Posts Tagged ‘science’

The Internet Wants You to Run A Marathon: 30 Things To Do By 30 Lists

Introduction
I’ll be turning 30 in 40 days. It’s troubling for a number of reasons (will I need to stop singing the Sailor Moon theme under my breath at all times?). One of them is that I have yet to run a marathon, apparently. There are so many “[Enter some #, usually 30 unless the author is lazy and decides on just 9] Things To Do Before You’re 30” lists on the Internet, but they’re all different. How to arrive at the true things necessary to accomplish before your third decade? Science, bitches. We’re going to do this academic paper style.

Literature Review
Turning 30 is scary because it’s the first time a birthday seems laced with humanity’s fear of aging and death (Existential Dread, 2am). Sure, EVERY birthday marks the passage of time till it’ll be your turn to forget where you left your teeth and die in some sad, undignified way, probably while pooping. But when you’re in your 20s, it’s easy not to think about. You have so much time to get serious about boring adult stuff like careers and buying clothes that aren’t plaid (do they make those?). But once you turn 30, it is freak out time (Kim, 2012; Amorosi, 2015; White; 2016; Odell, 2016).

Those citations are actually just the first results in Google I got when I typed in “turning 30”, and they are ALL TRYING TO CONSOLE ME and give me lists of reasons why being 30 is great. Totally wouldn’t be necessary if we were all happy about it. And with that sense of our own impending doom comes a sense of urgency. I can’t be wasting my time reading the Wikipedia entry on high fives–I NEED TO MAKE MY MARK ON THE WORLD or start a family or have a job that pays money or whatever. Because how much time do you really have left? Are you ALREADY BEHIND? As my research will prove, yes you are.

Methodology
I read 24 lists of “____ Things To Do Before You’re 30” (see Appendix A) and recorded each item presented. The lists were the first 24 results in a Google search for the term “things to do do before 30” and are therefore the best. I then went back and combined items that were clearly similar (for instance “Learn Spanish” can clearly be included in “Learn a Foreign Language”). I assigned each item a category (Self-improvement, life skills, adventure, charity, creativity, social, and career). These categories were pretty evident from the data and I didn’t think too hard about them.

Limitations
There are so many limitations it’s going to be easier to just list what isn’t: I have a master’s degree and have written papers like this approximately 65 times before in various academic and work-related settings. They were all much more serious than this, even the one about Dora the Explorer picture books. Still, some of that professionalism is bound to rub off. Also I’ve been published in an online Korean library science journal THREE TIMES, motherlicker.

Also I’ve kind of forgotten how to do the math for if a finding is statistically significant, and I uninstalled my stat pack 2 laptops ago. So we’re going to say the p value of this whole thing is officially “whatever”.

Results

Let’s get down to it. I collected 295 separate items from the lists surveyed. Here’s a breakdown by category:

categories2

Adventure is most often cited, followed by Self-improvement. Least popular was Creativity followed by a tie between Charity and Career. I really thought Career would be higher, honestly.

The single item cited most often on these lists is to Learn a Foreign Language, listed in 58% of articles, followed by Read (50%), Saving money (42%), and then Run a Marathon (or half-marathon or 5K), Volunteer, Road Trip, and Travel Alone, all at 38%. The top 40ish list looks like this:

1. Learn a Foreign Language: 58%
2. Read: 50%*
3. Start saving: 42%
4-7. Run a marathon 38%
4-7. Volunteer: 38%
4-7. Road trip: 38%
4-7. Travel alone: 38%
8-9. Bungee jump or sky diving: 33%
8-9. Live healthier: 33%
10-15. Go to concerts/your favorite band: 25%
10-15. Find your dream job: 25%
10-15. Learn to cook: 25%
10-15. Learn to bartend/make your favorite cocktail: 25%
10-15. Unplug for a day/week/month: 25%
10-15. Develop a workout routine: 25%
16-23. Move somewhere new: 21%
16-23. Attend a music festival: 21%
16-23. Go skinny dipping: 21%
16-23. Drive or test drive your dream car: 21%
16-23. Find a charitable cause to get behind: 21%
16-23. Learn about your family history: 21%
16-23. Take a class of some kind for fun/work/continuing ed: 21%
16-23. Learn to play a musical instrument: 21%
24-44. Attend a major sporting event (eg. Super Bowl): 17%
24-44. “Do something that scares you”: 17%
24-44. Eat something adventurous: 17%
24-44. Get lost: 17%
24-44. Ride a motorcycle: 17%
24-44. Sing in public/karaoke: 17%
24-44. Stay up all night partying: 17%
24-44. Go camping: 17%
24-44. Climb a mountain: 17%
24-44. Get a tattoo: 17%
24-44. Splurge on something nice that will last: 17%
24-44. Adopt a pet: 17%
24-44. “Create something”: 17%
24-44. Fail at something: 17%
24-44. Take lots of pictures/get better at taking pictures: 17%
24-44. Stop criticizing your body: 17%
24-44. Improve your wine knowledge: 17%
24-44. Throw a dinner party: 17%
24-44. Date around: 17%
24-44. Travel somewhere “exotic”: 17%
24-44. Live abroad: 17%

*See Appendix B for details

Also, here’s a chart of the weirder things listed, all of them only once:

weirdest

Analysis
The vast majority of items on the list fell into 3 categories: 1) things that are harder or more annoying to do the older you get (eg start saving for retirement, learn a new language, start a career), 2) things that older people “can’t” do because they are so fun and whimsical and old people are tied down by serious responsibilities and work expectations (eg. dye your hair a fun color, go on a spontaneous trip, “fall in love with the wrong person” (what?)), and 3) something the list writer really wanted to do and doesn’t care if it doesn’t apply to your life (eg. scrapbook, see R Kelly in concert, wear a bathing suit (?you haven’t?)). Never mind that a lot of these goals are almost impossible to accomplish by a normal 20something. Visit all 7 continents and all 50 states? Are you insane? How much spare money/vacation days do you think I have lying around?

In general, I was pretty surprised that career or money related things weren’t more in evidence. Sure, that part of your life isn’t as exciting to write about, but it’s a major deal, more so than if I’ve eaten tres leches cake in South America. And realistically I won’t be able to do ANY of these things without also having a viable source of income (sometimes an insane amount–do you know how much those Antarctic cruises cost?). Also, I don’t understand why running a marathon is so high on this list. Are people that into marathons? Do they avoid talking with me about it because they know I hate running so, so much? That’s probably it, actually, please continue to not share this part of your life with me.

Also, if you’re curious, I’ve done 70% of the things on the “Top 40ish list” and 58% of the total. I guess I have 40 days to run a marathon.

Conclusion
I miss my science job.

Bibliography
Amorosi, A. (2015, September 12). 9 things I’d tell anyone who is terrified of turning 30. Retrieved from: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21538/9-things-id-tell-anyone-who-is-terrified-of-turning-30.html

Kim, J. (2012, August 12). If you’re turning 30 and freaking out. Psychology Today Online. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201208/if-youre-turning-30-and-freaking-out-0

Odell, A. (2016, July 12). 10 things all women who have endured turning 30 want you to know. Retrieved from: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/advice/a61252/turning-30-life-advice/

White, H. (2016, February 6). 18 reasons you should look forward to turning 30. Retrieved from: https://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Things-Look-Forward-Your-30s-35196883

Appendix A: Lists consulted

LOL sucker, there’s no way I’m typing all that up.

Appendix B: But WHAT Should I Read?

I’m glad you asked! I also looked at lists of “[Some number] Books You Should Read Before You Turn 30”. But I’d gotten kind of lazy and didn’t keep track of all the lists I consulted. I do know I found 404 separate books, which is nuts. Here are the top 30:

1. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Why have I never heard of this book??? Clearly I’m going to be reading it in the next 40 days if everyone thinks I should.

2. The Little Prince by Antoine Saint-Exupery
I’m as surprised as you are. Luckily I’ve read this in both French and English so there’s no need to revisit this twee existential crap.

3. 1984 by George Orwell
4. The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
5. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
6. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
This is another one I’m adding to my TBR since it’s not “a classic” but has such a consensus.

7. White Teeth by Zadie Smith
8. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
9. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
10. The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald
11. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
12. Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
13. Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
14. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
15. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
16. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
17. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen
18. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
19. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
20. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
21. The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays by Albert Camus
22. The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell
23. The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
24. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel
25. The Beggar Maid by Alice Munro
26. First They Killed My Father by Loung Ung
27. The Black Swan by Nassim Taleb
28. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
29. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie
30. The Complete Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

Most of these seem to be the usual round up of classics and perennially popular titles that are maybe going to become classics if they haven’t already. Not really sure why it’s necessary to read them before turning 30, but there you have it.

Be A Man!: The Exact Specifications of Manhood According to Disney’s Mulan

So I know I spend a lot of time talking about ladies, because ladies are awesome. But our gentleman friends are awesome too, so today we’re going to talk about men. Specifically, what does it take to BE a man? I think we all know the answer that.

It rhymes and has a catchy tune; it must be true. So according to the wisdom of the Ancient Chinese Disney the main criteria for manhood are:

  1. Swift as a coursing river
  2. Forceful as a great typhoon
  3. Strong like the raging fire
  4. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

The song also implies that men are “tranquil as a forest but on fire within” and can do things like break concrete blocks with their faces and run through fields while flaming arrows are shot at them, but those things seem to be ancillary to the main four which, after all, are repeated three times. But how do you go about becoming mysterious as the dark side of the moon? How mysterious is that, anyway? Don’t worry, would-be men! Science and I are here to help you! Using my fancy master’s degree skillz I think I can make this a little clearer. Let’s take these manquirements one at a time.

And, if there's time at the end, jump kicks

And, if there’s time at the end, jump kicks

1. How swift is a coursing river?

Usually we measure the velocity of a river, or the speed at which the water flows, by sticking something in and measuring the time it takes for the object to travel from one point to another. Obviously this can vary a lot based on factors like the weather and time of year or the point in the river you’re measuring. How steep is the gradient? Is it a waterfall? Is it spring so the river is filled with snow melt? Is it a windy day? Rivers have different speeds each day, at each point on their course, so river velocity in general is a difficult number to come by. Estimates for rivers in general range from almost 0 m/s to 3.1 m/s or 7 miles per hour.

However, when you’re looking for the fastest river, there’s a lot of talk on the Internet about Passaic River, specifically at the Great Falls in Paterson, New Jersey.

Which, under the right circumstances, can look like this

Which, under the right circumstances, can look like this

This was in April of 2007 when heavy rains combined with the usual spring thaw floods. During floods, its estimated that water flows down these narrow falls at 70mph! But do waterfalls count? It’s “a coursing river” not a “raging waterfall,” so I’m giving this instance a pass. We’re going with more general numbers, not ones that might appear sometimes under the right circumstances. We just want to be a man, not Teddy Roosevelt. I don’t need to bite a rampaging moose to death or something. Just your general, everyday manliness. So I’m going to use 10mph. That river seems pretty coursing, but not overkill.

Criteria one: A man can run at a speed of 10mph

The fastest human ever is Usiah Bolt who reached 27.79 mph during a 100 meter sprint. So this is totally possible. Especially since it’s not clear how long you have to keep it up for to be a man.

2. How forceful is a great typhoon?

You remember force from physics, right? It’s some influence that changes an object’s velocity or direction, like a push or a pull. And then… fulcrums and pulleys and junk. It’s all coming back. Usually we measure force in Newtons, because if you ground break enough theories, people will name units and snack cookies after you. J/K Fig Newtons are named after a town in Massachusetts. Anyway, I scoured the wikipedia page on typhoons, but could find no such statistic. So we’re going to have to math.

Unfortunately, it's too early to drink while doing it

Unfortunately, it’s too early to drink while doing it

Normally, you calculate force by multiplying mass times acceleration (F=ma, Newton’s 2nd Law, WHAT UP INFO I RELEARNED TO TUTOR 8TH GRADE SCIENCE! Look at me using you in real life! Well, sort of). Okay, so what’s the mass of a typhoon? Unfortunately, wikipedia is silent on this issue as well.

So I decided to turn to units of pressure. It’s like force but applied over an area. It’s measured in Pascals, which are Newtons per square meter. When measuring “storm intensity” wikipedia lists typhoons by pressure as measured in hectopascals (hPa). 1 hPa=100 Pa. Tip, the most intense storm on the list, goes down to 870 hPa. Standard atmospheric pressure on Earth is about 1013 hPa so that’s pretty dramatic. But, like I said before, we just want the criteria for a man, so I just averaged the barometric pressures for a randomly chosen busy typhoon season (2004) and came up with 941 hPa.

Criteria two: A man has a minimum barometric pressure of 941 hPa.

According to wikianswers (remember, I have a master’s in science, you guys), an average person (weighing 80 kg) can exert 800 Newtons of force. If you spread that out over 85 meters squared, you too could have the pressure of a typhoon!!

I mean, I think. My degree is in science, not math

I mean, I think. My degree is in science, not math

3. How strong is a raging fire?

If you thought the barometric pressure one was a stretch, saddle up! There are a lot of different kinds of strength, including the kind you give yourself in role playing games. I thought I would try to concentrate on the sciencey, physics ones, but not a lot of them seemed applicable to fire:

I don't know if you can shear fire, but that would be metal as hell

I don’t know if you can shear fire, but that would be metal as hell

I’m just going to assume that “raging fire” means “wildfire,” and there are a lot of ways to measure those. They can travel at 6.7 mph in forests or 14 mph in grasslands. They can burn as hot as 1000 degrees Fahrenheit and cover hundreds of thousands of acres. I decided that this acre-ravaging was the closest to what we think of as “strength,” so I ran with it (at 10 mph–BE A MAN). Using 50 years of rough Colorado wildfires data as a test case, I figured that fire destroys about 32,000 acres per year. That’s 50 square miles.

Criteria three: A man destroys 50 square miles a year.

If destroying them counts as exerting pressure, you’re more than halfway to achieving Criteria Two if you complete this one!

4. How mysterious is the dark side of the moon?

Okay, there are no SI units of mystery (sadly). So I’ve made my own scale.

Don't worry, I'm a scientist

Don’t worry, I’m a scientist

I just went on ahead and assumed that “dark side of the moon” actually referred to the far side of the moon, the hemisphere that never faces Earth, and not the Pink Floyd album of the same name. Although frankly the latter is probably more mysterious, because the far side of the moon is pretty explored for something in space we didn’t have a clue about before 1959. That was when a Soviet probe took some photos of some of it. Now, of course, we have things like the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, whose whole job is to map the moon for future missions there.

Feast your eyes on the mystery!

Feast your eyes on the mystery!

I guess it’s still kind of mysterious, in that only NASA crew from Apollo missions 8 and 10-17 have ever seen it with their human eyes. But I trust our space robot slaves completely, so I’m adding the dark side of the moon only slightly ahead of Slylock Fox on the mystery scale:

Points for staying mysterious till 1959, bro. Slylock Fox is usually solvable within a few minutes.

Points for staying mysterious till 1959, bro. Slylock Fox is usually solvable within a few minutes.

Criteria four: A man stays mysterious at first, but eventually lets Soviets make a map of his face.

So there you have it. Hopefully this will help you in your attempts to attain optimal manhood. I don’t know how we survived as a culture for so long without this kind of checklist.

  1. Attain a foot speed of 10 mph.
  2. Maintain a minimum barometric pressure of 941 hPa for at least 10 minutes.
  3. Destroy 50 square miles a year.
  4. Keep your face modestly concealed until someone makes a real effort (by buying you a space probe? Or whipping out a fancy camera?)

Let me know how that works out for you. I think I’m good with being a lady for now.

Three Things I Learned Yesterday from Children’s Books

I’m currently doing science about access features in children’s non-fiction, which has me looking through about 200 books this week from every section of the Dewey Decimal System. This includes all the sections in which I’d normally not venture, and I’m pleased to say I’ve learned some things.

1. The Hays Code

This code of motion picture standards began in the 30s and was in effect in some form until 1968. I learned about it in a book about the fashion of the 1930s:

Which I wouldn't normally check out but was actually full of awesome pictures

Which I wouldn’t normally check out but was actually full of awesome pictures

In a pop-out box about the burgeoning film industry, the book described the Hays Code as:

…prohibiting “scenes of passion”, unpunished acts of adultery or seduction, profane and vulgar language like the words guts and nuts, nudity, cruelty to animals and children or showing any representations of childbirth, the Hays Code also outlawed depictions of certain types of crime. Gangster films could no longer show machine guns or even allow the screen gangsters to talk about weapons. The code also insisted that law enforcement agents never be shown dying at the hands of criminals and that all criminal activities shown were duly punished.

So Golden Age Hollywood did not love a cheeky villain.

2. The Pony Express only lasted for 19 months

This sad dose of reality brought to me by:

A Dusty, Thankless Job You'd Rather Not Do

A Dusty, Thankless Job You’d Rather Not Do

I actually really love the You Wouldn’t Want To Be… series, with such titles as “You Wouldn’t Want to be a Victorian School Child” and “You Wouldn’t Want to be Mary Queen of Scots”. I love its underlying premise of “Look how much history sucked, children.” Because, man, did it ever. The smell alone would probably kill me, and there are two separate books in this series just about pre-modern medical practices. A younger me probably could have benefited from reading “You Wouldn’t Want to Live in a Medieval Castle” or “You Wouldn’t Want to be a Samurai” because the media had given me the total wrong impression about how awesome things were, totally downplaying all the uncomfortable grossness of a time before sanitation and advil.

Anyway, this one was about the pony express and what was expected of the riders. They tried to downplay the fact that service only lasted for 19 months before telegraphs came in–and was interrupted for various conflicts with Native Americans–but it still crushed my mental image of what this was all about.

3. Someone wrote a children’s book about the housing bubble

It told me everything I needed to know about my immediate past

It told me everything I needed to know about my immediate past

This book is bizarre, and reading it is pretty surreal. My favorite parts were a picture of an aisle inside what is clearly a Whole Foods with the caption “Many Americans bought grocery items in bulk to save on food costs during the recession” and a picture of Bennigan’s explaining how chain restaurants closed in 2008 because more people were eating at home. Newsflash future child readers: Bennigan’s closed because it was Irish-themed terribleness and people still buy groceries in bulk because we are still poor. I guess that’s why it was so weird–it adopted the same tone as the pony express book, like it was explaining the strange and distant past to me, except that it was really just telling me about 2009. My life has not changed noticeably since 2009! I’m still buying groceries in bulk and complaining about the rising cost of fuel, stop using such definitive past tense.

Also, according to the big bold text at the end “The Great Recession officially lasted 18 months” which is even less time than the pony express operated, yet somehow this book is longer.

Back to the library science mines!

BronyCon: Day 2

Day 2 of our trip was the first day of the convention!!! Super exciting!! At first, some of my wariness from the night before lingered:

But luckily it was short-lived:

It was super easy and fun to be a scientist! First, because I am one, no matter what lies Dr. Dodds tells you, and second because I was totally dressed for it:

Daring Do, like Indiana Jones, is probably at least nominally a scientist, right?

So I spent the rest of the trip giving Live Science coverage! Which, like most science, consisted of extrapolating from limited data and guessing at statistics. Science!!!!

Steven also looked super awesome because he found a way to also dye his mustache rainbow colors!

Sorry, ladies, he’s taken

All you have to do is paint it with washable Elmer’s school glue, wait for that to dry, and then paint it with washable kids’ paint! The glue layer gives the paint something to cling to, but since they’re both washable, it came right off at the end of the day with just water. It hardened to a prickly consistency Steven likened to a “rainbow Christmas wreath”, but as long as he was a little careful how he ate lunch, it stayed on great!

Here is a full costume shot:

Yeah, applique butt tattoo!!

Here’s the front of the convention center before they opened the doors:

And another:

The big red truck was pretty cool. The side of it had rotating ads and art, and it played My Little Pony music, both from the show and fan made.

Taken later in the day, when I needed a break from the polite but persistent crowds

I’ve seen every episode of this show at least twice, but I was still way out of my depth. At one point, everyone started singing along to a song I had never even heard before. I guess it was one of the many fan made character theme songs, and somehow everyone but me knew all of the words. It’s okay, as a scientist, I’m used to be an outside observer. Here are some science facts I discovered:

I even think this estimate might be a little too conservative, but when you take into account guys in college, Steven was probably one of the oldest fans there! Weird! A lot of the high school guys had brought their parents, so I always had somewhat baffled sitting companions on the outside steps.

Then, at lunch, I remembered the first rule of science:

I mean, I DO have an MS degree.

SCIENCE!!!

The afternoon went much better after that, especially since the last presentation of the day was from a clinical psychologist about his giant ongoing Brony Study!!! Click the link if you want to take the survey (for bronies and non-bronies alike) and further amazing pony and fandom science!

Give me a chi square value at the beginning of anything and my heart will just melt a little.

Sorry it’s not a better picture; we were sitting about halfway back, by a speaker for maximum listening comprehension

It was an interesting, though perhaps too wordy PowerPoint presentation about brony demographics and motivations as compared with the general population. Both scientists were wearing lab coats, and whenever the audience would clap for something, they’d look vaguely annoyed, like “Stop interrupting me, class, I’m trying to teach you something.” It was definitely my favorite thing we saw. Is that sad? NO THAT IS SCIENCE

Yay!!!!

Next: BronyCon Day 3
Previously: BronyCon Day 1

(Possibly Untrue) Things I’ve Taught the Girl I Tutor

Once a week I spend three hours talking about science and American history with a fifth grade girl who moved here about a year ago from Korea. Her English is awesome, but because she didn’t grow up celebrating the 4th of July or dressing up like historically inaccurate pilgrims her take on US history is often a little bit different. Of course, my own idiosyncrasies are only warping her further.

1. Mangroves are the MOST important part of nature

That's right, more important than ducks

Unless you grew up in Florida or some other, very specific coastal regions, you probably don’t know what a mangrove is, which is shocking because I’m pretty sure they were all we studied in 4th grade. That, and how to write a five paragraph essay. Usually about saving the mangroves. They are the only tree that grows in salt water and their elaborate root systems are a great place for tiny fish to hide from bigger fish and for things to lay eggs. People wanting more beach real estate has threatened their existence in a lot of areas, including the part of Florida where I grew up, which might explain why 4th grade was obsessed with brainwashing us into saving them.

Seriously, I knew everything about mangroves in fourth grade. We read about all the animals that depend on them, we learned how to identify the different kinds and their parts, we took field trips just to look at them. “Mangroves,” fourth grade taught me, “are an ESSENTIAL part of life.”

Then I moved away from Florida, and have remained unaffected by mangroves ever since. But when North Carolina schools started studying ecosystems and biomes, I brought in all these library books to tutoring about mangroves because, thanks to fourth grade, THEY ARE THE ONLY ECOSYSTEM I KNOW.

Yeah, I said it, Temperate Deciduous Forest. What are gonna do about it?

2. Teddy Roosevelt: World’s Greatest Human
Teddy Roosevelt is not only my favorite president (sorry, James K. Polk, it’s true), but also the person from history I would most like to meet. In fact, the only reason I’m doing the librarian thing is because my actual dream, solving time traveling mysteries with TR, proved totally unfeasible.

TR would be like a more badass version of Inspector Gadget, I would be Penny, and Dr. Claw would be played by a bionic Thomas Edison. Brain would be replaced by an actual floating brain.

I think it’s because, unlike all modern politicians ever, he didn’t feel the need to conceal his entire personality behind a cardboard cutout designed to be boring enough to offend no one. Teddy Roosevelt knew what he liked, and it was exploring the wilderness, digging canals, and big game hunting. And if you didn’t like it, tough, because he was going to do it anyway. Also, this one time he got shot during one of his speeches and just kept going. This may be the only fact the girl I tutor will remember about US history, which is fine since it’s THE BEST ONE.
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Graduate Orientation: Dueling Perspectives

Dean of Admissions, Welcoming Speaker: In conclusion, your only limit is your own imagination!
(Actual quote. He probably thought it would be mad insightful when he heard it on Mighty Max reruns, which, incidentally, are all available on youtube. I know what I’m doing this weekend)

Old Science Guy, Keynote Speaker: You’d better be doing something you enjoy, because it’s probably just going to fail anyway.
(Seriously. His speech was a total of six minutes, and also included “Do you think I’m still doing this for the money? I’m a Nobel Laureate. I can do what I want. And that’s science. Look at this science I did today! And I’m 84. I’m done now.”)

Harnessing the Power of Science, with Cookie Crisp!

Since I will soon be going into the field of Library Science I’ve been philosophizing a lot lately on my upcoming status change to SE. Though disowned for this treachery by my academ friends (especially Rob), I will console myself with bad fashion, a nervous laugh I have been practicing for social situations, and above average math skills (which I, unfortunately, already have but attempt manfully to hide). On the plus side of this coming transformation: I can now conduct science experiments!!! And not the lame kind you do in high school that involve watching a beaker slowly fill up with acid or something. The kind with explosions! Live animals! And fabricated results! I bring you my first such science experiment, now with twice the scientific method!

Basically, I wanted to answer the age old question: Will anything actually eat Cookie Crisp?
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