Full disclosure: I read this book over a month ago and did not take notes because, at the time, Brian seemed like he was not serious about reading it for Hate Book Club. Then Brian wrote a fancy for real article on it, and also a Hate Book Club review that you should totally go read. So this review will be more about what actually sticks with you from The Situation’s ghost-written words of wisdom over time.
As always, I’ll begin my review with three nice things about the book:
1. It included a lasagna recipe!!!
2. It included a sewing pattern!
3. It had a ridiculous fairy tale called “Grenadilocks and the 3 Abs” that was basically a parody of itself
I’ve never seen an episode of the Jersey Shore, which is probably a prerequisite for really understanding this book. However, I have watched all five episodes of Jersey Shore Gone Wilde, the youtube series where Importance of Being Earnest actors read lines from The Jersey Shore, so I felt I was semi-prepared.
I can’t remember if the book includes a glossary, but it should, because The Situation introduces you to a whole new vocabulary. “Grenades” are women who are going to wreck your chances of having sex with other women, for instance. “GTL” is the important, almost ritualistic routine The Situation adheres to: Gym, Tanning, Laundry.
The gender politics in this book were hella offensive, of course, but it was also just plain silly. An extensive section detailed how to GTL if lost in the wilderness, including improvising free weights from logs and woodland creatures, and using your car’s mirrors to aid in tanning. There was a sewing pattern which you could use to make your own little ab pillow to cuddle up to at night if you aren’t “lucky” enough to be sleeping with The Situation. I don’t know why the pattern is for a single ab and not a six-pack.
The only other thing I really remember is that he constantly referred to sex as “smooshing,” which hopefully does not speak to his sexual prowess because that sounds really unappealing. Like being slowly crushed to death by The Blob.
I searched my files for any notes I may have taken on this book, but all I found was this single screenshot:
In all, this book seemed to sort of be making fun of itself, which is interesting, because it might mean that The Situation is more self-aware than seems possible. Or his ghost writer is. Either way, I didn’t hate this book as much as I thought. It benefited hugely from my low expectations and the fact that I paid $0 for it. My reaction gif is therefore:
Since I can’t remember a lot of this book, I decided to make my requisite chart based on the Amazon/Goodreads reviews, which varied pretty significantly:
Previously: The Natural