Little known fact: Patricia’s Dream Job #37= Fortune Teller. It’s entirely made up of aspects I enjoy: ridiculous costumes/accents, lying to people, and saying absolutely everything as dramatically as possible. I’ve often considered giving up my dreams of librarian glory to lead a fulfilling and nomadic existence following America’s carnivals and RenFests to touch sweaty people’s hands and pretend to see the future in them. Today, however, I had an epiphany. Why choose when I could just combine the two? This plan has the added benefit of basing my new branch of fortune telling off of something I’m already familiar with, which is great because I wasn’t about to memorize anything. And, once again, I prove that a simple knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System will get you anything you want in life. Or, at least, anything you want in the library. Except Twilight, natch.
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Archive for June, 2009
Dewey Decimalogy: A Guide to Predicting Your Future
June 30th, 2009 by
Tagged: fortune telling, future, library, pictures
Blog Fail
June 30th, 2009 byYesterday:
Steven: So I fixed that updating thing. On your blog.
Me: (distracted by painting toenails hot pink) What?
Steven: You know, how it wouldn’t update? Even though it was supposed to? I fixed it.
Me: What? I don’t remember that.
Steven: Well, I fixed it.
Me: Oh, well good. Hey, you should see this nail polish! It’s like “BAM! TOENAILS!”
Steven: Ummmm…. yeah.
Today:
(after completing a thoughtful research mission for an insightful and lyric blog post)
Me: Hmmmmm…. so with this new update, any kind of picture will make my website die? That’s…. interesting. Well, I’m hungry.
Stand by.
Tagged: FAIL, Steven, transcripts
Random Scenes from My Future
June 25th, 2009 byThis week I had dinner with Laura Campo, Wiess ’08 and Tabletop Producer my freshman year. It was great, but also kind of surreal. Beforehand I was worried that it would be somehow awkward: how do you have a real conversation with someone with whom you’ve only exchanged pleasantries and facebook banter? Apparently, really easily. It made me hope that other random people who have seemingly dropped out of the story of my life will appear unexpectedly in my future. I can’t wait to see what that will be like! But now, thanks to the power of MS Paint, I don’t have to! Huzzah!
Ben Skerritt (my 2nd grade crush) and I Meet at a Concert
I assume he will still look just like this yearbook picture I found
He recognizes me by… my Pippi Longstocking hair.
I recognize him by… the way he gives people the finger without really knowing what it means.
All I really remember about Ben Skerritt are some vague sledding memories on Snow Days and, when saying goodbye because I was moving to Florida, he flicked me off and then said “Shhhhh! It means something dirty!” before running into the bushes behind the basketball court. Ah, young love. Naturally, this will make coming up with topics of conversation difficult after the “So… how have the last 15 years of your life been?”
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Tagged: future, MSPaint, pictures
Misguided Travel Guides: Seminole, Florida
June 23rd, 2009 byAs previously stated, Seminole, Florida is a suburb which, oddly seems to have no real “urb” to be a “sub of, since the entirety of Pinellas County is really just a conglomerate of similar houses and strip malls, searching for a metropolis. You know, and the beach. But it’s still home and here are the four best things about it, should you ever be trapped here on some kind of low-budget Floridacation.
1. The Water Tower
So this water tower was originally a really drab blue, but they decided to jazz it up when I was in middle school and hired an artist to paint gigantic native Florida birds on it with some clouds in the background. This made total sense, until someone decided that the water tower’s natural shape would lend itself really well to painting a big orange cage over them all. Obviously this image creates a few troubling philosophical questions: if those are clouds WITHIN the cage, did some even larger person put a cage over THE SKY? How could these birds, even at normal size, even fit in a bird cage? Is this a metaphor for human interference being akin to a harmful cage put over THE ENTIRE NATURAL WORLD? Or, we could go with my immediate reaction the first time I saw it: “OMGOD THAT OCTOPUS IS ATTACKING THOSE BIRDS!”
Apparently the city agrees with my complaints because they wanted to paint over it awhile ago, but people complained, saying it was “good for giving directions”.
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Tagged: florida, library, lists, Panama Canal, Rob, seminole, travel guides
Harnessing the Power of Science, with Cookie Crisp!
June 19th, 2009 bySince I will soon be going into the field of Library Science I’ve been philosophizing a lot lately on my upcoming status change to SE. Though disowned for this treachery by my academ friends (especially Rob), I will console myself with bad fashion, a nervous laugh I have been practicing for social situations, and above average math skills (which I, unfortunately, already have but attempt manfully to hide). On the plus side of this coming transformation: I can now conduct science experiments!!! And not the lame kind you do in high school that involve watching a beaker slowly fill up with acid or something. The kind with explosions! Live animals! And fabricated results! I bring you my first such science experiment, now with twice the scientific method!
Basically, I wanted to answer the age old question: Will anything actually eat Cookie Crisp?
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Tagged: academ, birds, cereal, science, SE
Transcripts: Thomas Misses Wiess (More than I do?)
June 19th, 2009 byThomas: I miss Rob.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Thomas: And Josh. They should come back. And bring Roque. And JerBear. And all of Wiess.
Me: It seems like that would get kind of crowded.
Thomas: They could sleep in my room on the air mattress.
Me: Okay…
Thomas: Except for Roque and JerBear. They can sleep with me.
Tagged: JerBear, Rob, Roque, Thomas, transcripts, Wiess
Things That Spell Our Doom: The Ocean
June 19th, 2009 byAs far as Florida Vacation Destinations go, Seminole is probably not high on your list (unless the Historic Patricia Tour is a must see). A fairly small patch of suburbia and laid back beach communities, it’s only a ten to twenty minute drive to the water in any direction but north:
Pinellas County: Florida's gimpy right arm, or maybe just some weird growth
But don’t be fooled by the palm trees and Village Inn’s. Death can still stalk me here.
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Tagged: doom, florida, ocean, pictures
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: A Modern Classic
June 16th, 2009 byJust like every other time my brother has forced me to watch something on youtube, the first time I saw this, I was skeptical:
However, the second I saw a giant–nay, MEGA shark attacking a plane while it was FLYING IN THE AIR, I knew this movie would not only be a masterpiece of artistic subtlety, but also an eyeopening account of important global events that the media and Hollywood often ignore. Namely, when prehistoric, giantass sea creatures are unleashed on a totally unprepared modern society. Oh, the Valuable Life Lessons I learned!
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