Posts Tagged ‘psychic’

Things That Are Going to Annoy Me Today

I’m not psychic (very often) but I can predict right now what things are going to annoy me today.

1. It’s cold outside, but the bus will be a sauna. Everyone will be packed against each other and sweating in their big jackets. It will be disgusting.
2. Slow girls in high heels, short skirts, and tights will walk slowly in front of me, complaining about how cold they are and how far it is to walk across campus.
3. It’s cold outside, but the computer lab where I have my first class will somehow manage to be EVEN COLDER. It’s been this way all semester, the thermostat will argue, why should anything change now? Shortly before I leave for my second class, a light dusting of frost will appear on all the monitors.
4. Since it’s the last day of cataloging, Goth Prof told us to send her topics that we were interested in so that we could look at those in more detail. Just as a guess, I’m betting no one has burning interest in any area of cataloging that they think we just haven’t covered in more detail. Goth Prof will then decide to show us all the different subject headings for cats.
5. Goth Prof actually has a sticker on the back of her laptop that says “Meowist” with a little cat dressed up to look like Mao and a bunch of red stars. I have been staring at it ALL SEMESTER and only realized last Thursday what it was trying to tell me. It will annoy me that I didn’t realize this earlier. I will attempt to take a picture with my cellphone, but that will also fail.
6. Today will probably be the last time I ever see Goth Prof, and I still have not solved the mystery of why she is like 26 and still Goth.
7. I will slip on the stairs as I’m coming home.
8. Having to go to work.
9. Having to drive so far to work.
10. Traffic.
11. My first tutoring group of the day will not stop talking. I will threaten them. They will ignore me. My attempts to bribe them will work marginally better, but not really.
12. My second tutoring group will consist of one good student, one good student who was free basing pixie sticks before coming in (only possible explanation), and one easily distracted student who hates math. Deadly combination.
13. Having to drive so far to get home.
14. I will slip on the stairs (again).
15. My apartment will not have magically filled with ball pit balls.
16. We will be out of sandwich meat.
17. The hot water will cut off about 2/3 of the way through my shower.
18. We will also be out of juice. 🙁

The List: #86 See a Psychic

At the beginning of this semester, THE 434 began compiling a List of Things To Do Before We Graduate which we have taped to our wall. You know, for motivation and to give me a reason to get out of bed on Sundays. Some of them are fairly normal and not worth talking about (#57 See Rice Baseball Game) and some I’m still not sure how we’re going to complete (#1 Meet Beyonce, #87 Steal Colleen Lamos’ Dog, #25 Get a Squirrel In the Room), although Bova has devoted her post-recital semester to the latter. She says she’s touched one when it was hanging out on the Wiess prison bars and looking the other way, but so far that’s the only development on that front.

However, last week we did complete #86: See a Psychic. We wanted to find a cheaper one so we first tried to google psychics in Houston. None of the web addresses listed were active and all of the phone numbers we tried to call had been disconnected. Clearly they knew we were looking and were trying to fly under the radar. So we decided it would be easier to just drive down Montrose and, behold, nestled amongst the tattoo parlors and adult novelty stores, we found a sign for $10 palm readings.

I had to park on a strange side street and we had to clamber through the underbrush to reach the door, so I was already fairly certain we were going to be paying with our souls/turned into mice/eaten as per every fairy tale I have ever read. The truth was less dramatic. We ended up sitting at this woman’s kitchen table while she peered at our hands and told us what diseases we probably wouldn’t have to worry about while her husband talked on the phone in the background about his insulin. Bova and Rob got off easy with three children each; I, however, am apparently doomed to have SIX children, four of them being two sets of twins. I assume all named Bridget, as per the prophecies of Rob. For a palm reader, she wasn’t very good at looking at hands; I was certain she would notice my engagement ring and say something like “You’ve already found your soul mate” as if this were some startling mystic prediction. Instead:

Gypsy Woman: What’s with this man you love who doesn’t know he loves you yet?
Me: Ummm… he asked me to marry him. So I think he knows.
Gypsy Woman: Aha ahhh! (smoker’s laugh) He’s your soul mate. A good person, but lazy. You are clearly in charge.
Me: Clearly.

Apparently I will live to be 91 and Rob will be 84, which means in the future we give up our idea of a murder-suicide pact at 28 to avoid getting old. Which seemed like an okay plan freshmen year, but now, as a senior, seems startlingly close. On the plus side, this will make list item #62: Senior Citizen’s Party! all the more easy to accomplish/ironic. The point is to dress in lumpy sweaters, eat Worther’s butterscotches and play Bingo. Clearly fun on a bun.

PS… I now have a working FAQ! Finally! A place to answer all of the questions you Frequently Ask Me!

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