You guys. You guys. You guys.

I totally just found a website where you can make your own Twilight book!!!!

It’s called “Teen Book By You”. Basically, you tell them the girl character’s name and what color her hair is and the guy character’s name and what color his hair is, and then they mail you a copy of the book that you wrote!! And by wrote, I mean filled in five boxes. Natch the book isn’t the “real” Twilight. It’s called First Bite, and it’s about a klutzy highschool girl who falls in love with a vampire. I did the “preview this book” function, which you should definitely check out. At first I decided to fill in the names with professors at Rice, so that Jane Chance and Dr. Dodds’ dramatic yet secret love story could finally be told. Then I decided that I’ve been so mean to Brian Reinhart on my blog over the past year that it’s definitely time to put forth an olive branch. An olive branch consisting of him realizing his true love for Edward Cullen.

“Did you enjoy the party?” Brian tilted her head and reached up a hand to remove her earrings as she watched Edward in the mirror. That’s another myth gone. His reflection’s as visible as mine.
“Let me,” Edward whispered, circling her ear with one night-cool finger. “Ah, the party. It was interesting. Your friend Rory has a great deal of energy.”
“That’s one way to put it! No fear, no speedometer, no brakes. That’s what she’d say.” Brian smiled fondly. “She’s a good friend.”
“Yes.” He looked deep into the mirror, seeing something she could not find; he forgot to pretend to breathe, lost in thought. Brian waited, curious and concerned, idly admiring the line of his jaw, the sparkle of his black eyes.
A slow nod signaled his return to the moment. “Rory has suspicions about me. About what I am.”
Brian froze. “Are you sure?”
“She seems to have held her ideas for quite some time, on little evidence. Is she one of those who romanticizes my kind? There are many who seem strangely fascinated with my fictional brethren.”
“Well, Rory likes vampire flicks, but she’s no Goth.What exactly did she say?”
Edward repeated the conversation verbatim. “As I said, she has little evidence, but still she persists in her conviction, and I cannot argue. She is, after all, correct about what I do.”
Brian stared at him. “Edward?” Her voice was high and soft. “Would you show me? I mean…what you do? How you feed?”
“I would rather not.” Her face fell, and he had to look away. “If you feel it necessary, I shall. When you are certain. Not until then.” Gentle as the brush of a shadow, he stroked her cheek, kissed her, and vanished into the night, leaving her alone.
Brian lay awake long into the night, falling finally into a restless, dream-haunted sleep about Edward where each ray of sunshine coming through the windows was first his touch, then a brand of fire, alternately pleasure and pain. She woke, sweating and chilled, wondering why she didn’t just turn and run away….

Naturally the problem with this is that, gender confusion aside, it’s better written than the real Twilight. Luckily, for further hilarity, the same website also offers another book called Prom and Prejudice. I assume you can guess what it’s based off of.
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