Girl With the Dragon Tattoo: Pop Lit Fail

About a year ago I read a book called Why We Read What We Read: A Delightfully Opinionated Journey Through Bestselling Books. I found the analysis interesting, but even more interesting was the fact that I had read almost none of them. Sure, as an English major you’re not allowed to read anything popular within the last one hundred years, but considering my career path and the amount I read, you’d think I would be more familiar with these titles. Sure, I’ve read Harry Potter and Twilight, but I’ve never read a single James Patterson novel. This may be why I’m kind of grasping at straws with this:

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

Clearly I’m way out of touch with the American reading public, because I cannot see the appeal. Granted, I’m only about 80 pages in. So far, it has been painstakingly slow, and mostly about Swedish finances. I don’t really like any of the characters, but I don’t really hate them either. I don’t have emotions about them, but that’s okay because they seem to rarely have emotions themselves. About anything. Someone JUST mentioned a murder, so I’m still debating keeping going. I’m not sure even a possible murder could save this from unrelenting boredom. Everyone tells me it gets good half-way through, but I’m not sure I’m willing to make the effort to get that far.

Which really surprises me. Maybe I’m losing patience with everything else that’s going on, but it surprises me that so many people enjoyed this book when it takes so long to get interesting. From my years reading terrible, over-described literature, I’m keenly aware how to read an incredibly boring book to get through it, and consider myself somewhat good at it, but maybe everyone else is way better at it than I am, because I literally have been procrastinating reading this book by doing work for grad school and that’s an awful sign.

Maybe I will keep trying this weekend. After I clean the apartment. And do all of my work for next week. And there are no other books in the house.

Banned Books 2010: Baby Be-Bop

To kick off my exciting new hobby, I decided to read the book whose entry on the ALA Challenged Book List confused me the most. Here it is in full:

Baby Be-Bop by Francesca Lia Block
Harper Collins
Four Wisconsin men belonging to the Christian Civil Liberties Union (CCLU) sought $30,000 apiece for emotional distress they suffered from the West Bend, Wis. Community Memorial Library (2009) for displaying a copy of the book. The claim states that “specific words used in the book are derogatory and slanderous to all males” and “the words can permeate violence and put one’s life in possible jeopardy, adults and children alike.” The CCLU called for the public burning of this title. Four months later, the library board unanimously voted 9-0 to maintain, “without removing, relocating, labeling, or otherwise restricting access,” this and other books challenged in the young adult section at the West Bend Community Memorial Library.

Here were the two parts that stood out to me the first time I saw this:

$30,000 apiece
public burning

$30,000?? Because the book was on display?? I can hear what you’re thinking. “What ‘specific words’? What can be worth $30,000 just if you happen to glance at it??? This book has got to be straight smut. That deserves to be publicly burned, like a witch or a Beatles record.”

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you my friend. The words

$30,000 apiece

and

public burning

totally got my hopes up. This book did maybe not deserve either of these. Here is the basic plot, although, as a very lyrical novella, the word “plot” is used loosely:

Dirk McDonald knows that he’s gay. He’s known since he was young, when the carefree grandmother who raised him tells him it’s just a phase. He has a crush on his best friend Pup, but their relationship ends when Pup starts to date girls to hide his growing attraction to Dirk. “I love you, Dirk, but I can’t handle it.” Dirk lashes out, hiding his fear at himself and the seemingly cruel world around him by building himself an armor of punk rock persona and losing himself in music and violent dancing. Then one night after he tells some skinheads what he thinks about their swastika tattoos, he gets beaten up. Thus begins the much weirder second part of the book, where, in a weird dream/coma state Dirk’s great grandmother appears and tells him her story, and the story of his grandmother, and of his parents, two beat poets who “let go of life” one night in a car accident. Then at the end of the dream a genie appears and tells him about a man named Duck who, we’re supposed to presume, is his future love interest and reason to cling to life.

Aaaand that plot description was about five times racier than the book actually is. It’s only about 100 pages, and most of that is lyrical description. He doesn’t even say the word “gay” until he admits it to a ghost/hallucination of his father on page 86. There’s no sex, certainly nothing described graphically. Dirk mostly contents himself with yearningly thinking about kissing or just not being alone all the time. The word “faggot” is used a few times, mostly by the skinheads who beat him into unconsciousness. So I can’t really decide what “specific words” are “slanderous to all males”, especially if the people objecting and demanding $30,000 for emotional damage didn’t read the book carefully but only glanced through it since it was on display. Unless ladybugs and butterflies are slanderous to all men, because there WAS an awful lot of bug metaphors. Oh, and symbolic dancing. And beat poetry. So, yeah, public burning totes justified.

Seriously, I can’t even really find any “juicy parts” to quote. Unless you count this passage from the beginning, which is something he imagines while playing with his toy trains:

“He was on a train with the fathers–all naked and cookie-colored and laughing. There under the blasts of warm water spurting from the walls as the train moved slick through the land. All the bunching calf muscles dripping water and biceps full of power comforted Dirk. He tried to see his own father’s face but there was always too much steam.”

Later, he dreams of the same train, but instead of water coming out of the shower heads, it’s deadly, deadly gas. There’s a light sprinkling of anti-Nazism running through the book which seems slightly strange just because it remains unelaborated upon. I liked the language of this book. I was able to read it in about an hour, and it was almost like reading poetry. I was afraid it was going to be an angsty typical teen-problem novel, and, although the themes were similar, it had a very light touch, the exact opposite of the usual heavy-handed teen problem fare.

The worst I can say about it is the cover’s kind of blah:

Banned Books 2010: My New Hobby

To give myself a hobby besides complaining about the irrelevance of grad school, I’ve decided to read every book (well, almost every book) on the ALA’s bibliography of banned and challenged books from May 2009-May 2010. This list, which they’re showcasing for Banned Books Week, is slightly arbitrary, in that it only includes titles written up within the year in Newsletter on Intellectual Freedom, but any banned books list is going to be somewhat arbitrary, as it will only discuss reported instances. I’m going to concentrate on the ones which were challenged in public libraries, since that’s my area of interest, and because I find the morality of most school-challengings somewhat murkier. If someone (usually a parent) wants to restrict all children who may or may not share their own beliefs from access to information, I can listen to their objections, go through the process, and generally fight censorship like the idealistic librarian I am. It’s when students are forced to read certain titles in class that I am slightly more uncomfortable. I personally can’t picture myself ever getting uppity over a required text, but I can understand the motivations of people who do. They just want what they think is best for their kids–as opposed to the public library cases, where they just want what they think is best for everyone’s kids. Natch I also don’t agree with helicopter parents constantly overriding teachers’ authority and judgement, and I’m happy to see that in a lot of instances discussed on this year’s list, everyone was content after alternative titles were made available if students decided to choose them instead.

A few titles on the list were challenged because parents thought that they were too easy for minors to get their hands on them on the library shelves. These include:

Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort
Sex for Busy People: the Art of the Quickie for Lovers on the Go by Emily Dubberly
Lesbian Karma Sutra by Kat Harding
Mastering Multiple Position Sex by Eric Garrison
The Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein

In most of these cases, the library involved decided to implement special library cards for minors which would only allow children to check out restricted titles with parents’ permission rather than remove the books from their catalog. I’m sorry to report that I will not be reading these titles as part of the challenge, partially because my library owns only Joy of Sex for whatever reason, partially because of the massive Check Out Embarrassment Factor (no, librarians are not immune), and also because I am way more interested in the children’s/YA titles on the list. Also, I will not be looking at:

Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, which was “pulled from the Menifee, California Union School District [this year] because a parent complained when a child came across the term ‘oral sex’. Officials said the district is forming a committee to consider a permanent classroom ban of the dictionary.”

Maybe it’s been awhile since these people were kids, because I’m shocked that they can’t remember that looking up dirty words is practically what the dictionary is for until you start studying for the SATs and need to know what adjuration means.

Anyway, I’m sure I will think up other credible excuses why I can’t read things as this project progresses. Each review will include a brief summary, why it was challenged, if I think it really should have been, and a mostly fabricated list of other reasons why I think the book might offend you (including awful cover art). I will try to include quotes of the juicy parts so you don’t even have to read it for yourself to find them!

Weekend Book Roundup: The Lost Conspiracy and Skulduggery Pleasant

This weekend was pretty awesome as far as books go. First I read:

The Lost Conspiracy by Frances Hardinge

The Lost Conspiracy by Frances Hardinge

Which I decided to read since I liked Fly By Night so much. As always, Hardinge’s world-building is superb, this time bringing us to the island of Gullstruck, covered in jungles and slave to the whims of its many volcanoes. From many of the native tribes on the island come the peculiar Lost, a group of people whose senses are not tied to their bodies and who can therefore send their sight or hearing drifting miles away from them at will. Hathin thinks she occupies one of the lowliest places in this world in her starving village, one of the hated and feared Lace Tribe. It’s her job to make sure no one ever finds out that her sister, Arilou, famed as the only Lost among the Lace, is not really Lost at all, but “wander-witted”. Or is she? This point becomes especially murky when all of the other Lost mysteriously die at the same time one night, and everyone blames the Lace and Arilou in particular. Hathin and Arilou flee their village to trek all over Gullstruck fleeing their enemies (an evil traveling dentist; racial prejudice) and amassing allies (a group of revenge-seekers; an elephant bird; a governor who’s a little too obsessed with sacrificing ridiculous things to his ancestors, like soap; volcanoes). I don’t think I identified with the characters as much as in Fly By Night but the sense of place was well worth the read.

You should read this book if:
1) You sometimes feel totally invisible in favor of a sibling
2) You like your messages about racial prejudice in an exciting format
3) Sentient volcanoes!

Next up:

Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy

Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy


I liked this, but I also felt like the book I was reading was three drafts away from being complete and I would like the final copy a lot better. This is the first in a series, so maybe I should read the sequel and see how I feel. Basically, Stephanie is a normal 12-year-old when her uncle dies suddenly and leaves her his house and fortune. It’s there that she meets some men who are trying to kill her for unclear reasons and one of her uncle’s old friends named Skulduggery Pleasant. He’s a mage, private detective, and skeleton. They end up on a quest through Dublin’s magical underbelly to save the world from an evil maniac sorcerer who wants to use your basic Magical Doomsday Device to bring back Evil Ancient Gods Who Want to Destroy Humanity. The Good Part: Skulduggery Pleasant is pretty bitchin. The Bad Part: Stephanie is the main character. It’s generally a good choice to not write a book from the point of view of your most kickass character, but you can tell that Landy really, really wants to, to the point where you have something I’m titling the “Watson-Holmes Effect”. Holmes is clearly the superstar of that pairing, until the point where Watson is hardly even a character anymore in terms of plot, but rather someone who can remark often about how great Holmes is. Also, Stephanie is annoying. I can’t tell if I would have thought so when I was in this book’s target age group or not, but I think so. She’s the particular kind of irritating that some people think makes them sound precocious and mature. Also, there is a point where you can have TOO MUCH banter (shocking, I know).

You should read this book if:
1) Terry Pratchett’s books about Death are your favorite
2) You are all about unattributed dialogue
3) You have always dreamed of choosing your own name

OH RIGHT. That’s the other thing. So in this world, you have three names. The name you were born with, which you probably don’t know but would recognize on some unconscious level, the name you were given, what your parents named you, and the name you chose. A fake name you made up that protects your other two names from being used in spells against you. The name is also supposed to be some kind of reflection of who you are deep inside or something. Hence Skulduggery Pleasant, Nefarian Serpine, China Sorrows, Mr. Bliss, Ghastly Bespoke etc. Guess which one is the bad guy. And when dear Stephanie finally gets around to choosing one for herself: Valkyrie Cain. I bet there are real people out there named Valkyrie, but I also would be unable to take them seriously. Unless they were also a Warrior Mage Princess Sparklpire Unicorn-Riding French-Speaker. Who was a mermaid.

However, on the plus side, I cannot stop thinking about ridiculous things I should name myself. You know, if Pladd is out.

Book Review: Kids’ Letters to Harry Potter

I can’t decide how I feel about one of the books I checked out this weekend, Bill Adler’s Kids’ Letters to harry Potter from Around the World:
And yet there's not a "Kids' Letters to Lady Orville"

On the one hand, I think the idea of publishing random letters children write to anyone is awesome, double points for fictional characters, but I also think Bill Adler handled it sort of weirdly. My main gripe is that interspersed throughout the letters in the book were random black and white drawings of Random Fantasy Creatures 24-37 from Lisa Frank‘s An October of Orcs collection. Since they didn’t even remotely resemble Harry Potter characters/creatures, I began to suspect that someone deep in the production process of this book was only vaguely aware of what Harry Potter is actually about.

In all, there were about three kinds of letters in this book. Here are some examples I made up just now:

Letter Type 1: The Compulsive Questioner
Dear Harry,
How are you? How are Ron and Hermione? Tell them Hi from me. How is Professor Dumbledore? How is Hagrid? Are the Dursleys still being mean to you? Is Snape still taking points away from Gryffindor? Have you taught Neville to remember the common room passwords yet? Have you heard from Sirius? How are Fred and George? How did you feel when [insert plot of an entire Harry Potter book of your choice]? Please write back soon with the answers to my questions!
Sincerely,
Inquisitive Child

PS: Sorry I couldn’t send this by owl. My owl’s broken.

Letter Type 2: The Stalker
Dear Harry,
How has your summer been? I hope the Dursleys aren’t locking you in your room again and that you can spend time with Ron and his family. You don’t even know who I am!!! My name is Megan and I’m a muggle from America. You are probably wondering how I even know you! Don’t worry about it.
Were you scared when Professor Trelawney predicted your death? Why don’t you just quit like Hermione? I like Hermione best because she is smart and amazing, just like me. You are my second favorite, though. Are four poster beds comfortable? Does Neville snore? How annoying does that get? You are probably wondering how I know all this about you, but don’t worry, I don’t spy on you at school or anything.
Saving your toenail clippings,
Stalker Child

PS: Sorry I couldn’t send this by owl. I’ll just leave it on your pillow.

Letter Type 3: The Fanfiction Sorceress
Dear Harry,
How are you? I’m fine. My muggle name is Anne, but I am really a very powerful sorceress named Zenella Araminta Arabellanna. I have long silver hair and sparkling blue eyes. I always wear beautiful blue dresses and silver shoes to match my hair and my eyes change color when I have different emotions, or just to match my clothes. I go to school at a wizard academy you probably haven’t heard of. It flies around in the air, and we all ride dragons to class. I am Head Girl and also Captain of my Quidditch Team where I am a seeker just like you. I am part mermaid and also part veela! Do you have any pets? I have a pet unicorn and a pet phoenix. Their names are Midnight Shadows and Sky Dancer. Maybe I will be an exchange student to Hogwarts soon and I will meet you. We will have to play Quidditch against each other!! I will probably beat you, but then we can go on a date.
Perfectly Yours,
Mary Sue

PS: Sorry I couldn’t send this by owl. My owl died. I think Sky Dancer and Midnight Shadows ate it for being too normal.

A Weekend of Book Love

My strategy for picking out books to read is pretty haphazard. Usually on Thursday after 6pm, the last time I’m working at the library before the weekend, I wander around and randomly grab things based on cover art and if I can vaguely remember someone mentioning them to me at some point. I know this isn’t a very librarian way of selecting my weekend reading, and I swear that I do have actual book lists, but they seem to exist in a kind of space time vortex which makes them immediately accessible at all times EXCEPT when I am actually looking for books.

Anyway, because of these entirely uninformed habits, it always kind of amazes me when I pick out a book I genuinely really like. And this weekend I read TWO. It was craziness.

Up first:

Fly By Night by Frances Hardinge

Fly By Night by Frances Hardinge

The first chapter of this book features misfit 12-year-old Mosca rescuing a conman from the stocks in exchange for employment, stealing a homicidal goose, and burning down her uncle’s mill. The conman, after various failed attempts at trying to lose her, eventually leads her into a world of disputed kingship, guild war and espionage, heavy censorship, and religious confusion. It’s not just Hardinge’s intensely detailed world-building, but Mosca and the reader are never really sure who’s on what side until the very end, which makes for exciting dramatic reveals. My favorite part was a Robin Hood-like escape turned sea battle between floating coffee houses. Also that the Guild of Stationers threatened to fight a battle by stabbing rival guildsmen with pens and crushing them underneath printing presses. Also: homicidal goose consistently saves the day. Come on.

You should read this book if:
1) Brave New World and 1984 are too old and serious but you want the same kind of message
2) You like characters who are mostly disreputable but sometimes decide to do the right thing, you know, just to keep people guessing
3) HOMICIDAL GOOSE

Then, as if that weren’t enough book love for one weekend, I also got:

China Mieville's Un Lun Dun

China Mieville's Un Lun Dun

The only thing I don’t like about this book is that the girl on the cover looks kind of freaky, especially at night, so I always had to keep it cover-down when not reading.

Un Lun Dun is basically Alice in Wonderland on speed. After a series of weird and unexplainable events, Zanna and her friend Deebra follow a sentient umbrella to a strange parallel-London, an “abcity”, called UnLondon, where things from the real London go after they’ve become “moderately obsolete” or have just fallen through the cracks. Zanna is greeted by the strange inhabitants as some kind of mythical hero who will deliver them from their greatest enemy, a sentient form of smog banished from London after the Clean Air Act, but it eventually falls to Deebra to go on a bizarre quest with the help of a boy who’s half-ghost, a tailor with a pincushion for a head who makes clothes out of book pages, a bus conductor and his flying bus, and a sentient milk carton. Also, KILLER GIRAFFES. Here’s an excerpt:

“They’ve done a good job making people believe that those hippy refugees in the zoo are normal giraffes. Next you’ll tell me that they’ve got long necks so they can reach high leaves! Nothing to do with waving the bloody skins of their victims like flags, of course. There’s a lot of animals very good at that sort of disinformation. There are no cats in UnLondon, for example, because they’re not magic and mysterious at all, they’re idiots.”–Busconductor Jones pg. 53

And, as if that weren’t enough, China Mieville also does his own illustrations:

A Binja!

A Binja!

This and other illustrations (including the homicidal giraffes) can be found here.

This was definitely the best book I’ve read in a long time, and not just because they mention Extreme Librarians or Bookaneers. You should read this book if:
1) You are alive.

Book Reviews: Bones of Faerie

While out of town, I brought along, among other things, Janni Lee Simner’s Bones of Faerie.

Using the currently popular Twilightesque cover art style of "something vague on black"

Using the currently popular Twilightesque cover art style of "something vague on black"

Naturally, I chose this for the cover art. I’m ashamed to admit it, but the Twilight art style works on me. Part of me thinks half the reason for Twilight‘s popularity is its cover art (despite the fact that it is blatant false advertising).

So maybe my selection process (judging a book by its cover) was the one thing traditional librarian archetypes are urging us NEVER to do (that, and to use our library voices), so I shouldn’t have expected too much. I will say this, the premise of the book was pretty baller. There aren’t nearly enough stories about killer trees in this world. I think the main problem with this book is that I felt like I was reading a sequel to a much better book that I’d rather be reading instead. Here’s the sitch:
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Book Review: The Forest of Hands and Teeth

I first heard about this book from this award-winning book trailer for it:

I was terrified. But, since it was pretty much about zombies, I knew I would be forced to read it through my own drive to be an expert on something that scares me.
forest-hands-teeth2

It turned out to be more creepy than gory. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic Earth where the dead have been attacking for so long that the way things were before “the Return” has been almost forgotten. Mary lives in a village protected by what essentially are chain link fences, with the dead coming out of the surrounding forest every day to moan through them. Her village is led by “the Sisters”, a secretive religious group that seeks to keep the village population ignorant of any world outside the fences for their own good, claiming that the village is all that’s left of humanity. Then the fences are breached and Mary, her brother, his wife (who’s been bitten), Harry (Mary’s betrothed), Travis (the guy Mary is totally in love with and everyone knows it), and Cass (Mary’s BFF and Travis’ betrothed) escape into the woods beyond the fences with an adorable puppy and your typical Orphaned By Zombies Waif. Mary is intent on finding the ocean, while everyone else tells her she’s crazy and freaks out.

The language of the book is what I think gives it its creepiness. The zombies are always referred to as “the Unconsecrated”, giving the entire thing weirdly religious overtones. The division between humans and the unconsecrated is also more blurred than in other zombie works. In the first few chapters, Mary’s mother sees Mary’s father return to the fences as one of the Unconsecrated and throws herself towards him, getting bitten through the interlacing metal. The Sisters give her a choice of being killed by their guards before the infection spreads (the logical zombie option) or being released into the forest to join the Unconsecrated and her husband. Mary’s mother chooses to join her husband and Mary, while watching her mother convulse with zombification, suddenly starts wondering if she should have dressed her more warmly, if her mother will finally know the answers to the questions she seeks, if the Unconsecrated know something she doesn’t. Because the timing of the book is so far after the Return, the Unconsecrated aren’t viewed with the same horror and Kill-Them-All attitude as in other works where they just begin to rise. To the people of Mary’s village, they’re just part of life, and no reason to interrupt the melodrama of ridiculous love triangles.

There’s a sequel, which I think is about Mary’s daughter (yeah, she, at least, lives) called The Dead-Tossed Waves. It’s also been recently announced that they’re making a movie, maybe starring Kristen Stewart. I cannot wait for all the needless dramatic pausing and intense blinking action.

Book Reviews: Maureen Johnson’s Devilish

I am a tentative fan of Maureen Johnson. Her books usually have some sort of gimmick to separate them from normal trashy teen high school drama, but sometimes the careful balance between the gimmick and the angsty melodrama is upset and both seem annoying. I’m mainly thinking of:

13 Little Blue Envelopes

13 Little Blue Envelopes


The premise is a cool international scavenger hunt set up by the main character’s dead aunt, which sounds awesome, but the main character spends most of the trip being angsty so it was kind of disappointing.

Not so with her 2006 release, Devilish.
devilish

Jane Jarvis, the main character, is smart, loud, and takes no crap, especially if someone is trying to dish it out to her shyer, more awkward best friend Ally. So when Ally shows up one morning cooler, prettier, more confident, it’s almost like she’s sold her soul to a demon to gain the popularity high school girls crave most. And then it turns out she so totally did. The demon turns out to be posing as Lanalee, a sophomore girl with an insatiable lust for cupcakes, who agrees to Jane’s wager to save her friend’s soul. Luckily, some of the nuns at Jane’s private school turn out to be demon hunters who help her on her quest to fight the increasingly dark powers present at school and save her own soul.

This book is the perfect mix of highschool popularity drama and supernatural comedy. Jane’s voice is sarcastic and mature, not annoyingly pandering to a perceived superficial audience like many young adult novels. I would recommend this book to anyone who likes:

1) Demons
2) Snarkiness
3) Lots of cupcakes
4) All kinds of sacrilege
5) Kick Ass Nuns

Luckily, I’m a fan of all five.
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The Plaid Pladd Blog: A New Lease On Life

It’s sad but true: I do not have the adventures I once did. More to the point, I don’t have the time to do semi-strange things and then blow them entirely out of proportion until Josh Langsfeld is saving me from being knifed on a Houston city bus, etc. Since I’m actually working at a public library this summer, I thought I would have plenty of ridiculous stories to tell about crazy people who come in to hide amongst the stacks and loudly shout Star Wars quotes at random intervals (Seminole Community Library, Summer ’06) or the secret soup of library drama boiling in the backroom and behind every desk (Seminole Community Library, AT ALL TIMES). Unfortunately, the library I’m working at appears to be dangerously and unprecedentedly normal. The weirdest story I have is that Wednesday a woman asked me for nail clippers and then seemed sad that the library didn’t have those. Seriously, I can’t compete with The Road Trip with this.

In place of adventures, here is what I do with my time, ordered roughly in how much time I spend on it:

1. Complaining about grad school’s total inadequacy
2. Working at the public library
3. Working on my summer course in management
4. Reading
5. Cooking

Complaining gets top billing because I can pretty much do it while simultaneously doing any of those other things, plus while doing almost anything else (I’m a Tenth Level Whiny Complainer). Working at the public library is awesome, but has the aforementioned Lack of Crazy problems. My summer course’s goal seems to be to mention libraries as little as possible and to have as little to do with my actual life and job goals as it can, thus providing excellent fodder for #1, but not much help in the Cool Things To Blog About arena. That leaves reading (I work at a library) and cooking, two things which I usually don’t blog about because I see them as not of interest to my legions of fans, with a few exceptions. This is going to change.