What the Fashion: Waiting Room Critic

So I volunteer driving people who can’t drive to their medical appointments, and usually I just sit around in the waiting room reading a book. However, this one amazing lady who I drive pretty regularly brought the latest issue of Elle for me to read last time, perhaps because I usually show up in a t-shirt and zip-up hoodie. Are you trying to tell me something, Mrs. J? So I felt obligated to look through the magazine and see what tips I could glean about how to be more fashionable. I got a few weird looks from the other people in the waiting room, as I flipped through this giant magazine, laughed alot, and snapped pictures of different pages with my cellphone. Their attitude will change next time when I show up looking like:

It's like someone skinned a Lisa Frank tiger for its hideous neon coat

It’s like someone skinned a Lisa Frank tiger for its hideous neon coat

A gigantic coat that'll still leave your arms cold because the sleeves are mainly decorative (I guess?)

A gigantic coat that’ll still leave your arms cold because the sleeves are mainly decorative (I guess?)

Also, hammer pants are back!!!

Also, hammer pants are back!!!

Well, they are

Well, they are

But can they really compare to these sheer harem pants with embroidery around the ankles?

But can they really compare to these sheer harem pants with embroidery around the ankles?

Or this skirt made of plastic spoons?

Or this skirt made of plastic spoons?

Or this coat made of wallpaper from the 1970s?

Or this coat made of wallpaper from the 1970s?

This one just looks like you got dressed in the dark, drunkenly grabbing the two closest things to you on your bedroom floor

This one just looks like you got dressed in the dark, drunkenly grabbing the two closest things to you on your bedroom floor

Is this how you models keep so thin? Because that doesn't look nutritious

Is this how you models keep so thin? Because that doesn’t look nutritious

Elle, this is not the best way to combat hypothermia

Elle, this is not the best way to combat hypothermia

Okay, I would actually wear these

Okay, I would actually wear these

Or these dinosaur shoes!

Or these dinosaur shoes!

Or this suit that looks like a sequin factory threw up on you I DON'T CARE, I want it

Or this suit that looks like a sequin factory threw up on you I DON’T CARE, I want it

There's no way you're going to convince me that North Korea is fashionable, though, sorry

There’s no way you’re going to convince me that North Korea is fashionable, though, sorry

One response to “What the Fashion: Waiting Room Critic”

  1. Brian says:

    This is the best. And if you get a sequin suit, I’m coming over to see it.

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