Nostalgia Bus: Rice Roommate Forms

June 4th, 2010 by pladd

Tagged: , , ,

My brother called me today, asking for advice on filling out his Rice roommate form. This instantly brought back a tide of shame at how lame mine was, and I got it out to make him feel better about his own (I naturally pasted it into my journal after they gave it back to us senior year with “WHY ARE YOU BAD AT FILLING OUT FORMS?” written under it in giant marker block letters.) My only explanation is that I was still looking at it as An Important College Form, having spent a year filling similar things out, and so tried to be as serious as possible. Also, High School Patricia was the most boring person on the face of the earth. Except for that whole published novel thing, I don’t know.

Anyway, in an attempt to make myself feel better, I’ve decided to fill out the Rice Roommate Form again. I’m including High School Patricia’s answers to make the comparison of how awesome I’ve become even more poignant. I’ve skipped the stuff that hasn’t changed, like my birthday and how tall I am.

PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR FAMILY:
High School Patricia: Fairly average with a tinge of eccentricity
Like a sitcom except that it’s impossible to tell who is playing the Straight Man

WHAT ARE YOUR ACADEMIC INTERESTS?
High School Patricia: English literature, history
Library science, speculative zoology, mad science, adventure archeology

WHAT ARE YOUR EXTRACURRICULAR INTERESTS? HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR SPARE TIME?
Reading, writing, library volunteer work, storytelling
Being too cool for school, watching bad movies, making cupcakes that look like dinner

FOR EACH OF THE FOLLOWING ITEMS WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT YOUR FAVORITE IS AND WHY…
BOOK:
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (High School Patricia apparently thought this was self-explanatory)
Running in the Family by Michael Ondaatje–I like a man who can complain about his family in poetry

MOVIE:
Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
Twilight with RiffTrax–”Like, what, and stuff?”

FOOD:
Apple pie (cold)
Steven-made sandwiches or improbably fancy chocolate

HANG OUT
Borders
Carrboro–can’t beat seeing people walking ferrets on the street

HOW ARE YOU SPENDING YOUR SUMMER?
Working in the children’s department of the library
Fighting crime, time travel, wearing a variety of stupid hats

WHAT TYPES OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? (LIST A FEW GROUPS/BANDS…)
Beatles, Great Big Sea, the Rutles
Lady Gaga, Jonathon Coulton, Jeremy Messersmith

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM VACATION
Touring famous sites from English literature and having afternoon tea whenever possible
Hot air balloon paint ball war

WHAT THREE PEOPLE, REAL OR FICTIONAL, WOULD YOU HAVE OVER FOR DINNER AND WHY?
Gordon Ramsay, because someone will have to cook the food, Eleanor of Aquitaine, because I want to know if she invented flossing, and Rhett Butler
Teddy Roosevelt, Silas J. Mariner, and Mark Twain. They know how to party.

IF YOUR HOUSE WERE ON FIRE, WHAT THREE INANIMATE OBJECTS WOULD YOU SAVE?
My laptop, favorite pen, and Sydney (top hat and close personal friend).
Laptop, favorite pen, and Sydney (top hat and close personal friend)
This one also makes me sound lame, but, damn it, that pen cost like $200 and how else am I going to keep up this famous author facade?

WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU SEEK IN A FRIEND?
Loyalty, honest, wit, intelligence
The ability to shoot laser beams with their eyes, sense of humor

IF YOU COULD HAVE A ROMANTIC OR TORRID RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE, REAL OR FICTIONAL, MODERN OR HISTORIC, WITH WHOM WOULD IT BE AND WHY?
Napoleon Bonaparte, because he had a very impressive hat
Marie Curie, to break Michael Curtis’ cold, Danish heart

I think High School Patricia was just confused about how to fill out forms/was morally incapable of lying on an official looking piece of paper, especially for comedic effect. Good thing I got over that one quick.

Posted in Cool Things |

Dreams I Had Last Night

February 9th, 2010 by pladd

Tagged: , , ,

Last Night’s Dream 1
So I was apparently going to UNC’s library science grad school… but at Rice, and living off campus, but eating dinner in the servery. I was sitting at a table with Rob, Rachel, and Bova, who were talking about a Spanish quiz that they had all apparently failed. I looked down at my plate and realized that the salad I had gotten had turned into three slices of chocolate banana cream pie, and went on a rant about how I shouldn’t have to buy a meal plan when I didn’t even go to Rice anymore. Bova agreed that it was stupid that she was required to come here and take Spanish when she lives in Indiana now, and Rob suggested we all just drive to Mexico instead, “for Spanish credit”. I agreed to drive, as long as I could also control the radio.

Interpretation
Clearly the fates want THE 434 back together again, and are telling me to make it so though my dreams. Also, my subconscious wants me to eat more salad.

Last Night’s Dream 2
I was outside Harris Teeter loading large pallets of yogurt into my car (apparently I had just bought their entire supply for some reason) when I got a phone call from Andrew Fox, who said he wanted to wish me a happy birthday. I said my birthday was in four months, and he said he was really busy so he was trying to knock out the easy things on his to do list early. He then apologized for not illustrating the children’s book about ducks I gave him (that part is actually real), and when I sarcastically said, “I KNOW, GOD, slacker,” he yelled at me for calling him at school. Just before he hung up, I heard the old sound the bell at my high school used to make, so I assume he was attending classes at St. Pete High for some reason. Then I realized while I had been talking to him, someone had stolen all of my yogurt.

Interpretation
The yogurt represents my childhood dreams, and my vain attempts to shelter them from the onslaughts of the real world. Clearly my subconscious is trying to tell me that Andrew Fox will play an unwitting part in their destruction. TOO BAD, Andrew. I am going to FIND Pangaea and its chocolate milk rivers, and you and your confusing phone calls will never stop me!

Yeah, I was pretty sure I could find Pangaea Indiana Jones style, and that it would have chocolate milk rivers. But if that doesn’t pan out, I think I could become a dream interpreter pretty easily.

Posted in Uncategorized |

Goodbye Rice email address

November 20th, 2009 by pladd

Tagged: , , , , ,

Supposedly today is the day Rice finally deletes my old email address, although I have gotten three things from the TFW list serv today so this may be a lie. Still, in preparation for the impending severing of my last link with Rice University (besides my ongoing frenemy relationship with World’s Most Powerful Cyborg, William Marsh Rice [more on that later]), I went through and saved any old emails I thought would be pertinent to archive for posterity. Because I’m just that much of a librarian. Here are the best bits from the last year (I got bored after July 2008). I arranged them in such a way that, I think, they tell a kind of story about my time at Rice:

July 2008
“If I can’t fuel my car with them, what am I supposed to do with all these cans of creamed corn?”

September 2008
Dear James Fox,
The narrative force behind my dream last night was rescuing you from the Amish. I’m not sure why they wanted you in the first place, but it would explain your fear of modern things like shaving and haircuts. If you are actually being held hostage by the Amish, I will of course rush to your aid. Although I suppose I would hear about it by carrier pigeon or through the Amish Underground Railroad, not email. It will be just like my dream except Rob will not be there complaining the whole time and I may actually do something useful instead of running away from haunted trees. Apparently Amish country is full of them. In conclusion, sorry I didn’t rescue you from the Amish. I promise to try harder next time/in real life.
Patricia”

October 2008
“Rachel says you are only allowed to cheat on your boyfriend if you are in another country (where it doesn’t count), with a foreign exchange student (like being in another country), or with someone who has the same name as your boyfriend (comes with the good excuse: “Well… he said his name was Steven… I thought it was you”. Understandable mistake.)”

December 2008
“I am not saving you from zombies. You took the class; you fend for yourself. That’s the deal. Besides I’ll have other stuff to worry about, like looting and making sure I’m the second hottest person in my Zombie Fighting Team (one hot person always dies so that you know it’s serious). Just fyi. It’s good to be ready for any eventuality”
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in archivery, transcripts |

Times I Have Almost Died: Swine Flu

September 12th, 2009 by pladd

Tagged: , ,

I hesitantly include this as a time I’ve almost died since it is definitely less serious than others in this category, like the time I read the fourth Twilight book. I wouldn’t have even bothered going to the doctor at all if campus weren’t plastered with flyers saying “If you have ANY TWO of these symptoms come to health services IMMEDIATELY”. And it’s not like Rice health services, either, where they’re never open and they prescribe allergy medicine for every ailment. It’s a legit hospital. I had to park in a parking garage and walk across a skyway to get there.

While I was there, I got to wear a stylish mask, and everyone kept assuring me that Everything Is Going To Be Okay. Apparently the top half of my face always looks really worried, because in reality I am way less scared of swine flu than I am of Japanese Spider Crabs. They told me I either had a mild case or was “incubating it” and would feel even worse later. They gave me pamphlets. I got to keep the mask.

Doctor: Do you need proof that you were here?
Me: Ummm… what? Like for insurance?
Doctor: You’re a grad student so probably not. Most of the undergrads are afraid their professors will think they’re lying.
Me: No, my professors seem pretty understanding.
Doctor: Well, you’re a grad student; you’re more mature.

LULZ! Joke’s on her! Although judging from the vapid conversations I’m forced to listen to daily on the bus, she’s probably right.

Anyway, after sleeping for fourteen hours, I feel much better! Take that swine flu! Although still coughing like a chain-smoking asthmatic.

Posted in Times I Have Almost Died |

The Animated Adventures of William Marsh Rice

August 14th, 2009 by pladd

Tagged: , , ,

Today, for various reasons out of my control and in disregard of my endlessly voiced opinions to the contrary, I got a class ring. Despite the extravagance and the entirely false appearance of class and/or institutional pride, it does have two pluses on its side:

1. It intimidates my engagement ring, which was becoming too full of itself anyway and
2. It allows me to dramatically throw my hand in the air and summon William Marsh Rice, university founder and World’s Most Powerful Cyborg at will.

This image of William Marsh Rice brought to you by the True History of William Marsh Rice Campaign.

This image of William Marsh Rice brought to you by the True History of William Marsh Rice Campaign and the Woodson Research Center.

I haven’t tried it yet, but youtube research (my favorite kind of research) suggests this is true. Observe:

Legend has it that, instead of shouting the names of elements to a catchy 80s beat, ring bearers must shout the names of each of the nine colleges. Only then will William Marsh Rice appear in the university’s hour of greatest need.

In reality, you’d probably be much better off shouting the brand names of the finest single malt Scotches, and then running away, because when WMR appears and sees that you don’t actually have any, he is going to be pissed off. Although less ideological, this power can still be used as an effective weapon since Rice will inevitably take revenge by smashing anything in a one-mile radius with his own head. Which is why I can’t prove this to you with things like pictures since I’m pretty sure it would void my lease.

THE POWER IS YOURS!!

On a totally unrelated note,
Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in archivery |