Sailor Moon attacks are ridiculous. You just shout a bunch of random English words, and your enemies explode in a fit of hearts/sparkles/butterflies. I love it. But which Sailor attack is the best? Here’s your answer:
33. Star Gentle Uterus
This is the worst Sailor Senshi attack and the inspiration for this list. It belongs to Sailor Star Maker, and I don’t care what it does, the word “uterus” (and also “gentle”) shouldn’t be in your attack name.
32. Twinkle Yell
This is a Sailor Chibi-Moon move, where she rings a magical bell to summon Pegasus to give Sailor Moon the power to defeat the enemy. So it’s not even really an attack so much as a fancy, less-useful cellphone.
31. Pink Sugar Heart Attack
Sailor Chibi-Moon’s other “attack” just kind of annoys the enemy briefly.
30. Venus Love and Beauty Shock
This Sailor Venus move involves her blowing a kiss and then throwing hearts at the enemy. Pretty much a hyped up version of Pink Sugar Heart Attack.
29. Moon Tiara Stardust
This Sailor Moon move can heal a lot of zombies at once, so it’s not so much an attack. Also, it’s only ever used once.
28. Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss
These things are not threatening, Sailor Moon. I’m sorry. A “power kiss” sounds like the weirdest work out move ever, and this attack involves so much more weird posing than the others, if that’s even possible. Also the sound effects for this one are the weirdest.
27. Jupiter Oak Evolution
Sailor Jupiter twirls around and throws leaves at you! Run in fear, Sailor Galactica!
26. Bubble Spray
This move fills the nearby area with bubbles to confuse the enemy. It’s good at that! But…
25. Moon Princess Halation
What the fuck is a halation
24. Silence Wall
Sailor Saturn uses this once to block stuff. So more of a block than an attack.
23. Venus Love-Me Chain
Okay, so it’s a whip made out of hearts. Called the “love-me” chain. Thematic attacks are hard when your theme is love.
22. Crescent Beam
Another Sailor Venus kill-you-with-the-power-of-love attack, but at least this one doesn’t have a silly name.
21. Time Stop
Sailor Pluto’s Time Stop has a suspiciously banal name for a Sailor Senshi move. It does what it says on the box: stop time. Unfortunately, you’re totally not allowed to stop time, so it kills Sailor Pluto when she uses it. Except… when she comes back with no explanation next season. Make up your GD mind, Time Stop
20. Silence Glaive Surprise
Sailor Saturn’s Silence Glaive Surprise will take care of your problem, by destroying the universe. A pretty powerful attack! But one that you can’t really use well. Surprise!
19. Moon Healing Escalation
This Sailor Moon move isn’t so much an attack as just the power to magically turn bad guys into good guys. It does get the job done.
18. Star Sensitive Inferno
At least this Sailor Star Light attack doesn’t have the word “uterus” in it. But it does have “sensitive”?
17. Sparkling Wide Pressure
Sparkling Wide Pressure LOOKS badass, so it would be higher, except I can’t get over the name. NONE OF THESE WORDS MAKE SENSE, Sailor Jupiter. You sound like an idiot.
16.Moon Tiara Action
Sailor Moon’s original attack was so great, guys. She killed bad guys with a deadly tiara frisbee. Not that powerful, but points for creativity.
15. Mercury Aqua Rhapsody
Sailor Mercury will play a harp at you till you… are annoyed and stop? The animation looks cool, though.
14. Rainbow Moon Heart Ache
Sailor Moon flips around a lot for this one, which of course I like. Plus, giving you a heartache is a sneaky way to defeat villains.
13. Shine Aqua Illusion
This is my fave Sailor Mercury attack simply for the animation.
12. Star Serious Laser
On the one hand, this is a laser, so that’s pretty good. On the other, it’s a “serious” laser, which immediately makes me question how serious it really is. If you want everyone to know that your laser is serious, it makes me think maybe it’s not at all. Is it a laser pointer, Sailor Star Fighter? Be honest.
11. World Shaking
Sailor Uranus’ earthquake powers are pretty impressive, but also are kind of hard to aim. Like a real earthquake.
10. Deep Submerge
Sailor Neptune’s tsunami powers are similar to Sailor Uranus’ above, but I ranked them higher because I like the animation better.
9. Fire Soul
Shooting fire out of your finger at your enemy is a pretty straightforwardly badass power. And I have no problems with the name! You go, Sailor Mars.
8. Supreme Thunder
Lightning powers! Another awesome power and another awesome name! It kiiind of sounds like a Taco Bell combo special, but Sailor Jupiter is my fave, so I’ll let it slide.
7. Moon Spiral Heart Attack
Sailor Moon isn’t fucking around with this one: she will straight up give you a heart attack.
6. Burning Mandala
This is basically Fire Soul but with more punch.
5. Mars Flame Sniper
Sailor Mars will shoot an arrow made out of flame at your from a bow also made out of flame. I don’t need to tell you why that’s cool.
4. Space Sword Blaster
It has all the deadly accuracy of a sword thrust, but can also be used as a ranged weapon. Plus, it’s a SPACE SWORD.
3. Dead Scream
Sailor Pluto’s Dead Scream attack is terrifying. The way she whisper-yells it with this look on her face like she’s seen civilizations rise and fall and could not give a shit if another human dies at her hands or not. Plus the name. Dead Scream.
2. Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss
Every single word of this one is ridiculous. Which makes it somehow all the more threatening. I know where I stand with snipers and swords and whatnot, but a starlight honeymoon? Therapy? A kiss? This is some psychological warfare, Sailor Moon.
1. Moon Gorgeous Meditation
First of all, I love the idea of a gorgeous meditation being used to attack. They will never suspect! Secondly, I love the animation and music this one gets. Third, after she fires it off we get like FIVE doily-themed filler screens in a row, which is how you know this shit is powerful. Check it:
Rainbow doilies strobing is how you know you are fucked at the end of a Sailor Moon battle.