And as I walked through the woods
Behind the dumpster
Watching deer tracks and raccoon tracks
Dog tracks and squirrel tracks
I came upon a fallen herd
Of apples
Terrified
I looked around
For the Twilight photoshoot
But there was none
Winterpocalypse Notebook: IV
February 2nd, 2010 by
Tagged: pictures, poetry, twilight, winterpocalypse
Tagged: pictures, poetry, twilight, winterpocalypse
Winterpocalypse Notebook: III
January 31st, 2010 by
Tagged: pictures, poetry, winterpocalypse
Tagged: pictures, poetry, winterpocalypse
The next morning
The next morning I woke up at 8
Annoyed about going to work on a Saturday
As I am every Saturday
I got dressed and went downstairs
I looked out the window
WHITE
I was not going to work today.
I ran upstairs and jumped on Steven.
“SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!”
“mmrrrhhhmmmgoaway”
“GET UP! LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!”
“mmmrrrhhhdontwanna”
“WE’RE GOING OUTSIDE TO PLAY!”
I dragged Steven outside
He said he would get pneumonia
I told him it was good for him
Then I found a trash can lid and tried to sled.
Read the rest of this entry »
Winterpocalypse Notebook: II
January 31st, 2010 by
Tagged: pictures, poetry, snow, winterpocalypse
Tagged: pictures, poetry, snow, winterpocalypse
The Night it Began
The night it began I was at
Harris Teeter
Because Steven had discovered at the last minute
That our milk was bad
and he needed it to make tortillas.
There were so many people
(I parked across the street)
It seemed like everyone was a college student
Buying beer and wine
Or a mom buying cat food.
I stood in line for the self check out
With my one bottle of milk
In the middle of the shampoo aisle
When from the front of the store
We heard someone shout
“It’s snowing!”
And getting home was a bitch.
Read the rest of this entry »
Times I Have Almost Died: Calendar Literacy Fail
This morning I woke up early, ready for the first day of classes. After taking a shower and grumbling about having to put on Not-Pajamas before noon, I decided to look up where my classes for the morning were, and then, since I was already there, what obscenely expensive textbooks I would need to buy and then never read. It’s a miracle that I did this because there, at the top of one of the course websites, was the schedule with “CLASS INTRO: JAN. 12TH” as the first bullet point.
That was my first clue. My second clue was when I looked at the academic calendar (for the first time ever, natch) and saw “JANUARY 11TH: CLASSES BEGIN” highlighted in red.
I can only imagine what would have happened had I decided to make breakfast instead of order textbooks (which I gave up on after discovering the sordid truth, btws). I would have taken the bus to school, complaining about the cold the entire way, wondered vaguely where the hordes of undergraduates were, and sat in an empty classroom for about half an hour before wondering if there was some kind of alphabetizationmergency I had missed the alert on.
I guess I just assumed that if I was going to work I should also be going to class. I’m actually hoping this happens more often because suddenly having another week of sleeping in and not doing boring readings about “What IS information?” is all the more awesome because of its unexpectedness.
So awesome that I decided to update my blog for the first time since being gripped by the ravages of Frozen North-induced flu. Don’t worry, I got better in time for presents. It was a Christmas miracle.
National Novel Writing Month 2009: Epic Win!
November 29th, 2009 by
Tagged: Middle School, nanowrimo, wordle
Tagged: Middle School, nanowrimo, wordle
This graphic, the only semi-tangible prize, was SO WORTH IT.
Granted, my main memories of Thanksgiving are of writing 17,000 words in two days, but still! Look at this picture I won!!! In case you were wondering, the novel ends with the three different Patricias plus random historical/alternate time line characters teaming up to USE THEIR IMAGINATIONS to defeat the Plutonians. Apparently illogical thought processes are their one weakness, making Middle School Patricia the ultimate contender.
I can’t be bothered to post the entire novel on here, but here is the wordle art version of it:
I like how PATRICIA dominates. Just like always. Click for larger image (i.e. to read any words that aren’t PATRICIA)
National Novel Writing Month 2009: A Timeline
November 24th, 2009 by
Tagged: James Fox, Middle School, nanowrimo, pictures, timeline
Tagged: James Fox, Middle School, nanowrimo, pictures, timeline
I thought it was over forever last year. But then in October this happened:
2009
October
Start receiving “reminder” emails from the NaNoWriMo website. Roll my eyes.
October 24th
Read over “novel” from last year while procrastinating writing a paper. Feel bad about the lack of coherency.
October 26th
Decide to do National Novel Writing Month again, this time attempting not to fall back on random free association to meet word limit. I CAN write a 50,000 word novel that sticks to one plot. For varying definitions of “one plot”. And “sticks”. And “novel”.
October 30th
Convince James Fox to write one too in exchange for making him a character in my novel.
November 1st–10pm
Suddenly remember that it’s the first day of National Novel Writing Month. Stay up to begin novel. Decide it should be about Middle School Patricia traveling to the future by accident to meet me now. It can be deep and full of meaning and reveal things about my life and stuff.
November 2nd
Decide to occasionally write from Middle School Patricia’s Point of View to use up more words. Read the rest of this entry »
National Novel Writing Month 2008: A Timeline
2008
March
See a class called “How To Write a Novel In a Month” while registering. Decide this is the class for me because 1) I like writing novels, 2) I like having no time to revise, and 3) I only needed one more credit hour.
August–First Week of Class
Discover this is a Martel Student Taught Course. Half the people signed up are Serious English Major Novelists, the other half seem to make up Rice’s Anime Club.
August–Second Week of Class
Discover the Serious English Major Novelists have dropped the class en masse. Learn about: how writing is a serious mystical art that puts your mind in tune with the gods; anime.
September–Third Week of Class
Begin bringing laptop and playing Mah Jong during class, which this week consists of watching a youtube fan video about Halo 2 or something. And always the constant hum of Anime in the background.
September–Fourth Week of Class
Listen to a girl’s novel idea about puppies that, when they lick you, they change your gender.
Rest of September
Skip class. See above.
October
Try to think of ideas for 50,000 word novels that I could write way fast. Decide to just write about my summer job at the library in third person, artfully changing everyone’s name. Figure that will give me AT LEAST 50,000 words of ridic stories.
November 1st
Start novel. Decide this is going to be easy.
November 5th
Already 1000 words behind.
November 10th
3000 words behind. Introduce library trolls for variety.
November 12th
Library trolls aren’t working out. Change plot entirely so that it is now Me (Summer Intern) and the elderly assistant director against a horde of zombies and other book characters that have come alive and are attacking the library in the night.
November 13th
We team up with Napoleon. Excerpt:
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Times I Have Almost Died: National Novel Writing Month
National Novel Writing Month happens every November, when writers and crazy people alike attempt to complete a 50,000 word novel in one month. That’s about 1667 words a day. Like 3 pages single spaced. No sweat right? Yeah.
Last year my novel started out being a set of connected and humorous short stories about the library I used to work at. Then that got boring and I wasn’t working fast enough so zombies attacked the library. Then about a third of the way through I couldn’t take the word limit requirements and it turned into ridiculous stream of consciousness where I talked about everything from what I had dreamed the night before to how I feel about flying squirrels. In hundreds of years they will probably find it and be so confused they will have no choice but to turn it into a holy book and start worshiping its bad syntax.
This year I made a vow that I would hold off stream of consciousness for as long as possible. However, it’s November 10th and I only have 13,868 words. By the end of today I should have 16,670. Yeah, right. Not when I am also trying to write final papers for grad school, thanks.
To say that I have upheld my vow and completely stayed on track would also not be completely accurate. Sure, I have stuck with a story and not started rambling about my personal life yet, but it only took about four days for that story to veer dramatically from semi-serious psychological study of realistic characters to TIME TRAVELING ALIENS ARE ATTACKING; ONLY YOU CAN SAVE MANKIND. I assume this switch was inevitable. Also, it is only November 10th. There are 20 more days left. I predict I would be stream of consciousnessing to make Faulkner proud by the end of this week.
Times I Have Almost Died: Helping Others
October 6th, 2009 by
Tagged: Alex Crompton, Andrew Coffin Fox, Blockbuster, blogs, Bova, NASCAR News, THE 434, transcripts, waffles
Tagged: Alex Crompton, Andrew Coffin Fox, Blockbuster, blogs, Bova, NASCAR News, THE 434, transcripts, waffles
I know I have a job tutoring math, but I mainly do that for the Lying to Children aspects as much as the Helping Others part. So you can tell how hard this is for me. I wouldn’t be doing it at all, except instead of having a Wafflemaker Off of Epic Proportions last night, I made Steven watch Labyrinth with me instead.
Blockbuster Guy: I have the Collector’s Edition of this.
Me: Cool!
Blockbuster Guy: Yeah, and the Jareth action figure.
Me: Of course you have the Jareth action figure.
Blockbuster Guy: This movie is so awesome… it even makes me forgive David Bowie for trying to act.
Me: He was SO acting! He changed tight pants in like every scene! Just when you think there are no more tight pants in the world for David Bowie to wear, HE FINDS SOME!
Blockbuster Guy: I mean… if you’re into that.
Steven: I am already having doubts about the goodness of this movie.
Anyway, Steven learned a valuable lesson about goblins and I made friends with a Blockbuster employee (current life goal), so I feel that, despite a waffle lack, it was a night well spent. But that leaves me with nothing to write about today (besides Blockbuster employees). So, I have decided to help others. Sigh.
The Adventures of Cynthia Bova
As an integral part of THE 434, Bova’s blog is maybe my blog’s sister, or at least some kind of hot cousin. We originally battled for supremacy, but eventually decided that the Internet was big enough for us to coexist. She writes more about her personal life than I do (I only write about mine when it is AWESOME, which is often, so that’s okay) but definitely holds the market share on exclamation point use. My paltry attempts at Bova-levels of punctuation excitement don’t even come close. Also, it’s Bova. Come on.
NASCAR News
My cousin maybe knows too much about NASCAR, to the point where sometimes I don’t understand anything when he talks. Last time I visited, I asked if a NASCAR anchor was what he wanted to be when he grew up, and he gave me this withering look and said, “I am one already.” Clearly. I don’t know what I was thinking. Anyway, despite not understanding the content at all, I still think his videos are super cute, especially when Mr. Biffle, his dog, or Patricia Ladd, his intrepid cousin, are guest anchors. I can’t wait to say that I knew him when he was producing videos in his garage.
Andrew Coffin Fox’s Kind of Emo Extravaganza of Amazingness!!!!!!!
Andrew is apparently really bad at coming up with titles to draw people in (”Andrew Coffin Fox’s Blog”?) so I helped him out here a little. I know, so much with the helping people. I’ll probably have to skip class to go lie down after this. Andrew is one of the infamous Brothers Fox and may or may not be a time traveler (he always denies it when I mention it; that was my first clue). Sometimes it seems like he’s trying to become a modern day Emily Dickinson, but other times there are comics!! Both are good times. Also, the tales of his epic struggle with his arch nemesis, the University of New Hampshire Academic Calendar! One day, Andrew, one day you will prevail. And look! Even though I bet he will never read this (not everyone is generous and amazing and good at wasting time like me), I’m not even saying anything bad about him. THAT’s helping others right there.
Came to my Senses & I chilled for a bit
We all know about my love for Alex Crompton. Naturally I assume that anyone who can run for SA president on the platform that he’s a better kisser than the other candidates has to have amazing post-college adventures. Unfortunately, he does not update enough so I am forced to imagine what he is doing, which is pretty much just as exciting. If he ever does update, I am sure I will be vindicated in thinking that he is becoming pale and tragic in a Parisian cafe trying to win the affections of a deaf Bulgarian immigrant girl while playing the accordion for change in the echoing tiled tunnels of the city Metro. If not, why not?
Okay. I need to go take someone’s seat on the bus to balance myself out.