Servery Steven’s Kitchen Challenge: Self-Portrait Cookie Edition

In accordance with list item #70: Servery Challenge: Signature Drink Edition, THE 434 had its final Servery Challenge EVER this week. These always involve Top Chef-style timed challenges, but in the Servery and with some kind of “celebrity judge” (i.e. Brent or a prospie or Arya). My personal favorite was Servery Challenge: French Fry Structure Edition or possibly Servery Challenge: Soup Out of Not Soup Edition, in which I got Drew the Prospie to eat ice cream mixed with yogurt mixed with green beans in a thinly veiled poisoning attempt masked as “dessert soup”.

Yesterday I was so distraught at the end of our Servery Challenge days that I decided to challenge Steven Wiggins to a Servery Challenge-like contest in his kitchen: cookie self-portrait. The celebrity judge? Anyone reading my blog! For the first time ever, the challenge will be decided democratically instead of at the whim of Dr. Gustin or whoever.

The first step in the process was a trash-talk filled trip to HEB for ingredients, made all the sketchier because it was nearly midnight and we kept taking pictures of each other.

While my face is smooth like a sugar cookie, Steven's is pock-marked and hideous like chocolate chip.

While my face is smooth like a sugar cookie, Steven's is pock-marked and hideous like chocolate chip.

Naturally, cookie choice was therefore difficult.

Steven attempted ferocity...

Steven attempted ferocity...

… But I could not be frightened away from my goal of TOTAL DOMINATION.

He therefore had to turn to confusion.

He therefore had to turn to confusion.

I mean, pickles? What?

Upon getting home, Steven immediately pulled a secret stash of Ghirardelli semi-sweet from the freezer and set to work:
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A delicate process

A delicate process

I, on the other hand, decided to go for a more artistic approach, choosing instead to title my piece “Patricia Ladd, in the Sixth Grade” since I knew that mere baked goods could never encapsulate my current awesomeness.

Twizzler's are a creative aid in any artistic process

Twizzler's are a creative aid in any artistic process

So, final results:

Steven Wiggins (real life)

Steven Wiggins (real life)

Steven Wiggins (cookie self-portrait)

Steven Wiggins (cookie self-portrait)

“So all my facial hair is made of shaved Ghirardelli chocolate. Ummm… my nose was a pay day, cut into nose shape. My eyes were peeled York Peppermint Patty. And the irises were the peeling. And my lips were red sugar sprinkles. Ah, and my “lucky spot” as Patricia says was a brown M&M mini.”

Patricia Ladd (real life)

Patricia Ladd (real life)

Patricia Ladd (sixth grade cookie self-portrait)

Patricia Ladd (sixth grade cookie self-portrait)

As you can see, the hair is made of orange Twizzlers with purple Twizzler pigtail ties, the eyes of coconut jellybeans and blue Easter “jimmies” (whatever that means), the nose of peach jellybeans (with red splots for the inevitable acne), and the mouth from peanuts on a Terry’s chocolate orange with shiny silver sprinkle braces.

I’m actually not sure who won this contest… Steven relied a lot on sculpting and cutting, whereas I more carefully chose ingredients at the store. His shows more dexterity, but mine more creativity (and awesomeness). Not that I’m biased.

So it’s really up to you to comment with who you think should win. I will announce the results (and secret mystery prize) on Tuesday.

Democracy Has Never Tasted so Delicious!

Democracy Has Never Tasted so Delicious!

7 Responses to “Servery Steven’s Kitchen Challenge: Self-Portrait Cookie Edition”

  1. Rob says:

    AWWW what a cute cookie couple, how could I ever decided a winner?

  2. Bova says:

    I vote for Patricia’s because I love blondes!! (Steven’s is cute too though)

  3. Thomas Ladd says:

    Steven wins because he wears lipstick in real life too.

  4. Brian says:

    Well how can we judge without a picture of Patricia as a 6th grader?

    • pladd says:

      I actually tried to find a sixth grade picture of myself, but must have destroyed all the evidence in high school. All I can tell you is, I looked EXACTLY like that cookie. You know, when my skin went through that awkward frosting phase that every pre-teen dreads?

  5. Even with such innovations as the mole that melts in your mouth, not in your hand, the Steven-chip cookie just can’t compete with the SHEER SHININESS of the 6th-grade-Patricia snickerdoodle’s mouth full of edible ball-bearings.

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