Archive for April, 2015

Disney Villains Ranked by Scariness

I already ranked the Disney princesses, so I figured it was time to rank Disney villains, whom I tend to like more anyway!

Methodology: I started by ranking “Best Villain” but there’s so many facets to that, so I ultimately went with “Who scares me more?” This criteria was also difficult because a lot of these villains scared the shit out of me as a child, but, from my current viewpoint, less showy ones now seem far more sinister. So I ended up with a weird mix as I tried to take both scales of scariness into account.

Sample Size: I used as my sample size the villains listed as “Official list of Disney villains in franchise marketing“. But some of those were discounted through lameness and me not being able to remember them.

Disney Villains Ranked by Scariness

17. Mother Gothel (Tangled)

If this were a contest of Worst Disney Mother... she actually still wouldn't win

If this were a contest of Worst Disney Mother… she actually still wouldn’t win

Mother Gothel is not scary. She doesn’t really have powers. Her only goal is to stay alive. Yeah, she baby-naps Rapunzel, but then she… raises her as her own? She’s not a great mom, but that’s hardly terrifying, or unheard of in the Disney canon.

16. Captain Hook (Peter Pan

+5 points for style, though

+5 points for style, though

Captain Hook is a lot more bloodthirsty than Mother Gothel, so at least he’s got that going for him, scariness-wise. But he’s more silly and sad than anything else. Dude has serious PTSD from his brush with crocodile-death, and he can’t even manage to kill a bunch of children, so…

15. Dr. Facilier (Princess and the Frog)

I feel like this dude would be a lot higher if I'd seen this movie as an actual child

I feel like this dude would be a lot higher if I’d seen this movie as an actual child

Dr. Facilier or the Shadow Man is definitely creepy, and he has hoodoo spirit friends! He tricks you into making deals with him, and then uses his jazz age dance magic voodoo to trap you in ironic ways. I definitely would not want to cross him! But he doesn’t really have any power of his own; it all comes from his “friends on the other side”, who are quick to turn on him at the end.

14. Hades (Hercules)

But he might be at the top of People I Would Invite to my Birthday Party

But he might be at the top of People I Would Invite to my Birthday Party

We all know Hades is amazing, but he’s so funny that I rarely found him scary, even as a kid. However, he definitely has power (he’s a god!) and his plans to unleash the titans and rule the entire world would definitely cause a heavy body count.

13. Lady Tremaine (Cinderella)

Also she literally named her cat after Satan

Also she literally named her cat after Satan

It seems dumb to put Cinderella’s step mom above Hades and Dr. Facilier on the list of scariness, but I can’t help it. I saw this movie when I was a lot younger, and I still remember being intensely creeped out by her. Something about her giant weird hair and her voice. And maybe even at that age psychological cruelty seemed scarier than someone hitting you.

12. Professor Ratigan (The Great Mouse Detective)

Pictured here in his scariest moment

Pictured here in his scariest moment

As a child, this dude was terrifying. Also, he was voiced by Vincent Price! But even Child-Me knew that he was just a rat, and I could probably step on him if he tried to be creepy near me.

11. Jafar (Aladdin)

Damn, those shoulder pads are on point

Damn, those shoulder pads are on point

The scariest thing about this movie is by far the Cave of Wonders, so Jafar already comes in second place in his own film. I think Iago the Comic Relief Parrot may also have detracted from his creepiness. Although he came a lot closer to his goals than a lot of Disney villains, so props for that, Jafar.

10. Scar (The Lion King)

I stupidly google-imaged just the word "scar" and that page might have been scarier than him

I stupidly google-imaged just the word “scar” and that page might have been scarier than him

Like Jafar, Scar’s scariness factor is inhibited by his comic relief hyenas always hanging around. The final fight scene between him and Simba was pretty scary as a child, but I think even then movies with anthropomorphic animals didn’t scare me as much because they didn’t seem as real. Like, I’m never going to meet a lion. Scar and his political machinations are happening far away from me.

9. Cruella de Vil (101 Dalmations)

cruelladevil

I saw this movie young, which helps up the scariness, but Cruella de Vil is still pretty terrifying as an adult. A lot of these other villains want power for themselves and their family, which I can kind of understand, but Cruella wants to murder puppies. You guys. Is there a more evil motive?

8. Claude Frollo (Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Pictured here rolling his eyes with maximum sass

Pictured here rolling his eyes with maximum sass

Frollo is creepy, especially as an adult. His staunch religious convictions and focus on guilt and sin are the kind of attitudes that started atrocities like the Inquisition, after all. He ranks so high because he feels so real. History is littered with dudes like Frollo who are so inflamed with the supposed righteousness of their cause that they mow down innocent people without any remorse. Who believe that it’s the right thing to do. Scar and Jafar know they are the bad guys. Frollo thinks he’s the hero, and I think that’s what makes him more real and also more terrifying.

7. Prince Hans (Frozen)

But how could a guy with a horse BFF be bad??

But how could a guy with a horse BFF be bad??

I still can’t believe Disney had the balls to pull this amazing plot twist that also mocks the ridiculousness of some of their past canon (“You’re going to marry a guy you JUST MET?”). Prince Hans is hot and charming, and knows how to work those things to make people trust him. He tries to manipulate his way to power, and he’s way better at it than Jafar because he’s an attractive white guy instead of a racist caricature. You know Jafar is evil immediately because you’ve been socially conditioned to think brown dude+black clothes+facial hair+turban=EVIL SO EVIL. But Prince Hans never gets stopped by airport security, and he knows it. Like Frollo, this dude is too real, and that makes him dangerous.

6. Ursula(The Little Mermaid)

Eat your heart out

Eat your heart out

Ursula will wreck you. She’s a powerful witch, she has minions at least as creepy as she is, and she definitely doesn’t play fair when you come to make a bargain with her. Her lair is guarded by the rotting remains of her past victims, and the final fight where she becomes gigantic gave me nightmares as a child.

5. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)

Can't touch this

Can’t touch this

I’m only judging based on the original animated movie, not the new Angelina Jolie version. Maleficent is hella powerful and hella touchy. Don’t invite her to your party? CURSE YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE. Try to break that curse? DRAGON! DRAGON IN YOUR FACE! Plus, even her non-shape-changed look is scary. Maleficent doesn’t mess around.

4. Queen Grimhilde (Snow White)

Lesson: do not trust the elderly

Lesson: do not trust the elderly

Okay, I feel like almost all of this is coming from the scene near the end of the movie where the dwarves are chasing her up the rocky hill in the lightning storm, she tries to maneuver a giant boulder down on top of them, and then lightning strikes and she falls screaming to her death only for creepy vultures to start circling almost immediately. That is some creepy stuff for a kid. Plus, the Snow White ride at Disney World didn’t help.

3. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)

+5 points for being especially good at expactorating

+5 points for being especially good at expactorating

You already know a guy like Gaston. He’s kind of stupid, supremely arrogant, and too powerful. He’s had privileges all his life, people telling him how great he is, until now when he can’t see when he’s wrong. If some girl doesn’t want him, his reaction is to imprison her father and kill her boyfriend. Gaston would be a rapist if Disney movies weren’t rated PG.

2. Shan Yu (Mulan)

And that hawk is no cutesy Iago, let me tell you

And that hawk is no cutesy Iago, let me tell you

Shan Yu and his army are a terrifying force of nature. Even the animation style shows them in stark contrast to the good guys in the movie. They have no comic relief, no bumbling, no humanizing elements at all. Their motivation is simply to destroy, and it takes more than an avalanche to defeat them. They excel at both stealth and wholesale slaughter. Shan Yu is a stone cold villain, and it’s the first Disney movie I can remember that dealt with such a large body count so visibly.

1. Chernabog (Fantasia)

fantasia

You knew this was going to be at the top. This dude is a giant death demon the size of a mountain with an army of skeletal ghosts. Case closed, he is the scariest.

Previously: Disney Princesses

Mom Ladd Guilt Post

Two days ago I was talking to my mom and she said, “You know you haven’t updated your blog in a while.” And I was like, “That is not even one of my goals this year. In fact, I made a goal specifically so that other people would do it for me.” But Mom Guilt is a powerful force, so today I decided to post every picture I currently have on my phone, with explanations I’m attempting to remember.

This is Steven drinking a bloody mary at one of the restaurants on my list. He said it was amazing.

This is Steven drinking a bloody mary at one of the restaurants on my list. He said it was amazing.

This is my apartment complex's gym. I have no idea why I took a picture of it

This is my apartment complex’s gym. I have no idea why I took a picture of it

This is the dessert course from tea at the Umstead!!! Probably from when Brian was here?

This is the dessert course from tea at the Umstead!!! Probably from when Brian was here?

LOL this is from when I said "Brian, sit on that thing and I'll take a picture of you" AND HE DID IT

LOL this is from when I said “Brian, sit on that thing and I’ll take a picture of you” AND HE DID IT

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Treasures of Pinterest (aka- How NOT to suck at Gift Projects)

This month’s guest post was written by my sister-in-law, Melissa! She always gives creative homemade gifts! Enjoy!–PLADD

Evening…ya’ll?

So to follow in the footsteps of Mom Ladd- when my darling Sister-in-law asked if I would be a guest blogger on here, at first I thought, ‘heck yes, this will be awesome! There are so many things I can write about!’. Then the feeling of pressure and dread crept in on many levels and I realized that while yes, this was awesome- I mean, the infamous Plaid Pladd Blog is nothing to be scoffed at, it was also sort of stressful since I would be writing something that would no doubt be judged by people much smarter than myself and thus writing anything that immediately jumps to mind would probably end in nothing but chagrin and a shriveled up IQ (also a supreme lack of cool points from the aforementioned SIL). I tend to the academic side of things just asking questions because I’m curious, but I doubt anybody wants to hear me ramble about the psychological and sociological implications of the BDSM community (no NOT the 50 shades version, thank Heaven), or the origin of Antisemitism, or legal practices in the Deaf Community, or the fact that you can now get served divorce papers via Facebook (!?!?!), or even Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 28 Op. 101  that just took up the last month of my life. No, you probably don’t want to read about any of those things.

Having said that, rather than giving into fear and backing out due to my lack of life from a seemingly never ending Music Literature course, I decided instead to do an overview of things you can do from pinterest that make pretty snazzy gifts. Adventure awaits- Enjoy!

 

Behold, a treasure trove of tantalizing tactile time wasters!

Behold, a treasure trove of tantalizing tactile time wasters!

 

This isn’t really to say that I have an unholy amount of copious free time, though around the holidays and in summer time I suppose I have had more time that usual… Anyways- most of you have at least heard of Pinterest as a crafting or interest hub where just about anything can be found. If not, you have most definitely heard jokes or seen silly articles on the many poor souls that thought they could master something deceptively tricky on the first go. Thankfully, the only things I have ever experienced in that department include smoothly decorating cake balls (I hate them… -_- ) and tie-dying fingernails with a water technique (t-total mess failure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyXtkEmopnA  )

Though it is true I have spent more time on this site than is strictly necessary, what can I say: I’m a hoarder for recipes and craft ideas. This brings me to the meat of today’s scheduled babble: Craft time!

My Dad is great with math and wood working, Steve rocks a computer and isn’t totally incompetent in the kitchen, Mom sews like a beast, and now Tricia does everything with knitting needles I could never get the hang of, so I suppose it falls on me to be the jack of all trades in random crafting areas. I love to learn new things and try different techniques- especially when it means I already have Christmas, Birthday, or other special occasion gifts checked off. Personally I’d rather do homemade/personal gifts but c’est la vie- to each their own. In honor of that- let’s visit some favorites of mine.

 

#1: Anything to do with Mod Podge.
Super easy MP craft examples: magnets, coasters, and image transfers.

 

Behold: Crafting glue from Heaven.

Crafting glue from Heaven.

 

So far, I think I’ve stuck to relatively “basic” MP crafts, but they seem to have gone over pretty well. Don’t get me wrong- I’m not ridiculously gifted with any of this, but I think most people just make it out to be harder than it needs to be. There are SO MANY types of this stuff ($$$) out there, you can do just about anything from resurfacing shoes, to sealing outdoor furniture (and probably your average car…), and of course creating fun little crafts or gifts for any age. This stuff stinks so I don’t think anyone is ever in any danger of “eating the paste”, but hey, messy crafts are for big kids too, dangit!

 

First: Magnets

Don't judge my love of bumpersticker .jpgs

Don’t judge my love of bumpersticker .jpgs

These are super simple. Once upon a time many updates ago, Facebook had this fun little app called Bumperstickers. I used to share these pics back and forth with friends on a daily basis, and some of them were just too clever to lose when the app inevitably disappeared (as everything fun tends to do on FB). I saved most of mine and knew that one day I would craft with them- enter pinterest.

Necessities:

  1. Pictures cut down to size (2×2) and printed
  2. Equally sized canvases (get them at Michaels or Hobby Lobby)
  3. ModPodge and cheap foam brush
  4. Small magnets
  5. Hot glue/gun

You can obviously do this with any size photo or graphic, I just wanted to make magnets because these seemed perfect for the occasion. Print out your photos and cut them down to size. For me, since these weren’t being reverse transferred, I just had to slather everything down and wait. It can get sticky and take some patience, but really, no sweat. Coat your canvas or mounting surface well with MP, then align your photo on top and press down, smoothing as you go to make sure there are no air bubbles under the surface. Once your photo is thoroughly adhered, coat the top with another layer or two of MP and smooth it all over. Just make sure all of your edges are firmly pressed down and coated or things will peel and be ruined in the end. I personally liked to use the glossy finish for this kind of thing, but again- to each his (or her) own. When they’re all dry, turn them over and glue a magnet onto the back and voila! Quippy magnets!!  These of course are perfect to decorate your own home, or to give to friends or decorate the community fridge at work just to spice things up a bit. I toss them into care packages and gift boxes to surprise people and it never fails to be fun… unless you have one of the new refrigerators that isn’t actually capable of holding magnets on its stupid shiny surfaces… but I’m not bitter… grumble…


 

Next: Photo Coasters for all Occasions
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