Over the past weekend I searched tirelessly for clues that might solve the mystery of the Lost Colony of Roanoke. I’m pleased to say that I am once again successful. Honestly, if people would just put me on the case they could saved themselves centuries of doubt.
The first place we looked was Jockey’s Ridge State Park, home to one hang gliding school and one giant sand dune. The signs all said it was easy to get lost there, so I figured the colonists could easily be wandering around in the sand. Read the rest of this entry »
The day I knew that I would love living in Carrboro was the day I saw Weiner Dog Day listed on Weaver Street Market‘s events page. This was back in July, and I have been counting down the days till October 18th, envisioning a carpet of disproportionately long puppies frolicking in front of the co-op. Read the rest of this entry »
This week I’ve been preparing for my triumphant return to H-Town next weekend to see my one-act and collect my royalties, which have been upped from three pies to three pies and one trashy romance novel after I valiantly and selflessly agreed to add ten more lines of dialogue at two a.m. I’m not really sure if it’s humanly possible to eat three pies in two days, but I’m excited to find out. You know, FOR SCIENCE.
Anyway, I made a list of all the things I miss about H-Town that I want to be sure to do while I’m there. Then they were all restaurants and I realized I couldn’t eat lunch twelve times on Friday. So I’ve decided to dig deeper, and think about what non-food things I miss about H-Town.
1. On-Ramps
It's like I'm living in the futuristic dystopia... TODAY!
Steven has always said that, unlike him, I’m a “natural Houston driver”, which I assume means “not a total wuss”. I really miss the needless enormity of the Houston highway system. Sure, it ruins the landscape, but I always feel like I’m entering a giant game of pinball as I speed up the oddly inclined on ramps or am about to rocket into a hover car skyscape a la The Jettsons. Sure, North Carolina roads are less intrusive and more in tune with the natural environment, but they make me feel two-thirds less like a super spy. Read the rest of this entry »
While archiving my old journals, I have come across two stellar premiers that have heretofore gone strangely unnoticed by the artistic and literary communities.
The first: my invention of emo comics in 2006, after a coworker at the library invited me to join the “Spinster Librarian Club”. Here was the comic response I drew in my journal of myself exiting the “Interstate de vie” (“writen in French b/c it’s classier”) onto Rural Route Spinster Librarian on the way to Scenic Alonesville. You can see my two library coworkers already ahead of me on the road: Read the rest of this entry »
This morning I celebrated my mom’s birthday by spending three hours at the DMV to get a North Carolina Driver’s License. This DMVodyssey actually began two days ago, when I realized that we would have to retake the tests before getting a license. I spent the day feverishly reading the handbook and trying to remember the exact distance you should be from the curb when parallel parking. Then yesterday when we started off on this intrepid task, we realized quickly that we had no idea where we were going, having forgotten to look up the address. We decided that we’d definitely seen signs for it around, so got comfortably lost for about an hour, when we finally realized that the signs we’d seen were for “License Plate Agency” not “Driver’s License Agency”. Apparently to increase productivity and frustration, North Carolina splits up their DMV services amongst several smaller offices, all in strip malls of varying sketchiness. At that point, we gave up and bought baked potatoes instead.
Then, this morning, I knew success was at our fingertips! We got there at 9am, with all appropriate paperwork, armed with library books (yeah, library card before driver’s license, that’s how I roll). Unfortunately, fifty-three other people had arrived before it even opened and only two people were working. Since there was no room to wait inside, Steven and I spent the majority of the three hours sitting on the concrete curb outside. Luckily, lots of people gave up! And, finally, our perseverance was rewarded:
Yay!!!! It's like a Biblical fable, really. If you just wait long enough in the smell of cigarettes and desperation, you too can have a piece of plastic with your picture and organ donor status.
Little known fact: Patricia’s Dream Job #37= Fortune Teller. It’s entirely made up of aspects I enjoy: ridiculous costumes/accents, lying to people, and saying absolutely everything as dramatically as possible. I’ve often considered giving up my dreams of librarian glory to lead a fulfilling and nomadic existence following America’s carnivals and RenFests to touch sweaty people’s hands and pretend to see the future in them. Today, however, I had an epiphany. Why choose when I could just combine the two? This plan has the added benefit of basing my new branch of fortune telling off of something I’m already familiar with, which is great because I wasn’t about to memorize anything. And, once again, I prove that a simple knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System will get you anything you want in life. Or, at least, anything you want in the library. Except Twilight, natch. Read the rest of this entry »
This week I had dinner with Laura Campo, Wiess ’08 and Tabletop Producer my freshman year. It was great, but also kind of surreal. Beforehand I was worried that it would be somehow awkward: how do you have a real conversation with someone with whom you’ve only exchanged pleasantries and facebook banter? Apparently, really easily. It made me hope that other random people who have seemingly dropped out of the story of my life will appear unexpectedly in my future. I can’t wait to see what that will be like! But now, thanks to the power of MS Paint, I don’t have to! Huzzah!
Ben Skerritt (my 2nd grade crush) and I Meet at a Concert
I assume he will still look just like this yearbook picture I found
He recognizes me by… my Pippi Longstocking hair. I recognize him by… the way he gives people the finger without really knowing what it means.
All I really remember about Ben Skerritt are some vague sledding memories on Snow Days and, when saying goodbye because I was moving to Florida, he flicked me off and then said “Shhhhh! It means something dirty!” before running into the bushes behind the basketball court. Ah, young love. Naturally, this will make coming up with topics of conversation difficult after the “So… how have the last 15 years of your life been?” Read the rest of this entry »
As far as Florida Vacation Destinations go, Seminole is probably not high on your list (unless the Historic Patricia Tour is a must see). A fairly small patch of suburbia and laid back beach communities, it’s only a ten to twenty minute drive to the water in any direction but north:
Pinellas County: Florida's gimpy right arm, or maybe just some weird growth
But don’t be fooled by the palm trees and Village Inn’s. Death can still stalk me here. Read the rest of this entry »
Just like every other time my brother has forced me to watch something on youtube, the first time I saw this, I was skeptical:
However, the second I saw a giant–nay, MEGA shark attacking a plane while it was FLYING IN THE AIR, I knew this movie would not only be a masterpiece of artistic subtlety, but also an eyeopening account of important global events that the media and Hollywood often ignore. Namely, when prehistoric, giantass sea creatures are unleashed on a totally unprepared modern society. Oh, the Valuable Life Lessons I learned! Read the rest of this entry »
