Posts Tagged ‘married’

Best and Worst Things About Being Married

October 24th, 2013 by pladd

Tuesday will be my 2nd wedding anniversary! My mom asked me if it “seemed like it’s really been two years” and I was like “… I guess?” She was disappointed that I didn’t get all weepy and nostalgic, but I think we’ve talked before about how I don’t see the act of getting married as really changing anything about me or my relationship. But, since she asked, I’ve been thinking about it, and I guess there are a few differences, so I thought I would give you the Top 5 Best and Top 4 Worst things about being married. I guess it’s good that I could only think of 4 negative differences. We’ll start with the good stuff:

Top 5 Best Things About Marriage!!

1. You get a big party!

And maybe a tank

If you’re doing weddings right, they are AWESOME. And you can do literally anything you want because no one’s going to tell you you can’t on your own wedding. You want only take out from Seminole’s finest? YOU GOT IT. You want bobbing for apples even though it’s way unhygienic? SUCK IT UP, GUYS, IT’S HALLOWEEN WEDDING, WE’RE DOING IT. Weddings can be the most fun party you can imagine! Mine definitely was!

2.Fancy Rings

Fist bump of marriedness!

I’m a total cheapskate (hello, my wedding reception was on my parents’ porch), so it’s nearly impossible to convince me to spend money on things like clothes (“$60?? Come on, I could make that out of old sheets for way less”) or jewelry (“Ehhhh I’d probably just lose it”). But wedding rings, like weddings themselves, are something it’s socially acceptable to spend money on, so finally you don’t have to feel guilty about picking out the best one no matter the cost!

3. People take you seriously
I mean, they shouldn’t, but they do. Even if you’ve been with someone for eight years, if you aren’t married, you still have to use the same word as you would at two weeks. Even if you just met at a drive-thru chapel in Vegas, “my husband” adds a whole new level of seriousness to everything you do. It’s stupid, but nice to take advantage of when you can.

4. Paying less money for everything
What up, tax break!! I wanted to put this at #1 (it’s the wedding gift that keeps on giving), but I figured I’d throw my mom a bone, romance-wise. Married people also end up paying less for things like apartment security deposits/application fees or “family” plans at gyms and whatnot. I also think this is dumb, but you better believe I am flashing my Official Married Person Pass (my ring, I guess?) at all that stuff and reaping the rewards.

5. Health Benefits
Holy crap, you guys, starting this week I finally have health care!!! I’m going to hit up ALL THE DOCTORS.

Marriage!!!!

Oh, but it’s not all fun parties and doing laps in swimming pools filled with tax breaks. There’s also:

Top 4 Worst Things About Marriage

1. People use the word “hubby” around you more
The word “hubby” has always been my #1 Most Hated Word. Before getting married, I assumed it was something only a few older people said because they wanted my everlasting enmity. It wasn’t till I got married that I realized the extent of the problem. People say this word all the time, often in questions directed at me. And I always pause a second too long before answering them, because it takes me a moment to swallow the vomit. I’ve never been a big fan of cutesy nicknames because they make me suspicious that you can’t remember my real name, but hubby is the worst. I know avowing this publicly is opening me up to people using it around me even more now, and that’s fine, I’ll just sigh a little and then write you off as terrible.

2. People start asking you about kids
Being married gives any person the right to ask you about your future child plans, and it is not cool. I get that you’ve been socially conditioned to see “babies” as the next mandatory step after “marriage,” but that doesn’t mean I buy into your 1950s fever dream, and even if I did, not your business, Random Woman in the Cookbook Section of the Library. When my future plans for unprotected sex become your business, I’ll have my lady parts send you an email, since it will also be the day my uterus gains sentience. Hopefully never because that sounds like a horror movie.

3. People think you’re a unit
I’m still perfectly capable of going places without Steven and having opinions we don’t share, but you wouldn’t know it from the way some people act!

4. People get your name wrong
I assume it happens if you change your name too.

Those are all the differences I can think of. Other than that, being married is the same as being in any long-term relationship. So pretty great, if you like having someone to watch Adventure Time with and sometimes make you sandwiches.

And someone to make you feel better about how weird you are

Tagged: lists, married, Steven

Posted in lists |

Not Changing My Name, Not Apologizing

September 1st, 2013 by pladd

I didn’t change my name when I got married. I didn’t even think about it. The first time it came up was when we were applying for a marriage licence and the clerk gave me a sheet with information about how to do it. I had a half a second of confusion, which was silly. Of course I know that’s what people do. Somehow I just never thought it could apply to me. It’s always struck me as kind of bizarre, like if someone asked you to tattoo your company’s logo on your arm after getting hired, or change your first name to “Mom” after having a kid. A tradition that forces name changes at different major life events might actually be kind of interesting–but why only for women? And why only at marriage?

I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t really see marriage as a major life event. Yes, my life now is way different than when I was single, but it’s virtually the same as my life two years ago when we were living together and not married. I guess to some people “marriage” symbolizes the big commitment you make to another person, but I made that commitment long before Rachel did the official pronouncing. I can’t tell you when, because that kind of thing doesn’t happen in a moment, it happens over a thousand different ones.

Not that this wasn’t a good one

I kind of get the whole “we all have to have the same name to symbolize that now we are a ~family~” but only because I’ve been socialized to. If you think about it, it doesn’t make any sense at all. You already have family who don’t share a name with you–in-laws, cousins, grandparents, whatever. There are people who aren’t biologically related to me who I consider closer family than most other Ladds in the world. Your family is who you decide they are, and you don’t need a symbol to prove it. Even the expectation that children share one or both of their parents’ name(s) is really only common in certain parts of the world. In other cultures, they don’t worry about it. You know who your parents are, right? So what does it matter?

I’ve never been able to seriously contemplate changing my name–first or last–because it’s part of me. Sure, sometimes I didn’t like being Patricia–which can be easily morphed into “Patrasha” if you’re eight and creative–but I’m not about to change it because it’s who I am. And I kind of resent random city clerks and secretaries in my apartment complex looking at me like I’m just trying to make a statement and being completely tiresome messing up their paperwork. I didn’t decide this because I want to make a big issue about the patriarchy keeping us down or not subsuming my identity to a man (although fuck that too). It was hardly even a decision–I barely considered it at all. Changing my name would be like changing who I am–and if someone wants you to do that, you probably shouldn’t be marrying them.

Steven and I had a total of one conversation about it:

Me: Would you change your last name to mine?
Steven: … eh, probably not.
Me: Cool. I won’t either.

It’s also weird to me that this even requires explanation anymore–Lucy Stone was raising hell about this back in 1855, so 158 years later the library should not just assume that Same Name=Married and Different Name=Library Bandit, trying to steal strangers’ holds.

Also, Lucy Stone was a 19th-century badass. I may have to do another blog post on her

Luckily for me it’s usually little annoyances like that, and not an inability to hold property or register to vote like Lucy Stone had to deal with. The proportion of weird looks has also probably fallen considerably since her time, which is nice. Someday it might be 0, which will be nicer.

Tagged: feminism, lucy stone, married, names, Steven

Posted in Let Me Tell You About My Life |

How to Have the Best Wedding Ever!

November 11th, 2011 by pladd

I got married!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the secret to having the best wedding ever (since I am clears an expert now): Don’t even bother being confined by a wedding checklist developed by an industry designed to trick you into needlessly parting with your money! You should really just think about what you want, what you would want if you had never had the traditional wedding crammed down your throat since you were six, and then just do whatever that is! I’m not against spending money, just against spending it on things you don’t care about. Like anything that isn’t cupcakes. Here are some examples:

The Ceremony
Ceremonies are boring, so my first idea was not having one at all! Skip straight to the party!! That idea made my mom sad, though, and Steven also wanted at least a little ceremony, so we decided to plan the most low key, fun, personal one possible. And we decided to only invite our immediate families, because they’re the ones that care the most anyway, right? Plus, having such a small, small ceremony gave us a lot more freedom when deciding location, timing, and even how the ceremony would go.

The next most important decision was who should marry us? Of course the answer is Rachel Kinney!!!!!!

Exhibit A: Rachel Kinney

She did such a great job! She’s in divinity school right now, so it was not that weird of a request, plus she was the one who set us up on our first date so it was pretty much perfect! We talked about how it should go beforehand; I think my exact instructions to her were “You say something, and then I’ll say something, and then Steven will say something, rings, MARRIED!” And that’s pretty much how it went. It was so awesome to have such a personalized ceremony, which basically just meant telling funny stories about each other! Instead of the usual “lawfully wedded wife” business, we got “Do you Steven take Patricia as your wife, best friend, and perpetual partner in crime?”

Spoiler Alert: he said yes

As you can see, the park we had it at was really pretty (and renting the nearby shelter was only $25 for the day, proving that venue costs don’t have to totally suck), and since the ceremony–even with giving every single person present a chance to say something–was mega short, there was lots of time to play on the equipment!!

Rachel is a spider monkey!!!

Wheeeeee!!!!! Who cares if my dress gets dirty? It was $60!!!

Also, the park has a tank.

A wedding tank

The Dress

As a bride, I know I am supposed to be absolutely obsessed with my clothes/hair/shoes/whatever. But the only thing I am really all about are the shoes:

Because, come on, I basically win at life

Read the rest of this entry »

Tagged: costumes, cupcakes, dancing, married, rachel, Roque, Steven, wedding

Posted in Uncategorized |

The Plaid Pladd