SHHH! Keith Richards, the grizzled veteran of rock’n’roll excess, has confessed to a secret longing: to be a librarian. After decades spent partying in a haze of alcohol and drugs, Richards will tell in his forthcoming autobiography that he has been quietly nurturing his inner bookworm.

He has even considered “professional training” to manage thousands of books at his homes in Sussex and Connecticut, according to publishing sources familiar with the outline of Richards’s autobiography, which is due out this autumn. He has received a reported advance of $7.3m (£4.8m) for it.

The guitarist started to arrange the volumes, including rare histories of early American rock music and the second world war, by the librarian’s standard Dewey Decimal classification system but gave up on that as “too much hassle.”

The rest of the article can be found here.

Also, I’m going to DC today! I hope to relive my childhood and also show Steven what is what. It will be just like The Roadtrip, but much shorter.

1. High fives

Did you know that they have an amazing Wikipedia article, complete with how-to pictures and multiple “variations”? I didn’t until I googled it in an attempt to find a hilarious picture and then forgot what I was doing. Anyway, yesterday I taught a kid how to do long division and when he finally got it, he gave me a high five. It was pretty awesome, and the best possible form of payment for my stellar services. You know, besides money.

2. Surprises

Usually, I am not a fan of surprises, probably because I am easily startled and therefore hate people jumping out from behind things. However, yesterday when I got home mad late, I found Steven Wiggins had surprised me with flowers:

and also surprised me with a three course meal! I don’t have pictures of that because I ate it too fast. Surprise food=always pretty awesome.

3. Rachel now lives a mile from me!!

Ridiculous, I know. I assume the other members of THE 434 will also randomly move here for their own reasons. Adventures are sure to follow. Personally, I’m hoping for another List.