Posts Tagged ‘grrrrrrrrl power’

Protector of the Small Book 4: Lady Knight

May 27th, 2011 by pladd


This is the last book in Kel’s Protector of the Small series! AND Kel herself remarks about how ridiculous “Protector of the Small” sounds, something that’s been bothering me all month, so I’m happy she agrees. Also, this was the first Tamora Pierce book I’ve read for this project where I legitimately didn’t know ANYTHING that would happen or how it would end. True, I’d only read the very end of Squire so it had some surprises for me, but obvs you know she’s going to be a knight since the next book is called Lady Knight. I tried to make predictions for this book based on what I generally know about Tamora Pierce series and what was foreshadowed in Squire. Here’s what I thought was going to go down:

1. War with Scanra and more of those scary metal monsters! Kel will, of course, have to find the mage and kill him, as per her destiny, probably at the end of some big battle in which a bunch of her friends die.
Just like: Alanna killing Zombie!Roger during the magical earthquake and Daine killing Stormwing!Ozorne during the Battle of Legann
2. Most of those dead friends will be people we meet in Lady Knight since it is less work to kill off a character you’ve just met (pretty much for that sole purpose, like red shirted Star Trek guys).
Just like: Dead Liam, Dead Darkings, so many random soldiers
3. One important character from the whole series, however, will get Dumbledore’d to make you sad.
Just like: Faithful the Cat, Rikash the Stormwing, Thom (kind of–no one ever really liked Thom)
4. Kel will realize her OTL has been here all along and live happily ever after!
Just like: Alanna and George, Daine and Numair (gag)
5. Minor character marriages for all!
Just like: King J & Thayet, Coram & George’s Cousin, Sir Myles & George’s Mom, Daine’s Mom & Lord of the Dance

And, if pressed, my predictions for who would pair up with whom would include Neal and Yuki, and Kel and Dom. Kel and Cleon are clearly doomed as a couple since he is already engaged. I’m almost positive Lord Wyldon is going to get Dumbledore’d since his death would be tragic, surprising, and piss Kel off enough to kick some ass. Plus, I love his gradual acceptance of Kel, so I’m sure he’ll have some touching last words about how she’s better than ANY BOY or whatever. Also, Harry Potter and Joss Whedon taught me that people I like are DOOMED so I’ve started expecting it. I was also expecting at least one of her beloved animal companions to bite the dust a la Faithful the Cat.

I was pretty surprised when a lot of my predictions turned out to be wrong! Good job mixing things up, Tamora Pierce! I also didn’t anticipate at all the role Lord Wyldon assigned her: commanding a refugee camp. Unfortunately, this isn’t the boring job Kel expects because Tortall’s army apparently sucks and the enemy gets through ALL THE FREAKING TIME. The refugees at first hate Kel, but then she teaches them how to fight, and they come around to how awesome she is. All the while Kel feels guilty because the Chamber of the Ordeal told her killing that mage and getting rid of the metal death machines was her job, but she also can’t leave the refugees. Eventually she sees her duty clearly, even though it means treason, and sets off into enemy territory to see about things.

Middle School Patricia would have hated this book. There’s not enough magic, and too much being dirty and worrying about normal things like clean water. Plus, there was almost zero love connection between anyone. Since I am now all about Kel, however, I really enjoyed seeing her taking command. Oh, also, she acquires a lovable street urchin!

The Checklist

Animal Companions: Peachblossom (horse), Hoshi (second horse), Jump (dog), sparrows, plus lots of other random animals, thanks to Daine
Magical Bling: Stylish griffin feather headband lets you see through illusions!
Love Interests: Cleon and Kel are still sort of in a long distance relationship; still crushing on Dom
Old Friends: Raoul is, natch, also in this war, although he’s at one of the forts; Daine and Numair come around to help out a few times

The Play-by-Play

Chapter one: Storm Warnings
Kel keeps dreaming about the mage making the metal monsters. Warlod Maggur is now king of Scanra, so he has every clansman to throw at Tortall. Kel sneaks back into the Chamber of Ordeal to try to get some deets, but it tells her it doesn’t understand human time. All she finds out is that the mage’s name is Blayce.

Chapter two: Tobe
The army’s riding north! Prince Roald misses his fiance Princess Shinkokami and Neal misses Yukimi, who is apparently More Than A Crush. At the inn they stop at, Kel walks in on the innkeeper beating one of his indentured servants, an orphan boy whom Kel is pretty sure has wild magic with horses. Kel buys the boy’s indentured servant contract, cleans him up, and buys him clothes. His name is Tobe, and at first he thinks Kel must be “drunk, or takin’ a drug” but promises that if she doesn’t send him back to the innkeeper he’ll help her “carry your wine jug, an’ cut the poppy brick for you to smoke”. Best servant ever! Kel has him help her with the horses and clean weapons instead. Read the rest of this entry »

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Protector of the Small Book 3: Squire

May 17th, 2011 by pladd


Reading this book was a little bit weird because I know middle school Patricia stopped at Book 2, but I also vividly recalled the last few pages of this one. I’m pretty sure I was just so desperate to see if Kel finally, finally got to meet Alanna, the only Tamora Pierce heroine I cared about, that I went to the library and read the end. I know, it’s a little bit shameful. Reading the end before the rest of the book is considered a dueling offense in many librarian circles.

Anyway, for the first time since starting this project, I went into a book not really knowing what to expect. Obvs Kel must become a knight at the end since the next book in the series is called >Lady Knight, but beyond that I had no clue what would happen! In case you’ve forgotten from Alanna’s quest for knighthood, the way you become a knight in Tortall is:

1. Be a page
2. Be a squire
3. Take a ritual bath and get instructed in chivalry by two knights
4. Stay up all night in vigil in the chapel without speaking
5. Go into the magical nightmare chamber of the ordeal and quietly survive whatever it throws at you
6. KNIGHTED!

This book covers steps 2-6 for Kel, plus her first boyfriend, a lot of jousting, and near constant insults from random jerks. Some of the loose ends from Book 2, Page are tied up when the noble who paid hitmen to kidnap Kel’s maid and ruin her Page SATs is caught, his identity a surprise to no one. This book also starts to foreshadow what is going to go down in the sequel, Lady Knight as Scanra, the country on Tortall’s northern border, starts getting restive, sending raiding parties and creepy magic metal monsters to wreck up the place. At the beginning of the book, Kel is worried that no knight will choose her as a squire since Alanna is forbidden to speak to her in case someone tries to call shenanigans on her legit skillz. Luckily, Alanna’s old friend Raoul, Commander of the King’s Own, steps in, finally becoming a main character after two books of reminding us who he is. Raoul is pretty tough, but practical and fun, which pretty much describes Kel too.

I can see why Middle School Patricia got fed up before reading this book since, at the time, Kel and Co. were just not dramatic enough for her. She was frustrated when people who were mean to Kel were not SWIFTLY and IMMEDIATELY punished or shown the error of their ways, as would have happened in Song of the Lioness. I think she was annoyed that Kel and her story were a little too much like how things go in the real world. She probably should have just stuck to fanfiction. Now, of course, I really appreciate Kel’s forthright attitude, and the fact that not everyone is immediately her friend or even agrees with her in the end. It doesn’t stop her from kicking ass. Oh, she also briefly gets a pet griffin. It’s way annoying.

The Checklist

Animal Companions: Peachblossom (horse), Jump (dog), Griffin Baby, Sparrows
Magical Bling: Some griffin feathers!
Love Interests: Neal, briefly, leftover from Page; Cleon, for real reals; Dom, a slight unrequited crush
Old Friends: Raoul, of course, and Daine shows up a lot to help with this baby griffin problem

The Play-By-Play

Chapter one: Knight-Master
Welcome to the brooding practice court of backstory! Kel is sad because no knight will pick her as squire, but then Raoul picks her! Neal has been picked by Alanna because she can also teach him to heal with his magic. Kel is totes jeal, but Neal complains about Alanna’s temper. She’s just mad that no one can be as awesome as her, Neal!

Chapter two: The King’s Own
Flyndan, Raoul’s second in command, is annoyed that Raoul now has to “babysit” Kel, but everyone else seems pretty nice, especially Dom, Neal’s cute cousin! You know what they say, Kel, if you can’t have the guy you want, his cousin is almost as good. Lerant, the standard bearer, is also jealous because he thinks Kel will usurp his jobs. Read the rest of this entry »

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Protector of the Small Book 2: Page

May 13th, 2011 by pladd


I finished this book the day I heard about the first women serving on submarines! Of course my first thought was, “JUST LIKE KEL!!!!” Hopefully the Protector of the Small series is required reading in Naval Nuclear Prototype Training, because I think it will really get them ready for the challenges ahead! And, you know, teach them some finer points of jousting. Hopefully no one will pee on their doors or do other mean things to drive them out like Kel is still having to put up with here in Book 2.

You’d think being finally made a “real” page and not on probation would shut everyone up, but, alas, Joren and his friends are still tormenting poor Kel. She bears it stoically as usual, and continues to work hard at being awesome. One of my favorite things about Kel is that she’s not great at anything right away. Girl works HARD to earn her spot at the top. She gets up earlier than anyone to practice and exercise, adding other exercise routines in among her duties throughout the day. Kel is Rachel’s favorite Tamora Pierce heroine and in this book I discovered why: Kel is super tall! Since this book covers ages 11-14, Kel not only grows way tall, but also gets boobs and her first crush! I’d tell you more about the plot, but it’s mostly “school hijinks, puberty, SUDDEN KIDNAPPING ADVENTURE” as if the book remembers it should have a climax only in the last chapter.

The Checklist

Animal Companion(s): Peachblossom (grumpy horse), Jump (mangy dog), a flock of sparrows
Magical Bling: Kel is not really into magic, but she does have an awesome stash of weapons and gear thanks to her mystery benefactor
Love Interest(s): Natch Kel starts crushing on Neal, her BFF, since he’s handsome, funny, and 5 years older, the recipe for a perfect crush; Cleon’s fake flirting may have turned into something more!
Song of the Lioness/Immortals Character sightings: Raoul shows up once to remind to you he exists

The Play-by-Play

Chapter one: Page Keladry
Kel saves a really ugly, sausage-stealing dog from being meat-cleavered to death by a butcher. Her gloomy servant begs Kel to hire his niece Lalasa as a maid since she keeps being sexually harassed by nobles and other servants. Apparently this will stop once she’s a personal maid? Joren is still a jerk.

Chapter two: Adjustments
Kel tries to give the dog, Jump, to Daine, but Jump just wants to follow Kel around. Kel discovers Joren and Co. hazing a first year named Owen and starts a fight. Owen helps out, mostly by bleeding, and thinks it’s “jolly”. Read the rest of this entry »

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First Test: Protector of the Small Book 1

May 10th, 2011 by pladd


I am super excited to be starting Tamora Pierce’s third Tortall series, Protector of the Small, and not just because The Immortals Quartet makes me a little queasy. Protector of the Small starts a year after the events at the end of The Realms of the Gods and ten years after our beloved King J passed a proclamation saying girls can train to be knights. Finally someone takes up that challenge! Keladry, or Kel as she is called, faces a lot of the same challenges as Alanna did in her training, although without having to pretend to be a boy. In a lot of ways, this is worse, since she faces constant prejudice and unfair treatment both from her peers and some of her teachers. Though Kel looks up to Alanna, she’s very clearly Alanna’s opposite. Where Alanna has a temper, Kel strives to constantly “be as stone” and not let her emotions show. Her biggest pet peeve is anyone picking on someone smaller–hence “Protector of the Small”–and then she doesn’t hesitate to stoically kick some ass. Possibly because I’m more like my homegirl Alanna, it took me awhile to warm up to Kel, but I think by the end of Book 1 we are now BFFs. Middle School Patricia was less forgiving. Plus, by the time she read First Test, it was 8th grade, she was older, wiser, and had largely moved on to longer though not necessarily better literature. In consequence, I hardly remember anything about the two Kel books I know I did read, besides being constantly annoyed that nobody stepped in to make things more fair. Stupid boys.

In this first book, Lord Wyldon, the stodgy guy in charge of pages, insists that Kel serve a “probationary” year even though no boys have to, supposedly because he wants any excuse to send her home. Kel is pretty pissed at this, and the many other, injustices she finds waiting for her at the palace, but she grew up in Ancient Japan the Yamani Islands, where she was taught that to show emotion is to show weakness so she just shuts up and deals. Unlike Alanna, she has to earn most of her friends, since almost all the other pages hate her on sight. You know, because boys suck. Where Alanna feared cold most of all, Kel fears heights (future plot point, I’m sure). Kel is also the first main character in a Tamora Pierce series that doesn’t have some kind of magic, which Middle School Patricia thought was pretty boring, but I think is pretty cool.

The Checklist

Animal Companion(s): Peachblossom (bitchy horse), Crown and her flock (sparrows)
Magical Bling: None yet, but she does have some lucky cat charms
Love Interest(s): None yet, she’s only 10!
Song the Lioness/Immortals character sightings: King J and Healer Baird’s sons are both pages and Kel’s friends; Daine and Numair each make a brief appearance; Sir Myles, Lindhall, and Tkaa the Basilisk are all teachers; Sir Raoul shows up at the end to kick some spidren ass. Alanna is pouting somewhere else because everyone wants her to stay away from Kel.

The Play-by-Play

Chapter one: Decisions
Lord Wyldon doesn’t want to let a girl page in, but King J makes him. Alanna has to stay away because people will say Kel helped her cheat her way through. Kel wants to say no because probation is so totally not fair, then she is attacked by a spidren in the forest and realizes she needs any training she can get. If they send her home after a year, “I’ll still know more than I do now”(17).

Chapter two: Not so Welcome
Kel’s room is wrecked by mean boys her first day so the head servant gets her a special lock. Older pages have to sponsor younger pages and no one wants to sponsor Kel, I assume because they fear her raw girl power. Finally Neal of Queenscove, son of Duke Baird the chief healer, is all “Whatevs, I’ll do it.” He’s 15, not 10, because he started late after dropping out of healer college. He also sasses the teachers pretty much always. Read the rest of this entry »

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Song of the Lioness Book 4: Lioness Rampant

April 15th, 2011 by pladd


Despite my differences with Alanna, both 12-year-old Patricia and 23-year-old Patricia were sad at the end of this, the last book in her series. Sometimes I suspect the reason I read other Tamora Pierce books (instead of just these four over and over) were to get little glimpses of her again, even if they were minor. Every time another character even mentioned her in the later Immortals and Protector of the Small books, I would squeal like the little girl I guess I was. Alanna, you will always be my homegirl.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 12-year-old Patricia.

Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 4

Then

Alanna is on an epic quest to find the Dominion Jewel, which is super magical!! Duke Roger is BACK and up to NO GOOD, Thom is a jerk, Jonathan is a jerk, and this new guy Liam is SUCH A JERK. Alanna should just get rid of all boys.

Alanna is way better in this book than before, especially at the end, when she kicks some more bad guy butt. She also gets a new BF who is kind of lame, but a good fighter. In the end, she gets married, to creepy George. I don’t know if I can forgive her.

Now

Alanna is off on a quest to prove herself and bring glory to the kingdom. She goes after the fabled Dominion Jewel, high in the totally-not-Himalayan mountains. Upon her return, she finds the court in chaos. Someone is planning to overthrow the new king, but who? Answer: Pretty much every villain who’s ever appeared in any Alanna book so far.

Alanna gets another love interest in this book, Liam, the Shang warrior, who is a traveling martial arts expert. She realizes that their relationship is doomed from the start, but still gets somewhat mopey when it finally ends. Pretty much everyone down to the minor characters finds love at the end of this book and, much to Middle School Patricia’s chagrin, Alanna ends up with the newly-respectable George. Alanna may be busting out of those medieval-fantasy gender conventions, but marriage is still the end of her story. Since, as a woman, you can never hope for more. Blargh.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: Lioness from Tortall
Alanna and Coram are in a foreign country to find a scholar to translate their treasure map. Welcome to the Inn of Backstory! Luckily, Liam the Shang Warrior Kung Fu Master is staying at the same Inn, and commences condescending flirting. The Goddess appears and is super vague, as per usual.

Chapter Two: The Road East
Alanna, Coram, and Liam are going to the Roof of the World to get the Dominion Jewel! Unfortunately, they have to travel through Sarain which is full of civil war. Liam is afraid of magic and thinks it’s cheating, but they are still kind of in love (lust?) so it doesn’t matter?

Chapter Three: The Warlord’s Daughter
They are captured by Princess Thayet who is fleeing the fighting with a group of children she rescued. Our team decides to see them safely to some city and its convent. Thayet is super gorgeous, but also knows how to fight. When they get there, the sisters tell them Thayet’s father, the Warlord, is dead, and everyone is looking for her so they can kill and/or forcibly marry her. She decides to go with Team Alanna to the Roof of the World instead.

Chapter Four: The Roof of the World
A blizzard in the mountains closes the pass she needs to take. A fortune teller tells Alanna that the pass will never be open because she’s got to prove she wants the Dominion Jewel bad enough. That night she uses her magic to make Liam sleep and sneaks off to Indiana Jones it. She gets the jewel! But Liam is super pissed she used magic on him and breaks up with her. On the way home, they meet her old knight pal Raoul who tells her that 1) the king and queen are both dead and 2) Thom brought Roger back to life. Dun Dun Duuuuuun.

Chapter Five: In the Capital of Tortall
George is still fighting a secret thief war with Claw, and everyone thinks that Jonathan’s reign will be cursed because of his zombie cousin Duke Roger. Zombie!Roger claims that his magical powers didn’t come back to life with him, but nobody buys it. Claw is actually Ralon from the first book! And he is plotting with Delia from the second book! George tells Jon they are planning on killing him even though it breaks the thief code. They set up a sting operation but Claw/Ralon gets away. Zombie!Roger yells at Delia, Slutty Princess from Book 3, and Alex, his old squire for acting without his permission.

Chapter Six: Homecoming
Yay! They’re back! Jonathan and Thayet have a love at first sight moment, everyone respects Alanna, and Thom keeps acting strange.

Chapter Seven: Period of Mourning
All Alanna’s old BFFs have important jobs now, even though Jon has not been crowned yet. Alanna feels left out until Jon makes her King’s Champion. Jon is like, “Are you SURE you don’t want to get married?” And Alanna goes, “Um, did I not just see you macking on Princess Thayet?” and Jon is all, “I NEVER go back on my word”. Alanna is all, “Whatever, no.” Jon decides to pardon George, make him a Baron, and use him as a secret agent. One of Thom’s old teachers comes to the palace because George wrote that Thom is magic-sick.

Chapter Eight: Crossroads in Time
It’s coronation day, and natch Zombie!Roger tries something! He has Claw/Ralon and Delia lead soldiers to attack the great hall while he sucks all of Thom’s magic out of him to make massive earthquakes. Alanna runs to help Thom, but he dies. Then she runs to help his teacher, but he tells her Roger’s plan, then dies. Slutty Princess attacks her with a freakin’ axe, but Faithful the Magical Talking Cat takes one for the team. Alanna runs down to the secret palace catacombs where Zombie!Roger is trying to open some magical gate, but Alex challenges her to a duel, which she wins. Zombie!Roger is all “Ha ha! You can’t kill me with that sword! I made that evil magical sword you’ve mixed in with your own.” He uses his magic to try to pull it out of her hands but she hangs on. Then she suddenly decides to let go and the sword plunges into his heart. So he’s really dead now? I guess?
Final Epic Battle Death Role Call, listed from saddest to least sad for Middle School Patricia:
Faithful, Thom’s old teacher, Liam, Thom, Zombie!Roger, Slutty Princess, Alex, Claw/Ralon

Epilogue
Alanna is back with her desert tribe trying to rest, and Thayet shows up asking for Alanna’s blessing to marry King J. Once again Alanna has to assure us that she is really, really, actually fine with it. Liam’s old friend delivers her a letter from him from beyond the grave where he basically says, “Don’t blame yourself for my death; I wanted to die being a total badass hero”. Then George comes and asks what she wants to do, and she says Get Married! The End
Final Love Connections:
Alanna & George
Jonathan & Thayet
Sir Myles & George’s Mom
Coram & George’s Cousin
Thom & A Valuable Life Lessons about Meddling With Death

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1: Alanna: The First Adventure
Book 2: In the Hands of the Goddess
Book 3: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

Next up: Immortals Book One: Wild Magic

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Song of the Lioness 3: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

April 14th, 2011 by pladd


Alanna, you won me over in In the Hand of the Goddess, so I guess I can see you through its sequel, The Woman Who Rides Like a Man without too much complaint. Sure, it has that Two Towers feeling of just being a big set up for some even better story, and, yeah, there’s no main antagonist and you have no sense of purpose. But maybe Tamora Pierce is just trying to show us what happens after you graduate–to the knighthood, or from college or whatever–and wander around aimlessly trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. Alanna is 18, after all. Plus, this one has the best title of any Song of the Lioness book so I can’t hate on it too much.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 11-year-old Patricia.

The Woman Who Rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 3

Then

The Sitch
Alanna is finally a knight and off on knightly adventures!!! Except instead of fighting dragons, she just ends up living with this desert tribe and being a shaman and it’s hot and there are all these tents. Then Prince Jonathan proposes!!! Except it is not that romantic, so Alanna says no and Jonathan is SHOCKED and HURT and starts dating some princess to make her jealous so Alanna starts dating stupid old George to make HIM jealous. Basically, it is 4th period Earth Science, but everyone has swords.

Our Heroine
Alanna is kind of boring in this book. She turns down Prince Jonathan, which is SHOCKING, but she was right because his proposal was way lame. He didn’t even try to woo her AT ALL; that is not how you treat a lady, especially when she is AMAZING. Most of the time, she is way mopey.

Now

The Sitch
Alanna goes off into the world to find adventures and ends up becoming the shaman of a Bazhir tribe in the desert, shaking up all their ideas about women and propriety. Then she hangs around with boys for awhile, and Thom acts mad suspicious.

Our Heroine
Now that I’m 23 instead of 11, I think I better understand Alanna in this book. At 11, she just seemed boring and noncommittal. I kept waiting for her to do something. Now, of course, I get her completely because, hey, I have been there, homegirl. Alanna’s not sure about her identity or her place in the world, she’s torn between a familiar love interest who wants her for “all the wrong reasons” and a guy who she may or may not be using as a rebound. Plus, she flips out whenever anyone mentions that she might want to start popping out the babies since, come on, she is 18 already and that is obvs the time to settle down from all this crazy knight business. I feel you, Alanna. In this book more than ever, I want to invite you out for drinks and give you advice starting with “Girrrrrrrrrrrl…. y’all are better than these crazy boys!” Then we would clink our glasses and toast to Lady Power (we have leveled up from Girl Power at this point) and remaining Free of Society’s Expectations.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man
Alanna and Coram are attacked by Hill Men! In the fight, Alanna’s magical sword Lightning is broken! They become captives/guests of the Bloody Hawk tribe of the Bazhir desert people. Their headman thinks she is cool, but their shaman thinks she is a demon and wants to kill her. Natch they decide through Trial by Combat.

Chapter Two: The Bloody Hawk
She wins! By law, she is now part of their tribe. The shaman still tries to kill her a bunch, particularly with his evil magic sword. The Bazhir have a kind of high priest of all the tribes called The Voice who apparently spends an hour each night listening to all the thoughts of all the people in all the tribes. It is Ali, the guy she met at the Black City! He tells her that he is dying and Prince Jonathan must become the new Voice of the Tribes.

Chapter Three: Bazhir Shaman
Coram goes to get Jonathan, and Alanna can’t fix her sword because it is too magical. The shaman tries to kill Alanna again, but ends up killing himself by accident. Alanna becomes the new shaman! I wish awesome new jobs would just fall into my lap like that.

Chapter Four: Studies in Sorcery
Now that she is the shaman, Alanna decides to start teaching some obviously magical “outcast” teenagers to replace her. The two girls are timid because they are girls, and the boy is too arrogant. Alanna has dreams about Duke Roger coming back to life, but assumes that they are not prophetic at all.

Chapter Five: Apprentices
The women of the tribe are finally accepting Alanna and her two girl apprentices! Boy apprentice is still annoying. Thom sends Alanna a letter saying he is studying Duke Roger’s old papers, in a totally non-suspicious way. Arrogant boy apprentice tries to master the ex-shaman’s evil magical sword, and it kills him.

Chapter Six: Ceremonies
Sir Myles and Jonathan are here! Jonathan has to learn everything about the Bazhir and being the Voice before Ali dies. Prince J is going through his rebellious streak, and then asks Alanna to marry him. She accuses him of just wanting it for shock value, and then says she wants to think about it. Alanna realizes marrying Jonathan would involve being a normal, boring lady and having lots of babies.

Chapter Seven: The Voice of the Tribes
Jonathan becomes Voice of the Tribes! Alanna discovers he thought “I want to think about it” meant “Yes! Marry me right now!” and is pissed. They fight, and he tells her she is unwomanly and doesn’t know her place. Prince J goes back home and flirts up a storm with some visiting princess to make Alanna jealous/staunch the weeping of his broken heart.

Chapter Eight: The King of the Thieves
Alanna goes to visit George in Port Caynn, where he is quelling a thief rebellion. They immediately start sleeping together “because he doesn’t take me for granted”. Then on All Hallow (which I guess is fantasy-medieval Halloween) Alanna wakes up DRAINED OF MAGIC and knows it must by Thom. He writes saying he was doing an “experiment” and just needed to “borrow” her power. Then everyone is almost poisoned by some thief back in the capital named Claw. George has to go deal out some thief justice and Alanna goes back to the desert because she still cannot be within a ten mile radius of Jonathan and his slutty new princess.

Chapter Nine: At the Sign of the Dancing Dove
Claw def used to be a nobleman, but no one can tell who because he is horribly disfigured by acid! Thom may or may not be trying to raise the dead! Bet you see where this is going.

Chapter Ten: The Doomed Sorceress
Alanna is all “I’m bored” and the Bloody Hawk headman says, “Well, you could always go save my childhood BFF who is about to be burned at the stake by ignorant villagers for witchcraft”. So she does. She arrives too late, but the sorceress’ dying words tell her how to fix her sword: by merging it with the evil magical sword. Alanna has another dream about Roger coming back to life but Coram is all “That’s crazy; no author would carelessly kill off her main villain before realizing she actually needed him for two more books.” Alanna is as surprised as I am that this is really the anticlimactic end of the book.

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1: Alanna: The First Adventure
Book 2: In the Hands of the Goddess
Next Up: Lioness Rampant!

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Song of the Lioness 2: In the Hand of the Goddess

April 10th, 2011 by pladd


Basically the same day I completed my blog post about the first Alanna book, I rushed to the library to get the other three in the series. I can’t hide it anymore: Alanna is still my homegirl. As the Urban Dictionary definition emphasizes, SHE GOT MY BACK. Sorry for all that stuff I said about you in my first review, Alanna; you know I’m just jealous because I don’t have a horse named Moonlight and a magic sword named Lightning.

Once again, for comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 11-year-old Patricia.

In The Hand of the Goddess by Tamora Pierce

Song of the Lioness Book 2

Then

The Sitch
This book is even more amazing than the first one because Alanna is now Prince Jonathan’s squire!!!!! Also, she now has a magical talking cat named Faithful and is totally, totally madly in love with Prince Jonathan. They don’t get married at the end, but I am sure it is only a matter of TIME. Duke Roger is still being a complete jerk about everything.

Our Heroine
Alanna is even more amazing in this book!!! Both Prince Jonathan and George are madly in love with her, but obvs only Prince Jonathan can win her heart!! Plus, she goes to war and kicks some Tusaine butt, and becomes a knight at the end! Yay!!!

Now

The Sitch
Alanna is now a squire to Prince Jonathan, one of the few who know her secret: that she’s actually a girl. In this book Alanna stops a war, earns her shield, and finally confronts Duke Roger about his magical plotting. Plus, she learns more about MATTERS OF THE HEART.

Our Heroine
Alanna is less annoying to me in this book, but I’m not sure why. I think the people around her begin to develop more distinct personalities, and stop simply being Alanna Cheerleaders. For some reason, Middle School Patricia was convinced that Alanna and Prince Jonathan were OTL1, despite the book’s narration being pretty clear that they are just friends with benefits. George, the King of Thieves, her other love interest, was of no interest to Middle School Patricia, who always envisioned him as a middle aged man, making his interactions with her extremely creepy. This time around, I can see how George and Alanna are a better fit personality wise, but am annoyed that Tamora Pierce never shows us how George’s feelings develop. Unlike Prince Jonathan, George is pretty much shown as being madly in love with her from the very beginning of this book, which is probably why Middle School Patricia ignored him as potential OTL material. That, and the Old Guy Grossness.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: The Lady in the Forrest
Alanna meets the Great Mother Goddess one night in the forest. She warns her to learn to love, gives her a magical glowing ember necklace, and a magical talking cat BFF. She names it Faithful, not Killer, proving yet again that she is really not committed to this whole Pretending to Be a Boy thing.

Chapter Two: Duke Roger of Conté
Alanna fights Sir Dain, a knight in Tortall with the Tusaine ambassador, because he is insulting Tortall’s honor. She wins even though he fights dirty and Duke Roger is impressed.

Chapter Three: The Prince’s Squire
George tells Alanna fifteen is old enough to get married, and then he kisses her and she is all, “Whatever, I don’t need ANY MAN, I am going to be a knight, fool.” A magical boar tries to kill her in the forest (Duke Roger!?!?) and everyone at court, including Jonathan, is madly in love with some annoying girl named Delia. Alex, Alanna’s friend and Duke Roger’s squire, decides to fight a friendly duel with Alanna that quickly turns DEADLY. Luckily, Sir Myles interrupts them after Alex breaks her collarbone.

Chapter Four: A Cry of War
Tusaine and Tortall are at war! Duke Gareth has a freak accident (Duke Roger?!?!?) so our pal, Duke Roger leads the knights and soldiers from the palace. George once again tells Alanna they should get married, and she once again says that she needs NO MAN.

Chapter Five: By the River Drell
Alanna spends lots of time with the foot soldiers even though she is a noble. There is a nice one named Thor, and a mean one named Jem. Then one night Jem and Thor disappear from their guard posts and there is a major battle!! Luckily Alanna warns everyone in time. Later she finds Thor dying in the dark after Jem attacked him and uses her magic to ease his death even though it knocks her out because she is wounded.

Chapter Six: Captured!
Alanna and Jonathan get all makey-outy because he is so happy she’s okay. Later Duke Roger finds her on watch and is all, “We could be great friends, you and I!” (evil eyebrow waggle) and Alanna responds, “I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU IN EVIL!!!” Then a magical fog comes up and she’s captured. Jonathan plans a rescue mission even though crossing the river is totally against the King’s orders. Jem is really Jemis, the King of Tusaine’s brother! The rescue mission captures him and his other brother, forcing the King of Tusaine to agree to a peace treaty for their return.

Chapter Seven: Winter Lessons
Alanna wants lessons on how to be a lady from George’s mom, Mistress Cooper. Wolves in the forest start eating children, so everyone goes out to hunt them. A giant one attacks Alanna, and, since she is holding the Goddess’ Mystical Ember Necklace when she kills it, she sees that it is surrounded by magic–the same color as Duke Roger’s!!!! On her birthday, she is super annoyed by Jonathan’s flirting with ladies, so she puts on her lady disguise dress and wig and goes into the garden, where she meets Jonathan. He sees the pregnancy charm Mistress Cooper gave her and is all, “Why don’t we try it out to see if it works?” Which is maybe the lamest pick up line ever. “Let’s try out that contraception, baby. There’s a 50% chance of unwanted pregnancy, but a 100% chance of love!” At first Alanna is all, “Ew, no” but later she relents into, “Whatever, I guess.”

Chapter Eight: Fears
Alanna and Jonathan continue to be friends with benefits. Someone tries to drown Alanna while ice skating (Roger?!?!?!). George is sad that Alanna is in love with Jonathan, but Alanna insists that she is just using him for sex (in euphemism; but I still don’t know how Middle School Patricia missed it). Alanna and George go visit Thom in the City of the Gods, where everyone hates him because he is the youngest master sorcerer ever, and kind of a dick. He promises to come to the capital after she’s made a knight to watch the Roger situation after Alanna leaves on her knight adventures. On the way home, Alanna and George are attacked (Roger?!?!?).

Chapter Nine: The Ordeal
Here is how to become a knight in Tortall:
1) Be a page: go to classes, learn weapons, serve dinner to people
2) Be a squire: serve a knight, learn weapons
3) Pass the Ordeal: take a purifying bath while two knights read you the code of chivalry, keep a silent vigil, go into the magic Chamber of the Ordeal and stay in there still without making a sound until it’s over
Alanna tells Gary, Duke Gareth’s son, her secret so that he and Prince Jonathan can chivalry her up after her bath. He thinks it’s hilarious. The Ordeal Chamber basically throws all her worst fears at her, but she survives and becomes a knight! Yay! Thom gives her a magical shield that looks like the normal Trebond arms, but changes magically into a Lioness Rampant for when she reveals her real identity.

Chapter Ten: To Duel the Sorcerer
Alanna decides it is finally, FINALLY time to do something about Duke Roger and his constant attempts to kill her. She ransacks his rooms and finds voodoo dolls of everyone. She accuses him in front of the entire court and he challenges her to trial by combat. During the fight, he uses magical illusions to confuse her, but she uses her Magic Goddess Necklace to see through that shit. Then his sword rips open her shirt and special boob-crushing corset and OMG THE SECRET IS OUT. Everyone is all “WTF???” but the shock helps her kill Duke Roger, dead once and for all (or IS HE?)

Epilogue
Sir Alanna and Coram are off on adventures! All her friends try to get her to stay, but she is sick of this cold weather crap. Plus, she just killed the King’s nephew and all, so it’s probably time to get the hell out of dodge.

Also see: Song of the Lioness Book 1, Alanna: The First Adventure

Next Up: Woman Who Rides Like a Man!

  • 1One True Love↑

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Song of the Lioness 1: Alanna: The First Adventure

April 8th, 2011 by pladd


True confession: when I was in 6th grade the only books I would read were by Tamora Pierce. Even if you physically forced me to read something else (yeah, I mean you, Mrs. Sniffen, 6th grade English, The Hatchet) I would probably just throw it dramatically to the ground as soon as you turned your back and pick up Lioness Rampant again. The problem with being completely obsessed with a single writer, though, is that she can’t possibly write at a speed to keep you constantly engaged, especially when confronted with things like puberty and Trying To Look Smart. So Tamora Pierce pretty much fell out of my life around 8th or 9th grade, when I was way more interested in reading all of Charles Dickens and pretending to be Too Cool for all the boys I knew1.

Then at the library I found a new book of short stories by Tamora Pierce. Some kind of latent 6th grade instinct made my hand reach out and snatch it, before I realized that 1) I am not obsessed with Tamora Pierce anymore and 2) I haven’t read any Tamora Pierce since half-way through the Kel series, so I’m pretty behind. Basically the only thing to do at that point was go back and start at the very beginning. Luckily, they read a lot faster now that I am 12 years older.

There are a lot of more badass covers on later editions now, but this is the one I had in middle school

For comparison purposes, I’ve decided to explain this book both as 23-year-old Patricia and 11-year-old Patricia.

Alannna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

Then

The Sitch
Alanna has to pretend to be a boy because everyone is way mean and won’t let her be a knight as a girl even though she is totally the best!!!! Also, she has a horse named Moonlight and a sword named Lightning! She also has magic and uses it to save Prince Jonathan twice!!

Our Heroine
Alanna is the best!!!! She can fight better than ANY boy even though she is smaller and is super brave and amazing. Also, she has red hair and purple eyes, which is the best possible combination! If only I could dye my hair and buy color contacts to look just like her!

Now

The Sitch
Alanna, a fiesty ten-year-old, switches places with her twin brother and starts pretending to be a boy so she can go to the palace and start training to be a knight. This book covers her three years as a page.

Our Heroine
Alanna is kind of a Mary Sue. Pretty much everyone loves her, and if they don’t, that’s a sign that they’re the bad guy. I didn’t really notice when I first read this book that most of the other characters only exist to reassure Alanna that she really IS that amazing whenever she thinks she’s not. Still, girl’s got game, and more Girl Power than a Spice Girls concert. Also, no one guesses that she’s a girl even though she names her horse “Moonlight”. Wake up, everyone in Tortall.

Play by Play Notes

Chapter one: Twins
Alanna doesn’t want to be a lady and Thom, her twin, doesn’t want to be a knight. So they switch places! Apparently Lady School is the same as Beginner Sorcerer School so that works out. Plus, their father is a fantasy-medieval dead beat dad, so he doesn’t even notice. Before she leaves, the village wisewoman warns Alanna to use her magic to heal to make up for the killing she will do. Alanna is like “Whatever”. Alanna and her manservant Coram arrive in the capital and Alanna is full of fierce determination!

Chapter Two: The New Page
Alanna immediately gets into a fight with an older page named Ralon. Luckily, Prince Jonathan and his posse put a stop to it and immediately are all about Alanna (or “Alan”). Classes are super hard, but she won’t give up! On a free morning in the city, she meets George, King of Thieves, who says that he senses with his Gift (like magical powers) that he should be her friend. She is flattered instead of creeped out.

Chapter Three: Ralon
Ralon beats up Alanna whenever he can. Prince Jonathan and his posse try to stop it, but Alanna is stubborn and Can Fight Her Own Battles! She asks George to teach her dirty street fighting and practices all the time! Then she finally beats him up in front of everyone, he vows revenge but leaves court, and Alanna and Jonathan become BFF because she is so brave and amazing.

Chapter Four: Death in the Palace
The Sweating Fever sweeps through the city killing people. The disease seems to be magical, because it drains the healers who try to help. Francis, who is apparently Alanna’s friend despite having only one line so far, ends up dying and Alanna is wracked by guilt. Obviously because she is not willing to use her Gift it is all her fault! Then Jonathan gets sick but all the palace healers are too weak to help!! Alanna uses her magic to snatch him out of the jaws of death! Sir Myles, her teacher BFF who was watching, starts to suspect she is a girl.

Chapter Five: The Second Year
Alanna has to bind her growing breasts and it’s a bummer. Duke Roger, Jonathan’s cousin and an uber-sorcerer, comes to court to start teaching them to use their Gift. Alanna instantly hates him like woah, obviously because he is the bad guy. Alanna finally gets to start fighting with swords but is bad at it.

Chapter Six: Womanhood
Alanna does not know what periods are and freaks out that she is dying. She runs into the city and demands that George take her to a woman healer. George is all, “WTF?” and Alanna is all “I AM GIRL!” and George is all “…. right” and takes her to his healer mom, who pretty much laughs at Alanna and gives her the facts of life talk. Alanna and Sir Myles visit his estate where he shows her the ruins of the Old Ones. She finds a secret passage and a magic sword! Thom sends her a letter saying Duke Roger is totes evil and def caused the Sweating Sickness. Alanna is finally great at swords because of all her practice.

Chapter Seven: The Black City
The Squires take a field trip to the dessert! Alanna goes too because she is BFF with Prince Jonathan (and everyone). Duke Roger tells all of them, “No one should go near the super evil, super magic Black City! Except if you happen to be in front of me in line for the throne and might happen upon a convenient accident, I mean!” Alanna thinks this is mad suspicious but no one else does. Jonathan, of course, sneaks off to the haunted Black City and Alanna follows. There they fight the Nameless Ones for their souls with magic and swords. They win, but Alanna’s clothes magically fall off revealing she is a girl. Jonathan is like “Oh, whatever” and because she fought so well he chooses her to be his squire when he is promoted to knight.

Next in the Song of the Lioness Quartet: In the Hand of the Goddess

  • 1At the time, I thought this was an act. But after reflection and seeing them again since, I have proven to be dead right. Good job, 15-year-old me.↑

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