Banned Books 2010: Baby Be-Bop

To kick off my exciting new hobby, I decided to read the book whose entry on the ALA Challenged Book List confused me the most. Here it is in full:

Baby Be-Bop by Francesca Lia Block
Harper Collins
Four Wisconsin men belonging to the Christian Civil Liberties Union (CCLU) sought $30,000 apiece for emotional distress they suffered from the West Bend, Wis. Community Memorial Library (2009) for displaying a copy of the book. The claim states that “specific words used in the book are derogatory and slanderous to all males” and “the words can permeate violence and put one’s life in possible jeopardy, adults and children alike.” The CCLU called for the public burning of this title. Four months later, the library board unanimously voted 9-0 to maintain, “without removing, relocating, labeling, or otherwise restricting access,” this and other books challenged in the young adult section at the West Bend Community Memorial Library.

Here were the two parts that stood out to me the first time I saw this:

$30,000 apiece
public burning

$30,000?? Because the book was on display?? I can hear what you’re thinking. “What ‘specific words’? What can be worth $30,000 just if you happen to glance at it??? This book has got to be straight smut. That deserves to be publicly burned, like a witch or a Beatles record.”

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you my friend. The words

$30,000 apiece

and

public burning

totally got my hopes up. This book did maybe not deserve either of these. Here is the basic plot, although, as a very lyrical novella, the word “plot” is used loosely:

Dirk McDonald knows that he’s gay. He’s known since he was young, when the carefree grandmother who raised him tells him it’s just a phase. He has a crush on his best friend Pup, but their relationship ends when Pup starts to date girls to hide his growing attraction to Dirk. “I love you, Dirk, but I can’t handle it.” Dirk lashes out, hiding his fear at himself and the seemingly cruel world around him by building himself an armor of punk rock persona and losing himself in music and violent dancing. Then one night after he tells some skinheads what he thinks about their swastika tattoos, he gets beaten up. Thus begins the much weirder second part of the book, where, in a weird dream/coma state Dirk’s great grandmother appears and tells him her story, and the story of his grandmother, and of his parents, two beat poets who “let go of life” one night in a car accident. Then at the end of the dream a genie appears and tells him about a man named Duck who, we’re supposed to presume, is his future love interest and reason to cling to life.

Aaaand that plot description was about five times racier than the book actually is. It’s only about 100 pages, and most of that is lyrical description. He doesn’t even say the word “gay” until he admits it to a ghost/hallucination of his father on page 86. There’s no sex, certainly nothing described graphically. Dirk mostly contents himself with yearningly thinking about kissing or just not being alone all the time. The word “faggot” is used a few times, mostly by the skinheads who beat him into unconsciousness. So I can’t really decide what “specific words” are “slanderous to all males”, especially if the people objecting and demanding $30,000 for emotional damage didn’t read the book carefully but only glanced through it since it was on display. Unless ladybugs and butterflies are slanderous to all men, because there WAS an awful lot of bug metaphors. Oh, and symbolic dancing. And beat poetry. So, yeah, public burning totes justified.

Seriously, I can’t even really find any “juicy parts” to quote. Unless you count this passage from the beginning, which is something he imagines while playing with his toy trains:

“He was on a train with the fathers–all naked and cookie-colored and laughing. There under the blasts of warm water spurting from the walls as the train moved slick through the land. All the bunching calf muscles dripping water and biceps full of power comforted Dirk. He tried to see his own father’s face but there was always too much steam.”

Later, he dreams of the same train, but instead of water coming out of the shower heads, it’s deadly, deadly gas. There’s a light sprinkling of anti-Nazism running through the book which seems slightly strange just because it remains unelaborated upon. I liked the language of this book. I was able to read it in about an hour, and it was almost like reading poetry. I was afraid it was going to be an angsty typical teen-problem novel, and, although the themes were similar, it had a very light touch, the exact opposite of the usual heavy-handed teen problem fare.

The worst I can say about it is the cover’s kind of blah:

Banned Books 2010: My New Hobby

To give myself a hobby besides complaining about the irrelevance of grad school, I’ve decided to read every book (well, almost every book) on the ALA’s bibliography of banned and challenged books from May 2009-May 2010. This list, which they’re showcasing for Banned Books Week, is slightly arbitrary, in that it only includes titles written up within the year in Newsletter on Intellectual Freedom, but any banned books list is going to be somewhat arbitrary, as it will only discuss reported instances. I’m going to concentrate on the ones which were challenged in public libraries, since that’s my area of interest, and because I find the morality of most school-challengings somewhat murkier. If someone (usually a parent) wants to restrict all children who may or may not share their own beliefs from access to information, I can listen to their objections, go through the process, and generally fight censorship like the idealistic librarian I am. It’s when students are forced to read certain titles in class that I am slightly more uncomfortable. I personally can’t picture myself ever getting uppity over a required text, but I can understand the motivations of people who do. They just want what they think is best for their kids–as opposed to the public library cases, where they just want what they think is best for everyone’s kids. Natch I also don’t agree with helicopter parents constantly overriding teachers’ authority and judgement, and I’m happy to see that in a lot of instances discussed on this year’s list, everyone was content after alternative titles were made available if students decided to choose them instead.

A few titles on the list were challenged because parents thought that they were too easy for minors to get their hands on them on the library shelves. These include:

Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort
Sex for Busy People: the Art of the Quickie for Lovers on the Go by Emily Dubberly
Lesbian Karma Sutra by Kat Harding
Mastering Multiple Position Sex by Eric Garrison
The Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein

In most of these cases, the library involved decided to implement special library cards for minors which would only allow children to check out restricted titles with parents’ permission rather than remove the books from their catalog. I’m sorry to report that I will not be reading these titles as part of the challenge, partially because my library owns only Joy of Sex for whatever reason, partially because of the massive Check Out Embarrassment Factor (no, librarians are not immune), and also because I am way more interested in the children’s/YA titles on the list. Also, I will not be looking at:

Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, which was “pulled from the Menifee, California Union School District [this year] because a parent complained when a child came across the term ‘oral sex’. Officials said the district is forming a committee to consider a permanent classroom ban of the dictionary.”

Maybe it’s been awhile since these people were kids, because I’m shocked that they can’t remember that looking up dirty words is practically what the dictionary is for until you start studying for the SATs and need to know what adjuration means.

Anyway, I’m sure I will think up other credible excuses why I can’t read things as this project progresses. Each review will include a brief summary, why it was challenged, if I think it really should have been, and a mostly fabricated list of other reasons why I think the book might offend you (including awful cover art). I will try to include quotes of the juicy parts so you don’t even have to read it for yourself to find them!

3 Librarian Skills They Don’t Teach You In Grad School

So there are plenty of skills every librarian needs to know that they don’t teach you in grad school (basically EVERY skill librarians need to know, it seems like so far), but here are three that have come up for me recently:

1. Working and Cleaning Popcorn Machines

Now made with real fake butter!

Now made with real fake butter!

These old-fashioned style popcorn machines are loud, messy, and verging on a health hazard, so naturally all libraries seem to have them. The popcorn is made with a suspiciously neon powder, the smell of which is supposed to “draw the most crowds” according to the packet. For some reason, most of the librarians at my new internship have little to no experience with the popcorn machine, so I stepped up to put my Vast Seminole Library Popcorn Expertise to good use. Frankly, I think most of them are pretending to not know how it works to get out of cleaning it. They will never know the joy of working a further seven hours with your hands covered in greasy metal burns and having everyone you talk to ask what smell is making them so hungry. It’s my new perfume, you guys!

2. Art Skillz
This skill is not just relegated to the land of children’s librarianship. Even reference librarians have to make signs and displays on occasion. However, coloring, cutting, and constructing puppets out of recyclables are all things they do not teach in even the children-focused grad school classes. It’s a pity because these skills are WAY, WAY more useful than taking a week to determine what kind of leader you are by taking personality quizzes and it will inevitably end in puppets that look something like this:
buttonalice
As found on Etsy and Regretsy.

3. How to Deal with Crazy People
For some reason, grad school assumes that (if they mention the actual patrons you’ll supposedly be serving, which is rarely) everyone who comes into the library will be friendly and affable, with a healthy thirst for knowledge and no fixed schedule. I think once my reference professor mentioned that sometimes people get grumpy if they’re in a hurry. No one has yet mentioned how sometimes you have to deal with the same drunk lady that comes in some Thursday nights, sobbing, and asking for Nancy Drew over and over, even after you’ve shown her the section twice.

Maybe she just couldn't get over the Clue in the Clock

Maybe she just couldn't get over the Clue in the Clock

No one talks about how to handle the woman who demands a book on divorce for a four-year-old, “preferably titled Because Daddy’s a Good-For-Nothing Ass“. Or the guy who hides in the stacks to shout Star Wars quotes at random intervals. Or the boy who systematically takes all the books about hurricanes, one by one, and hides them in various places around the room such as under the cushions of chairs or in the bathroom sink.

If I ever become Dean of a library school, I will institute at least one course in all of these things. Wall-moving, furniture arrangement, and soda pouring can be an extra credit project in the popcorn class.

Library of Congress Archiving Tweets?!?

For real real!! There is a CNN article about it and everything. Apparently they will have every public tweet ever tweeted since Twitter’s creation in 2006! They cite the need to save important tweets as well as uses for the data to study human interactions in an increasingly digital world.

More importantly, it means that I have to add a new job to my Possible Job Ideas list:
Twitter Librarian of Congress

How awesome would that be? I will be watching for that job posting and will apply by tweet to seem authentic.

Possible Job Ideas

Every time we have a guest speaker in one of our classes, I become more and more convinced that my Master’s degree will make me less qualified for gainful employment. It doesn’t matter what they’re supposed to be talking about; it always devolves into “You poor suckers, you’ll never get a job, and certainly not around here where there are more librarians than environmentally-conscious hipsters (and there are A LOT of environmentally-conscious hipsters). And ESPECIALLY not if you want to work in youth services or at a public library. You are screwed with a capital S.” The situation is pretty dire. Especially now that I find out I have to compete with degree-holding pets too. Can you imagine going for an interview against Oreo Collins the tuxedo cat? You’d be all “I wrote my Master’s paper on–” and he’d interrupt with “I AM ADORABLE! PET ME! PET ME AND THEN HIRE ME!” and start to play with your shoelaces.

Anyway, since I am nothing if not organized, I’ve decided to plan ahead and think of other possible awesome job ideas. To help me, I’ve assigned all my fifth graders to write five paragraph essays about “What would the best job ever be and why?” But so far all I’ve gotten were doctor and astrophysicist. I know, lame. When I was in fifth grade I would have totally written about either water slide tester or Disney princess.

Although I’m not entirely without hope:

Boy: Can it be ANY job?
Me: Anything. Even water slide tester.
Boy: I don’t know if that’s a real job.
Me: I think it is. But even if it wasn’t, made up jobs are okay too.
Boy: Alright, I’m going to choose shark.
Me: What?
Boy: Shark.
Me: Ummm… can you think of three reasons to write paragraphs about?
Boy: OF COURSE! You get to eat people, you get to swim around, AND you get to BE A SHARK.
Me: I know this class doesn’t have grades, but you just earned an A+.

So yeah, so far it’s looking like shark is the best bet.

First Day of Class Poetry

Do Not Buy Book
Bookstore doesn’t have it
SWEET!
We read 1/3rd of the pages
violate copyright law
wee little things
Sakaipilot
Shan’t
Yahoo!Answers for a grade!!!!!!!
The Wild West of Reference
laugh in the face of danger librarianship
only librarians like to search everyone else likes to find

I decided, since first day of class is never about anything you can’t look up online later anyways, to take notes in the form of a poem. I bet you can tell everything we talked about just from that. Two cool things:

1. He decided we didn’t have to buy the book because the bookstore didn’t order them. Once again my lack of initiative pays off!

2. One of the assignments is to answer questions on Yahoo!Answers and other social Q&A sites. I realize it will probably be impossible to limit myself to anything involving the Jonas Brothers and inane dating advice (preferably both), but a girl can dream.