How to Motivate Children and Other Stories

Me: Okay, so… two of you did your writing homework.
Children: (general murmurs of unapologetic excuses)
Me: Whatever. So for next week I want you to invent a planet and tell me about it. You could–
Boy 1: Ooh! Ooh! Oooooooh!
Me: Ummm… yes?
Boy 1: I have clay left over at home can I make a model of it?????
Me: Sure, I guess.
Girl 1: OOOH! I will stop and get clay on the way home!!!
Boy 2: CAN I DRESS UP LIKE AN ALIEN FROM MY PLANET??
Me: Okay?
Girl 1: I’ll dress up AS MY PLANET!!!!
Me: Whatever, as long as you also write.

Next week I will get confused parents escorting in aliens holding soccer balls covered in molding clay asking me why their homework was to dress like aliens and how that will help them pass the EOG. I just know it.

Girl 1: … and then I’ll have to sit with the adults at dinner and it will be SOOOOO boring.
Me: Yeah. Adults can be way boring.
Girl 1: I mean, YOU don’t count as an adult.
Me: Really?
Girl 1: Yeah, you have to be married first.
Me: Okay. I’ll remember that.
Girl 1: AND you have the mind of a kid!
Me: ….
Girl 1: It’s a good thing!!!
Me: Okay. Thanks.

One response to “How to Motivate Children and Other Stories”

  1. Mom Ladd says:

    Love this!

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