Sam Neill Update: Made For TV Movie Edition!

You know Sam Neill loves his made for TV movies. Also, this project is now 60% complete!!!

Snow White: A Tale of Terror (tv 1997)

The Movie: This is the story of Snow White but creepier and with better costumes! The dwarves are now an outlaw band of renegade miners (including one hot guy). Snow White’s name is Lilli, and the guy sent to kill her doesn’t so much take pity as gets tired of chasing her pathetically quickly. Also, the handsome prince is a handsome doctor! Steven and I debated the whole movie about whether Sigourney Weaver, the Evil Stepmom, was evil from the beginning or if Young Snow White drove her to it by being terrible. Either way, her creepy possessed mirror definitely commits at least one murder before she is even really married to Sam Neill so there’s that. But she seems to go really nuts after the stillbirth of her child, the heir Sam Neill wants so badly. A lot of her actions seem to be motivated by magically bringing it back to life.

As always, great choice in women, Sam Neill

The Character: Sam Neill plays Snow White’s dad. Unlike the fairy tale, he doesn’t die, but does suffer a bad accident which hurts his leg. Then Sigourney Weaver goes full on crazy, poisons(?) everyone in the castle, and hangs him upside down in the chapel to bleed him for some kind of dead-raising black sabbath. Luckily Snow White and her hot new outlaw miner BF arrive in time to save him! I was expecting his character to be somewhat bumbling and oblivious, but he was actually pretty normal.

Well, apart from his taste in clothing

What I Learned: Hot outlaw miners know way more about how to tell if people are really dead than hot doctors!

Would I Watch Again?: Probably not, unless it was to study the costumes, which were pretty awesome!

Forgotten Silver (TV 1995)

Netflix basically tricked me into watching this

The Movie: So this is actually a mockumentary, back when those were less common and Peter Jackson was way less famous. Apparently when it was first aired on TV people were pissed when they found out it was hoax. It was less over the top than other mockumentaries I’ve seen, so I get why they might have been confused. It follows the life of Colin McKenzie, a “forgotten” New Zealand filmmaker at the very birth of filmmaking in the early 20th century. It was actually pretty funny and interesting, tying the fake story in with real historical events and people.

The Character: Sam Neill actually plays himself, which is why this movie wasn’t originally on my spreadsheet. Netflix, which has finally seemed to detect the pattern underlying all of my recent movie selections, suggested it to me. Sam Neill is one of many real famous people who are interviewed to talk about their own experiences with Colin McKenzie’s work and what they think his affect has been on the film industry.

What I Learned: Richard Pearse, famous New Zealand aviator, may have beaten the Wright brothers into the air, although there is little proof besides some witness accounts. It’s easy to forget that lots of people all over the world were working on how to fly at the same time!

Would I watch again?: I think so. The fake black and white footage was pretty entertaining and the story it told, though fiction, was still interesting. Plus, it’s funny to imagine the hundreds of people totally believing all of it.

The Incredible Journey of Mary Bryant (TV 2005)

I couldn't go a whole post without watching something based on a true story

The Movie: Mary is a young, pregnant, starving thief who is sentenced to transportation to Australia at the very start of the New South Wales penal colony. Both the journey and conditions when they get there are looking pretty grim. Luckily Mary finds love with a hot smuggler, Will Bryant, and they get prison married! Jack Davenport is a young lieutenant virtually identical to his character in Pirates of the Caribbean in that he sticks to his ideals and then loses the girl of his dreams to someone who is hotter and looser in the moral department. Mary decides that this is no place to raise her children and organizes a crazy escape attempt, making it all the way to the Dutch Indies before being caught and sent back to England for trial. Luckily everyone loves her so she gets off!! Yay!!

Sam Neill mostly wears a lot of wigs

The Character: Sam Neill plays Arthur Phillip, the governor of the penal colony! He’s kind of a jerk in that when a massive night of rape breaks out, he says “Just let it run its course” and orders his men to protect the food. Another time, when confronted with violent natives, he commands one of his men to take his pants off “so that they can see we’re men, same as them. Otherwise they might think us women.”

It's the hair, Sam. And the shiny gold decorations

Previously: Space Edition!
Next: Angst Edition!

One response to “Sam Neill Update: Made For TV Movie Edition!”

  1. […] Peter Jackson is a big fake, Snow White’s Dad! Previously: Husband, Rich Dude, “The […]

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