Posts Tagged ‘h-town’

Possible Job Ideas: Trampoline Park

So a park made entirely out of trampolines pretty much sounds like the coolest thing ever, and trampoline dodgeball doubly so.

There are about a frillion videos on youtube of people doing ridiculous flips etc.

There are about a frillion videos on youtube of people doing ridiculous flips etc.

Naturally, I’m super jealous of Colorado, Boston, Ohio, California, Nevada, Missouri, and–OMFG YOU GUYS THERE IS ONE IN HOUSTON. What was I DOING for four years of my life when I could have become a trampoline dodgeball champion? I could have become a trampoline dodgeball coach! Wasted. Potential.

H-Town: The Debriefing

I’m glad that Houston is just like I remember: nearly unbearable. But in a way I’ve grown to love. I love the ridiculous traffic, the sweltering heat, the overzealous mosquito population, the two stars. I also love the now-completed building that was outside my window all of last year. Its roof now looks like a ship’s prow that has accidentally careened into the med center. And, yeah, I walked by the new gym and it consumed my soul with jealousy. Other than that, though, I managed to pretty well avoid getting hit by the nostalgia truck. Because my shower doesn’t scream.

Probably the most surprising part of the weekend came on Saturday when I was expecting to collect my pieroyalties, the amount of which increases in increments of one pie yearly. I was promised three, but since both Anna (director) and Jacob (producer) assumed responsibility for this, I ended up with six. Jacob gave his long suffering Jacob sigh, said they would tip me one more, and keep two for the cast party. I assumed this was just his way of covering up a failed attempt at winning my affections. Because nothing says “Let’s make out after this play” like extra pie. It’s maybe a universal signal.

Anna also felt the need to tip me, specifically for this part of the play:
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Airplane Poetry

I’m in Houston! I knew the minute the swampy, humid air hit my face and I quickly found myself on an eight lane highway with a forest of tacky, neon signs on either side that the prodigal Patricia had returned.

This return involved two plane rides and a sandwich in Baltimore, whose airport is actually just a mall where some planes hang out. On the latter plane, Steven and I decided that the BEST POSSIBLE use of our time was to write each other notes while listening to our respective iPods. Naturally this quickly devolved into joint poetry:
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Things I Miss About Houston

This week I’ve been preparing for my triumphant return to H-Town next weekend to see my one-act and collect my royalties, which have been upped from three pies to three pies and one trashy romance novel after I valiantly and selflessly agreed to add ten more lines of dialogue at two a.m. I’m not really sure if it’s humanly possible to eat three pies in two days, but I’m excited to find out. You know, FOR SCIENCE.

Anyway, I made a list of all the things I miss about H-Town that I want to be sure to do while I’m there. Then they were all restaurants and I realized I couldn’t eat lunch twelve times on Friday. So I’ve decided to dig deeper, and think about what non-food things I miss about H-Town.

1. On-Ramps

It's like I'm leaving in the futuristic dystopia... TODAY!

It's like I'm living in the futuristic dystopia... TODAY!

Steven has always said that, unlike him, I’m a “natural Houston driver”, which I assume means “not a total wuss”. I really miss the needless enormity of the Houston highway system. Sure, it ruins the landscape, but I always feel like I’m entering a giant game of pinball as I speed up the oddly inclined on ramps or am about to rocket into a hover car skyscape a la The Jettsons. Sure, North Carolina roads are less intrusive and more in tune with the natural environment, but they make me feel two-thirds less like a super spy.
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