Posts Tagged ‘bus’

Last School Year Ever: Why My Week Has Sucked

Sorry about not posting yesterday; this week has been like a perfect storm of small amounts of tragedy that mix together to make a Long Island Iced Tea of despair.

–The bus route is going through its awkward teenage years, trying to reinvent itself, but remaining confused and unsure of what its peer group wants. At least, that’s how I’m interpreting its persistent, erratic behavior. The first day it was just massively late every time I tried to ride it, which is not that surprising on the first week of school. Then one afternoon at a random stop in the middle of the route, the bus driver told everyone to get off because she was done. It wasn’t an off-shift kind of thing–those happen at the end of the line–and we were all forced to wait FORTY MINUTES for the next bus–the two that should have come in the intervening time apparently having stopped off somewhere for after-school aperitifs. Or the happy times when the bus mysteriously fails to change direction at noon as it should, and I am forced to walk in a pack of my disconsolate cohorts along the side of the road. Walking in the sweaty, sweaty heat is kind of annoying, but not the end of the world. However, it’s throwing havoc to my carefully balanced schedule.

–My advisor is going on sabbatical the semester I’m supposed to be writing my Master’s Paper. Since I’m “aggressively competent” this will probably not adversely affect me to the extent it may some people, but it still means that I will 1) have to do a lot more work more quickly and 2) plead my case to the few remaining professors who care about things like public libraries or books way more aggressively than should be necessary. I mean, whose idea was it to only have two professors who are remotely interested in children and teens? I’m feeling the love.

–Once again, my classes only have vague relevance to my future career path. After yet another summer spent working in an actual library doing what I actually plan to pursue, this is even more aggravating than before.

–Our apartment is broken. We haven’t been able to use the shower for two days. Since Steven was going on one of his “if I wash my hair too much it’ll fall out” kicks even before that, it is a smelly, smelly world.

–Everything I eat or drink lately has a weird metallic taste. It took me forever to realize that I’m not dying of arsenic poisoning and that it’s just our dishwasher not washing the soap entirely off our dishes.

–I finished Hunger Games in like five hours yesterday and, despite loftily thinking myself immune to pop-lit trends, am now desperate to read the sequels. My choices are: wait three months on the library request list with all the other teen girls or pay money. I am in an agony of anti-BigBoxBookStore, cheapskate, frantic teen girl indecision.

–Steven keeps beating me at our jury rigged two-person version of Settlers of Catan. My honor is furious.

Hopefully I will at least be able to sort out the last two today.

Finals Time

It’s finals week and I am writing a giant paper on children’s information seeking behavior. I’m also writing an 100 page screenplay with James Fox as part of Script Frenzy. I don’t know why NaNoWriMo always decides that the best months to interfere in my life are the same months that bring finals. Not that they’re forcing me to write anything but, like the bad ass time traveling super hero I’m writing about, I can never turn down a CHALLENGE. Since I don’t really have that much time to give you all the exciting details, I’ve decided to do this soap opera recap montage style:

Last Week on: Patricia’s Life
INT. MANNING HALL – SEMINAR ROOM – FRIDAY MORNING
The seminar class wanders one-by-one into the room, yawning because it’s so early. Since they’re the only class in the entire School of Information and Library Science that meets on Friday, the halls are eerily quiet and echo ominously.

PATRICIA
Why are you wearing shorts when it’s cold outside all of a sudden?

PROFESSOR
You’ve got to commit to shorts at some point in the year and never look back
(pause)
This is exactly how they dress at the Australian stock exchange. It’s business casual.

INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – FRIDAY
PATRICIA sits on the floor working on her research at the giant coffee table she uses as a regular kitchen table.

INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – SATURDAY
PATRICIA sits on the floor working on her research at the giant coffee table she uses as a regular kitchen table.

INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – SUNDAY
PATRICIA sits on the floor working on her research at the giant coffee table. She pauses briefly to write a hurried three more pages of Script Frenzy script. It involves space dinosaurs for some reason.

INT. PATRICIA’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN TABLE – MONDAY EVENING
PATRICIA gets up to start making meatloaf cupcakes for dinner when she hears something at the front door.

PATRICIA (v. o.)
Hmmm… it’s still light outside so that can’t be Steven yet. INTRUDER!!!

Patricia looks around for a weapon to defend herself. Suddenly, STEVEN walks into the room.

STEVEN
Hey girl hey!

PATRICIA
(sets down chair) Oh.

INT. MANNING HALL – CLASSROOM – TUESDAY MORNING
For some reason, UNC still does paper course evaluations that are on a scantron. PATRICIA is annoyed that she doesn’t have a pencil and is forced to write her detailed explanation of how this class could be greatly improved by not requiring it with a tiny golf pencil that won’t even fit in her hand.

EXT. BUS STOP – TUESDAY AFTERNOON
PATRICIA is reading another book about children’s information seeking while waiting for the bus. Its cover has a strange picture of a child in a library looking AS CONFUSED AS IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE.

SKETCHY GUY
So whatchya reading?

PATRICIA
This stupid book about child information seeking behavior.

SKETCHY GUY
(confused and slightly repulsed–the appropriate reaction)
Why?

PATRICIA
I guess because I’m a librarian.

SKETCHY GUY
Huh. You’re kinda hot for a librarian.

PATRICIA
Ummm… What?

SKETCHY GUY
Like… you’re not old.

PATRICIA
And I’m not shushing you?

SKETCHY GUY
Yeah!

PATRICIA sighs.

Stay tuned next week for:
INT. SPACESHIP – THE VASTNESS OF SPACE

PATRICIA
Your plan to steal all of the world’s gemeralds to power your evil space station is foolproof, Dr. Fiend.

Dr. Fiend cackles evilly and strokes his pet mongoose.

PATRICIA
But there’s ONE thing you DIDN’T COUNT ON!

Close up on PATRICIA’s narrowed eyes:

PATRICIA
I’M NO FOOL!

EXT. A BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN MEADOW – DAY

THAT GUY WHO LOOKED LIKE SNAPE WHO WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER
You see, I had to leave my job at blockbuster, even though I loved answering your inane questions about which movies would be best for a “Burned as a Witch” drinking game.

PATRICIA
But… but WHY?

SNAPE GUY
DUMBLEDORE NEEDS ME

EXT. ATOP THE WILSON LIBRARY DOME – NIGHT

PATRICIA
Come on, Steven, just come down from here with me and no one will get hurt

STEVEN
NO! I’M A GARGOYLE!!!!!!

It’s gonna be great.

The Mysterious J Route

I live about a half hour walk from campus so I almost always take the bus. The only bus that goes by our apartment complex is the lovable J Route that, during certain times of the morning, becomes so crowded with students from the apartments around here that we are forced to stand awkwardly against each other and drive by most stops after mine. The first week it was fun to watch the people at these stops throw up their hands angrily as the bus sped by, but now they’re quietly resigned. You’d think that with us all being students, you’d get to know the same faces of the same people going to the same classes at the same time every week. This, strangely, is not so. I always seem to be waiting at the stop next to completely ridic people whom I then never see again. I always want to surreptitiously take their picture with my phone, but that would be kind of obvious. Instead, I have started keeping a list.

List of Ridiculous People I Have Seen On the Bus
1. Guy in trench coat and Dr. Seuss hat. Added weirdness: this was before it got cold out, so there was really no reason for long sleeves.
2. Mystical Gypsy Fortune Teller Lady. You know that stereotypical character the heroes in the movie/tv show always consult once randomly about their fate/birth mark/mysterious past? I sat next to her on the bus once.
3. Girl with large, oddly red layer cake. It was like blood red, and huge.
4. Small child that stared at me, making roaring noises for fifteen minutes. ROARRRRRR!
5. Mormons. Asking everyone who got on what questions they would like to ask God. I said, “Why are manatees such useless wastes of space?” They chose to ignore this, but my follow up question would have been, “If he’s so omnipotent, why couldn’t he make them to get out of the way of my speed boat?”
6. No Pants Girl. First day of legit chilly weather and she was wearing a sheer skirt and a thong. How do I know she was wearing a thong? Because her skirt had no lining so I could see it. Well, more like I could see that she wasn’t wearing anything else more substantive. She seemed confused.
7. Sleepologist girl. Today I overheard this conversation–actually, overheard is maybe a misleading word. I was standing five people away from these two and couldn’t HELP hearing because the one was pretty much shouting:
Girl 2: cuts everyone in line to stand in front of Girl 1’s face HEY!
Girl 1: makes some kind of sleepy grunt noise
Girl 2: HEY! What time did you go to bed last night?
Girl 1: I don’t know.
Girl 2: WHAT TIME?
Girl 1: I really don’t know.
Girl 2: I WILL NOT ASK YOU AGAIN!!!
Girl 1: I guess around 3.
Girl 2: THREE?!?!?! You NEED to SLEEP!
Girl 1: I did sleep.
Girl 2: ONLY FOUR HOURS IS NOT SLEEP.
Then they had a brief debate about exactly how many hours and minutes she’d slept. This seemed to be confused by the fact that they kept hearing the other say different times, and neither seemed to be able to subtract in base sixty
Girl 2: Well, whatever. THERE IS NO WAY THAT WAS REM SLEEP!
Girl 1: Rapid eye movement sleep.
Girl 2: NO, you need AT LEAST six hours a night. And NO sleeping in the library! And no excuses about coffee.
Girl 1: It was Mountain Dew or whatever.
Girl 2: NO EXCUSE! Watch TV for thirty minutes under the blanket, lie on your bed in the dark, close your eyes, and try to think calming thoughts.
The bus arrives. I sit near the front. They sit in the back. Despite other people on the bus, I still hear vague shouts of “SLEEP!” and “THIS IS NOT A REQUEST!” throughout the bus ride.

I can only assume Girl 2 was some kind of sleepologist in training and Girl 1 was her test subject who kept refusing to follow orders.

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