler, I got a big jar of honey!! I’ve already tried some, and, of course, it’s delicious!

Drafts of my books!!!

Drafts of my books!!!

This wasn’t technically a Christmas gift, but they arrived at Christmas and going over them took a lot of work so it felt like a present! Thanks, Brian!!! And Brian’s Mom!

ADVENTURE TIME GLASSES!

ADVENTURE TIME GLASSES!

I’m drinking water out of the Lady Rainicorn one right now, it makes everything taste more adventurous.

Now that I’ve used up my all the remaining exclamation points I’d saved up in 2013, on to New Year’s!

Oranges All Over Everything

As often happens when my parents visit me, I’m left with a giant sack of oranges and grapefruit. They are delicious, but numerous, so Steven and I have to conscientiously try to eat them all before they go bad. To that end, we once again had a ORANGE CHALLENGE SURPRISE dinner on Sunday. It’s kind of like Iron Chef, and the secret ingredient was orange. I’m not sure which of us won this one. Here’s what I made:

I'm not giving you the recipe, because it sucked

I’m not giving you the recipe, because it sucked

On the plus side, it used up three oranges and one grapefruit, so it beat Steven’s on that score. If only it had used them well. It was supposed to be a kind of orzo pasta salad with citrus, red onion, mint, and basil. Yeah… Mint and basil are a super weird combo, and I’m not sure which was the main flavor problem or if it was somehow both of them. Also, red onion always tastes unpleasantly like acid to me, no matter how finely chopped, so each bite basically just tasted like eating raw onion. Bleh.

Luckily, Steven’s was more successful:

He made homemade truffles, like a fancy person

He made homemade truffles, like a fancy person

Usually when Steven tackles these fancy, difficult projects, they end up kind of weird if they end up as anything at all. So you can imagine my shock when it was my easy, sensible recipe that failed hardcore, and his that was a delicious success. He made two kinds: the ones pictured, an orange liqueur truffle, and some orange ginger ones. The process was long, and fraught with peril and messiness, but they are incredibly delicious. Almost too delicious, like I can barely eat a whole one, they’re so rich. This project only took one orange, but it used it wisely.

Back to eating them for breakfast and snacks for me!

International Librarian Corps Signet Ring!!!!

Steven’s way too hopped up on his own genius to keep things secret sometimes, which is why I got one of my Christmas presents early!!! Yay!!!

It's a ring!

It’s a ring!

An International Librarian Corps signet ring! The International Librarian Corps has been appearing in my NaNoWriMo novels since forever. At first it was just a joke from a minor character:

Talwyn rolled her eyes at him and whipped a metal badge out of her pocket. It had an emblem that featured a quill pen writing the word KNOWLEDGE! in big letters, with the exclamation point and all, in an open book. The words “International Librarian Corps” were written across the top, and then “Librarian—First Class” along the bottom. “Suck it,” Talwyn said, putting the badge away.
“Yeah,” Amos said, turning back to the screen. “I’m still not convinced you didn’t have that made just to perpetrate this elaborate subterfuge that librarians matter.”

But eventually I wrote a whole book about a girl being sent to the ILC’s academy, the John Cotton Dana School for the Worryingly Gifted.

“You fight made up monsters?” she asked, glancing at the battle axe hanging high on the wall of the librarian’s office. “Like Where The Wild Things Are?”
“Ever since they developed the taste for human flesh, yes,” Miss Pin confirmed. “But it’s mostly not about physical confrontation. We use books to harness them. Otherwise we’d have an even greater problem on our hands. Once you write it down, it’s more or less tied in place. Of course, they try to escape all the time. Especially in libraries. Which is where I come in.”

Anyway, based on my description, Steven made this baller logo:

Based on the books, there's no way I'm experienced enough at bookaneering to be considered a Librarain--First Class, but whatever

Based on the books, there’s no way I’m experienced enough at bookaneering to be considered a Librarain–First Class, but whatever

Using that, he had it 3D printed!!!! With this app. Truly, we live in the future.

2013 Cookbook Project: DONE!!!!

Woo! Finished with my goal to make one recipe out of each of our cookbooks! That’s 35 in all!

Nothing is better than seeing 100% on a spreadsheet

Nothing is better than seeing 100% on a spreadsheet

Here’s a breakdown of the final 4 since last time we talked:

The Cooking of Italy by Waverly Root and the editors of TIME-LIFE BOOKS

Sorry for the all caps, but that’s how it’s formatted on the title page. It doesn’t surprise me that Time-Life books can’t figure out how to get their caps lock off. Check out the weird cover too:

Not even a title. I guess they think that picture says it all

Not even a title. I guess they think that picture says it all

I’m like 96% sure Steven bought this at Half-Price one day because he’s compulsive and only recently learned that there are lots of recipes on the Internet. It’s cool, this book is pretty alright. It’s organized by region of Italy and has a section at the beginning of each chapter where it talks about life in that region and specialties. We chose to make spinach ravioli with pesto:

Ta-Dah!

Ta-Dah!

Neither was very difficult, especially since I made Steven do all the work:

Kitchen Hack: coerce someone else

Kitchen Hack: coerce someone else

The Hungry Scientist Handbook by Patrick Buckley

This book is more about theory and crazy things that take too much time, effort, and equipment for the likes of me. Steven was really into the section on catching wild yeast to bake with, but that seemed too time-consuming and iffy. You have to check pretty regularly to make sure you aren’t catching mold instead.

I mean, I have my own labcoat, but I mainly wear it while making spreadsheets

I mean, I have my own labcoat, but I mainly wear it while making spreadsheets

However, there was one recipe I thought I could excel at! Wonton wrapper cranes! Basically, you get wonton wrappers, which are already little squares, and then fold them using the power of origami! Then you fry that sucker and it becomes a chip shaped like a crane!!!! Well, that’s the theory. They’re really hard to fold without breaking.

My ridiculous attempt, with a paper one for comparison. See if you can spot the difference

My ridiculous attempt, with a paper one for comparison. See if you can spot the difference

Steven was way better at it than me, probably because he has more patience:

Also, he refused to put a shirt on for this process, even though I TOLD him I was taking pictures for the Internet

Also, he refused to put a shirt on for this process, even though I TOLD him I was taking pictures for the Internet

So you get bonus footage of Steven’s man-nipple. Enjoy!

Eventually, I gave up on cranes and turned to the only kind of origami I can reliably fold: fortune tellers!

What will your wonton fortune be????

What will your wonton fortune be????

Oops, you're going to die

Oops, you’re going to die

The frying process was also fraught with peril, because the origami shape would unfold in the oil if you didn’t kind of hold it awkwardly in place with some tongs.

It took a few sad tries to perfect this process

It took a few sad tries to perfect this process

Here are the after shots:

Fortune teller: not really recognizable

Fortune teller: not really recognizable

Cranes?? Or blobs?

Cranes?? Or blobs?

Hard to believe that that was the easiest thing in the book I could find!

Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook by Terry Pratchett

This one is kind of a joke, supposedly written by one of the characters from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books. It has some good illustrations, life advice, and also some legit recipes.

I REALLY wanted to make Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler's Sausages Inna Bun, but I don't like sausages

I REALLY wanted to make Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler’s Sausages Inna Bun, but I don’t like sausages

So I had to go for the next-most famous: Banana Soup Surprise. Nanny Ogg has this to say about the soup:

People say: ‘What’s so surprisin’ about bananana soup?’ And I say, it’s got banananas in it. Of course, if you’ve ever read my book The Joye of Snacks you’ll spot that some of my special ingredients have been left out. People complained they made the soup a bit too surprisin’.

The recipe involves cooking mashed banana (or bananana) with vegetable stock, sherry, and some spices. What really stands out, though, is the presentation:

Laaaaaadies

Laaaaaadies

Unfortunately, the soup didn’t taste that great. Maybe if we had a higher quality sherry or I had used the food processor to puree the bananas. As it was, it mostly tasted like banana chunks floating in sherry. Ew.

Still, can't beat the presentation

Still, can’t beat the presentation

Cake Pops by Bakerella

Look at this

Look at this

This one was the last cookbook, and I’m not ashamed to admit, I was putting it off for a reason. Look at that cover! These cake pops are way too advanced for me. And I found that I just didn’t care enough to gain the necessary expertise even to fail at making them for you. My cooking strategy is very results-based to maximize deliciousness and minimize effort. I’m not adverse to work when it pays off, re: my homemade pie crust or bread, but if you’re spending hours on something that’s just cosmetic? Yeah, I’m good. Plus, unlike the last time I sucked at art for this project, I would have needed to buy a lot of stuff I would then proceed to never use again ever, so I just said screw it and made the “basic cake ball” recipe. You remember how to make cakeballs, right? That was probably the last time I made cakeballs, actually, two whole years ago! Also in the corner of one of those pictures is my old purple netbook.

I miss you purple netbook! So stylish

I miss you purple netbook! So stylish

Anyway, this time I let Steven choose the flavors, and he went with lemon cake, cream cheese icing, and milk chocolate coating on the outside:

Deformed as always, but delicious! Just the way I like it

Deformed as always, but delicious! Just the way I like it

That’s two of my 2013 goals down!

My blog is probably cooler than you think

Did you know my blog has a “random post” button? I made Steven install it for me months ago because sometimes I like to get nostalgic.

You can access in Night View by clicking the yellow star above the “P” in “Plaid.” Day view, click the only cloud above the word “Plaid.”

Also, if you want to switch styles, click the furthest yellow star to the right, or the baby cloud near the top of the “d” in “Pladd.”

I wonder what the odds are of not getting a post about Sam Neill.

Halloween 2013!!!!

Sorry it’s taken me so long to post about Halloween! As you probably already know, it’s my favorite holiday! I love planning and making a costume, dressing up, and running around like a crazy person after dark. Candy’s nice too. Unfortunately after becoming an adult, Halloween has lost some of its appeal. An adult running around like a crazy person in a costume after dark is generally considered creepy for whatever reason, so I’ve had to restrict myself to halloween parties and greeting our nonexistent trick-or-treaters. Here is what I wore this year!

Princess Bubblegum in science mode!!

Princess Bubblegum in science mode!!

If you don’t know who Princess Bubblegum is, you should probably be watching more Adventure Time. Princess Bubblegum is ruler of the Candy Kingdom, and also an accomplished scientist. Possibly mad scientist. Sometimes she creates zombie hordes by accident:

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Who else am I supposed to be with pink hair? Plus, I already owned a lab coat (remember how I’m a master of science? It’s weird that I keep having to remind you). All I needed to do was make the crown, get some safety goggles, carry around a clipboard with SCIENCE written on it, and make a name badge for myself. Here’s a close up:

Handy when people inevitably didn't know who I was

Handy when people inevitably didn’t know who I was

Not that I didn’t have other options. Target had a particularly good hat selection this year:

OMG YES MY FAVORITE GODDESS GIRL

OMG YES MY FAVORITE GODDESS GIRL

RUFIOOOOOOOO!

RUFIOOOOOOOO!

Steven went to work in his costume, so opted for something it wouldn’t be uncomfortable to wear all day over something totally awesome:

He is handy with the white duct tape and scissors, though

He is handy with the white duct tape and scissors, though

I already can’t wait for next year!!!

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