Posts Tagged ‘Rob’

Closed-Toed Shoes

In the midst of putting things away, I discovered half a sheet of paper from sophomore year with the lyrics to a song I wrote called “Closed-Toed Shoes” in response to Katherine McPhee’s “Open Toes”, which, to be fair has incredibly vapid lyrics which Rob wouldn’t stop singing at the time. Here is what I apparently decided to write as a “revenge song”. I don’t remember anything particular about the night in question, or if I also made up a melody, but I can guarantee you that it all went down in the OC Lounge.

Closed-Toed Shoes
By Patricia Holla! Ladd

I’m goin’ out
It’s a Friday night
Gonna shake my sweet
Ass just right

But then–what’s that?
Oh no!
My feet
They really smell

Close-toed Shoes! Close-toed shoes!
Hide the odor and athlete’s foot!
Hide those unsightly deformities
Deformities because my parents are related!
Close-toed shoes!

They say I’m mad hot
I say “Whadyou expect?”
And as long as I keep on my shoes (close toed)
They won’t know any different

Close-toed shoes! Close-toed shoes!
Just keep them on to conceal
The fact that you have 7 toes

I think I should give up finding a job and just wait for the royalties to roll on in. I’ll give Rob a cut, since his annoying taste in music was my inspiration.

Misguided Travel Guides: Seminole, Florida

As previously stated, Seminole, Florida is a suburb which, oddly seems to have no real “urb” to be a “sub of, since the entirety of Pinellas County is really just a conglomerate of similar houses and strip malls, searching for a metropolis. You know, and the beach. But it’s still home and here are the four best things about it, should you ever be trapped here on some kind of low-budget Floridacation.

1. The Water Tower

800px-Seminole_FL_Water_Tower2
So this water tower was originally a really drab blue, but they decided to jazz it up when I was in middle school and hired an artist to paint gigantic native Florida birds on it with some clouds in the background. This made total sense, until someone decided that the water tower’s natural shape would lend itself really well to painting a big orange cage over them all. Obviously this image creates a few troubling philosophical questions: if those are clouds WITHIN the cage, did some even larger person put a cage over THE SKY? How could these birds, even at normal size, even fit in a bird cage? Is this a metaphor for human interference being akin to a harmful cage put over THE ENTIRE NATURAL WORLD? Or, we could go with my immediate reaction the first time I saw it: “OMGOD THAT OCTOPUS IS ATTACKING THOSE BIRDS!”
Apparently the city agrees with my complaints because they wanted to paint over it awhile ago, but people complained, saying it was “good for giving directions”.
Read the rest of this entry »

Transcripts: Thomas Misses Wiess (More than I do?)

Thomas: I miss Rob.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Thomas: And Josh. They should come back. And bring Roque. And JerBear. And all of Wiess.
Me: It seems like that would get kind of crowded.
Thomas: They could sleep in my room on the air mattress.
Me: Okay…
Thomas: Except for Roque and JerBear. They can sleep with me.

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