Possible Job Ideas

Every time we have a guest speaker in one of our classes, I become more and more convinced that my Master’s degree will make me less qualified for gainful employment. It doesn’t matter what they’re supposed to be talking about; it always devolves into “You poor suckers, you’ll never get a job, and certainly not around here where there are more librarians than environmentally-conscious hipsters (and there are A LOT of environmentally-conscious hipsters). And ESPECIALLY not if you want to work in youth services or at a public library. You are screwed with a capital S.” The situation is pretty dire. Especially now that I find out I have to compete with degree-holding pets too. Can you imagine going for an interview against Oreo Collins the tuxedo cat? You’d be all “I wrote my Master’s paper on–” and he’d interrupt with “I AM ADORABLE! PET ME! PET ME AND THEN HIRE ME!” and start to play with your shoelaces.

Anyway, since I am nothing if not organized, I’ve decided to plan ahead and think of other possible awesome job ideas. To help me, I’ve assigned all my fifth graders to write five paragraph essays about “What would the best job ever be and why?” But so far all I’ve gotten were doctor and astrophysicist. I know, lame. When I was in fifth grade I would have totally written about either water slide tester or Disney princess.

Although I’m not entirely without hope:

Boy: Can it be ANY job?
Me: Anything. Even water slide tester.
Boy: I don’t know if that’s a real job.
Me: I think it is. But even if it wasn’t, made up jobs are okay too.
Boy: Alright, I’m going to choose shark.
Me: What?
Boy: Shark.
Me: Ummm… can you think of three reasons to write paragraphs about?
Boy: OF COURSE! You get to eat people, you get to swim around, AND you get to BE A SHARK.
Me: I know this class doesn’t have grades, but you just earned an A+.

So yeah, so far it’s looking like shark is the best bet.

5 responses to “Possible Job Ideas”

  1. Bova says:

    On the shark note- have you seen this story? It’s crazy! http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jan/13/cape-town-giant-shark-attack

    Also, I feel exactly the same way about job opportunities. I did an interview for a music theory TA position next year and I think there’s very little chance of getting it- actually I think there’s very little chance anyone will even get it. I’m convinced they just held the interviews to make us all feel like we’re doing something productive. IU is having to do MASSIVE budget cuts right now. It’s depressing.

    Oh well- I’m making a super exciting flyer to advertise private piano lessons! I think I may add glitter to prove that I go above and beyond. :)

  2. When I was a little kid I wanted to be a squid. I think my reasons were something like they can shoot ink and have JET NOZZLES, they totally have beaks despite not being birds, and they have ten legs. TEN! THAT IS LIKE 2 MORE THAN AN OCTOPUS

  3. Also that wikipedia link is like the best thing ever

  4. Erika says:

    Doctor?!? Got best job ever?? What are these kids on??

    What about professional mattress tester (take naps for a living)?
    Or ice cream flavor inventor?
    Or trophy wife (the second way to take naps for a living)?
    Or one of those people who hosts a Travel Channel show?

    • pladd says:

      I know, for real. They were clearly not using their imagination. Or have not become embittered to the working world like us? Her three reasons for wanting to be a doctor were “You make lots of money. You become famous for helping people. You could save people’s lives.” In that order. Way to have priorities!

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