So I meant to do a lot of blog-worthy things yesterday, but instead I used my spare time to read a book for class, the romance novel Nerds Like It Hot by Vicki Lewis Thompson.
I guess I’m glad I got that out of the way, but I still wished I had done… practically anything else.
From this book I learned that:
1) “Nerd” is almost its own ethnicity with traditional dress and customs
2) The Mafia is almost as incompetent as the people it tries to chase
3) In fact, being in it is a lot like playing the game Mafia (which I have always hated for being deceptively boring)
4) If he REALLY loved you, he’d be writing you sweet poems while you are in the bathroom
Here are my play-by-play notes:
Chapter One
Gillian, a makeup artist overhears Neil, some actor, threatening the star of the movie! Neil mentions he has mob connections and then bludgeons him to death with a shoe. Gillian and her 82-year-old friend Cora decide the ONLY thing to do is to 1) give her a makeover to look like Marilyn Monroe, 2) hop on a nerd themed cruise, 3) jump off in Mexico, and start a new life in South America. It’s the MAFIA, you guys, they have no other choice.
Chapter Two
Neil has a crossdressing alter ego known as Nancy, and if Marilyn Monroe were alive today she would be a size 10. Thanks, book, I now feel better about my unfashionably wide childbearing hips.
Chapter Three
Cora hires two private detectives, Lex and Dante, to come with them on the cruise and protect them. Dante is the comic relief and Lex is the guy we are supposed to find attractive. It’s easy to tell because he rambles pretty much constantly about how hot Gillian is in his inner monologue. “Women these days were too skinny and underendowed for his taste. Not this woman” (37). It’s only chapter three and my eyes are already sore from all the rolling they’ve been doing.
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