The Plaid Pladd

My brother called me today, asking for advice on filling out his Rice roommate form. This instantly brought back a tide of shame at how lame mine was, and I got it out to make him feel better about his own (I naturally pasted it into my journal after they gave it back to us senior year with “WHY ARE YOU BAD AT FILLING OUT FORMS?” written under it in giant marker block letters.) My only explanation is that I was still looking at it as An Important College Form, having spent a year filling similar things out, and so tried to be as serious as possible. Also, High School Patricia was the most boring person on the face of the earth. Except for that whole published novel thing, I don’t know.

Anyway, in an attempt to make myself feel better, I’ve decided to fill out the Rice Roommate Form again. I’m including High School Patricia’s answers to make the comparison of how awesome I’ve become even more poignant. I’ve skipped the stuff that hasn’t changed, like my birthday and how tall I am.

PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR FAMILY:
High School Patricia: Fairly average with a tinge of eccentricity
Like a sitcom except that it’s impossible to tell who is playing the Straight Man

WHAT ARE YOUR ACADEMIC INTERESTS?
High School Patricia: English literature, history
Library science, speculative zoology, mad science, adventure archeology

WHAT ARE YOUR EXTRACURRICULAR INTERESTS? HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR SPARE TIME?
Reading, writing, library volunteer work, storytelling
Being too cool for school, watching bad movies, making cupcakes that look like dinner

FOR EACH OF THE FOLLOWING ITEMS WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT YOUR FAVORITE IS AND WHY…
BOOK:
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (High School Patricia apparently thought this was self-explanatory)
Running in the Family by Michael Ondaatje–I like a man who can complain about his family in poetry

MOVIE:
Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
Twilight with RiffTrax–“Like, what, and stuff?”

FOOD:
Apple pie (cold)
Steven-made sandwiches or improbably fancy chocolate

HANG OUT
Borders
Carrboro–can’t beat seeing people walking ferrets on the street

HOW ARE YOU SPENDING YOUR SUMMER?
Working in the children’s department of the library
Fighting crime, time travel, wearing a variety of stupid hats

WHAT TYPES OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? (LIST A FEW GROUPS/BANDS…)
Beatles, Great Big Sea, the Rutles
Lady Gaga, Jonathon Coulton, Jeremy Messersmith

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM VACATION
Touring famous sites from English literature and having afternoon tea whenever possible
Hot air balloon paint ball war

WHAT THREE PEOPLE, REAL OR FICTIONAL, WOULD YOU HAVE OVER FOR DINNER AND WHY?
Gordon Ramsay, because someone will have to cook the food, Eleanor of Aquitaine, because I want to know if she invented flossing, and Rhett Butler
Teddy Roosevelt, Silas J. Mariner, and Mark Twain. They know how to party.

IF YOUR HOUSE WERE ON FIRE, WHAT THREE INANIMATE OBJECTS WOULD YOU SAVE?
My laptop, favorite pen, and Sydney (top hat and close personal friend).
Laptop, favorite pen, and Sydney (top hat and close personal friend)
This one also makes me sound lame, but, damn it, that pen cost like $200 and how else am I going to keep up this famous author facade?

WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU SEEK IN A FRIEND?
Loyalty, honest, wit, intelligence
The ability to shoot laser beams with their eyes, sense of humor

IF YOU COULD HAVE A ROMANTIC OR TORRID RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE, REAL OR FICTIONAL, MODERN OR HISTORIC, WITH WHOM WOULD IT BE AND WHY?
Napoleon Bonaparte, because he had a very impressive hat
Marie Curie, to break Michael Curtis’ cold, Danish heart

I think High School Patricia was just confused about how to fill out forms/was morally incapable of lying on an official looking piece of paper, especially for comedic effect. Good thing I got over that one quick.