The Plaid Pladd

I was going to give you the July Spam Report today, but then I found something even more amazing and misspelled! That’s right, Spambots, you still have roughly 2 hours of July left to wow me before I write Friday’s post!

When they came to help me move, my parents brought a bunch of stuff of mine that was still hanging around their house, including a box of my old journals. Since I’d already transcribed these, I didn’t bother looking at them very closely, although I was pleased to be able to read about how “LISA IS A BUTT!” in the original gel pen. However!! Today I noticed one hiding amongst them that I definitely didn’t remember transcribing:

I was wondering about my terrible taste in cover art when I noticed the “Fairfax County Public Schools” logo in the bottom right

That’s right, team, this is my second grade journal!! Careful detective work has led me to believe that keeping one was a school assignment, because some of the entries are obviously written from prompts. There are 33 of them, mostly less than a page, between September 8th, 1994 and January 11th, 1995. January 12th, I discovered from reading the last entry, was the day I left school to move to Florida and immediately stopped writing since it was no longer required.

The most striking thing about these entries is how difficult they are to decipher:

Handwriting and spelling combine into a perfect storm of illegibility

So I thought it would be a fun game to give you badly spelled excerpts from my journal and see if you can figure out what I’m talking about. Ready?

Sept. 19, 1994. We went to a prak. The prak had a maz and a salid and sam tiers and sam swe’s and makey brs.

At first I thought I might be talking about a kind of salad. This next one kind of borders on the philosophical/emo in a weird way:

Sept. 21, 1994. I like my class room. thaee is a fox he is mie favirt. He is string at me like sad but happy at the sama time. He make’s me tinek of all the times I was happy.

Clearly I anticipated the ermahgerd meme by a number of years. Here’s a challenge:

Oct. 3, 1994. Yestr day I went to chr. I had kamiyin with my friad.

Also, super elementary school drama!!!!

Nov. 28, 1994. Today Gady is rejndoutid from my friend list!!!! Vaneli is now my 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 frined. Not that I evr had a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 frined’s anyway. and reading this is none of your beeswaks Gady

I think I mean “Gabby”. Still, tense stuff. But nothing compared to December, 5th, 1994. The worst day of my lief.

Dec. 5, 1994. Today is the worst day of my lief. Frist we were going to the Daskaverwe Zone but it was in’t open. Second I found a very petty rock and I call’d Vaneli and on the phone I said I found a crystal so she came down and said it was stupid. Third my mom got mad when my new shert got full of mud and I did’t know why it was there. fourth I got lock’d in thomas toyboxs for a long time and I got hot. fifth here I am doing my homewrok when I don’t want to.

I stand by this assessment. Discovery Zone is closed, no one appreciates my cool rock, I’m hot and muddy AND doing homework? Def the worst day of my life so far. Good call on that, 7-year-old Patricia.

My journal ends thusly:

Jan. 11, 1995. Tomrrw is my last day of school… My mom mand me serll for breakfst. She was sapost to put suger in it but she put salt in it.

Except not quite. Turn a few blank pages and you find, in carefully practiced cursive:

Feb. 9, 1997. I have lived in Florida for two years. Sarah is my best friend here. I’m in fourth grade. I’m an all A student!

Thanks for the update, 9-year-old Patricia.I bet my Second Grade Journal was really wondering how you’ve been.

Answers (that I can figure out) to this exciting activity after the cut:

Sept. 19, 1994. We went to a park. The park had a maze and a slide and some tires and some swings and monkey bars.

Sept. 21, 1994. I like my classroom. There is a fox. He is my favorite. He is staring at me, like sad but happy at the same time. He makes me think of all the times I was happy.

Oct. 3, 1994. Yesterday I went to church. I had communion with my friend.

Nov. 28, 1994. Today Gabby is rejected(?) from my friend list!!!! Vanelli is now my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th friend. Not that I ever had 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, or 12th friends anyway. And reading this is none of your beeswax, Gabby

Dec. 5, 1994. Today is the worst day of my life. Frist, we were going to the Discovery Zone, but it wasn’t open. Second, I found a very pretty rock, and I called Vanelli on the phone and said I found a crystal so she came down and said it was stupid. Third, my mom got mad when my new shirt got full of mud and I didn’t know why it was there. Fourth I got locked in Thomas’ toy box for a long time and I got hot. Fifth here I am doing my homewrok when I don’t want to.

Jan. 11, 1995. Tomorrow is my last day of school… My mom made me cereal for breakfast. She was supposed to put sugar in it, but she put salt in it.

Still not sure about “rejndoutid”.

Next: 1st Grade Journal
Previously: Ten Years of Journals